Several months ago I was asked to tell my story of
Parental Alienation in a blog.
At that time I declined.
It was too early, it was still to painful.
However, this past Mother's Day week I found an angle to start telling my story that wouldn't be too difficult.
Visit my story to learn some background to what this blog addresses,
Love's Epic Journey Through Latin America: My Mother, Her Mother, My Mothering, My New Children, Parental Alienation and Legal Kidnapping
My heart daughter and good friend sent me a link to a YouTube video a few days ago. After viewing it my heart began to shift more deeply.
_~_~_~_~~NEW UPDATE_~_~_~_~
Today as I write this blog, the person who inspired me to write this particular blog has returned from Family Court and has been basically gagged and tied by the courts, preventing him or her from any longer speaking out about these abusive, court mandated atrocities.
This living, breathing entity of God was however given the right to see the children with therapeutic supervision therefore, is now abiding the court orders for the children’s sake. As a result, this parent has been ordered to remove all blogs and discontinue them. The family court is consciously holding this person emotionally hostage
But I, personally, have nothing to lose so I am continuing to support the AB-PA Love Brigade even without its founder.
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I was inspired to follow up on the video by contacting
the author through Facebook then was invited to give a
recorded testimony of my story:
In this blog I want to share with you some of the writings that inspired me
while making it anonymous to guarantee the safety of this parent.
Very serious legal consequences are at stake if the identity was to be shared to any social media platform. The freedom of this loving parent could be jeopardized.
This movement is seriously important
therefore we are continuing without him.
I had originally planned to put a photo of this parent with
the children but have removed it to protect their identity.
Day 1 - My battle for my Children
therefore we are continuing without him.
"I have not seen my children for 3 years. They are a part of me, I am part of them and I love them immensely. I also know that deep within them, they love me just as much as I love them. AB-PA (attachment-based parental alienation) is one of the most cruel form of mind control as it brings hatred and rejection when there should only be unconditional love. In my life, I have been through major challenges. I have emigrated to a different country, I have built companies in very competitive marketplace, I have been audited by the IRS and the state of California, I have been through brutal legal battles, I have been through multiple divorces and got my heart broken many times, I have been abused by cults, I have been betrayed by business partners, investors and friends. However, none of these experiences come close to the level of powerlessness I have faced the last 3 years with AB-PA. This is an area of society where the legal and mental health systems have completely failed us. I am strong, I am resourceful, I am smart and I have my heart in the right place. I have educated myself and hired the top experts in AB-PA. Despite all of this, I have been completely powerless to see or even communicate with my children over the past 3 years. The problem of AB-PA is much bigger than me. It is destroying millions of lives every year, the lives of the alienated parents and their children. While there are a few reunification stories, the reality is very gloomy with many alienation stories that continue well in adulthood. Sadly, many alienated parents die without ever reconnecting with their beloved children.
I have been standing too long on the sidelines in the hope things would get better with time. I have trusted and hired legal and mental health professional in helping me to reconnect with my children. The fact is that things are not getting better, they are getting worse. For this reason, I have decided to take things into my own hands to reunite with my children, with the support of anyone out there that believe in our cause. I want us to fight a new form of battle. I know that love is the most powerful force of the universe and can break any wall. Our children are currently afraid, and we cannot expect them to come back to us if we are not going to put ourselves on the line. Where there is manipulation, hatred, triangulation, we need to bring forgiveness, an open heart and fierce determination.
Practically speaking, what is my strategy? Starting today, I will share with new media such as YouTube, Facebook and Instagram my journey in overcoming AB-PA to reunite with my children. Complete transparency offered by new media is the light of awareness that can shine in the darkness of AB-PA. Most importantly, I cannot take this battle alone. I need to assemble a team around this mission. I will need emotional, creative and logistical support to overcome adversity and producing a video every day. Then, I need a group of people on the Internet that can support us not only emotionally, but with ideas or anything that can be done online to support our mission. Through the power of our message, I hope to mobilize enough people and energies that my children will feel the love of us all, and that they will feel compelled to reunite. We want to wake-up the love in the heart of our children, and this cannot be done through coercion. We will only be able to inspire them to reconnect when we approach them with a pure heart. Hopefully, in this process, we can find together new ways to break the powerlessness of all the families out there that are being destroyed by AB-PA.
Day 2 - Open Letter to the Mother of my Children
Today, I want to implore the mother of my children towards reconciliation and ask for her support to help me reconnect with our beloved children.
Mother of my children: I know that our children are everything to you. You are a caring mother and you have carried our babies in your womb for 9 miraculous months. Our kids are always in your mind and I know you will do everything for their happiness. We were together for 15 years. During this time, we had our struggles but we also had many beautiful and magical moments together. I understand break-ups are hard and we all go through a phase where we have to make our ex partners bad to deal with the abandonment. I understand I have hurt you. I want you to see that I have already paid a very heavy price for what you perceive I have done to you, and I am asking for forgiveness. For the last 3 years, my heart has been bleeding. I hope you never get to experience that your own children, the flesh of your flesh, would turn against you. The guilt and the shame I got to feel as a result has been a black veil that almost killed my spirit. If there is a hell on this earth, I got to experience it through the rejection of my children. I understand you had to make me a bad person to justify my loss of our children. I am not perfect, I may be a bit odd but I know that I have my heart in the right place. I am not a monster. I am a good father and I can be even a much better one now that the one I have been in the past.
I understand that you care very much for the safety and well being of our children. There is nothing wrong with that. Back in 2000, you fell in love with me because you liked my kindness. The kindness in me is still here. I only want the best for our children. We both know that they need a loving relationship with their dad to develop to their full potential. They come from me as much as they come from you. They will take what we have given them and take it to a new level as they get older. Please have compassion for me. Feel my pain. Just for two minutes, put yourself in my shoes and imagine what it would do to you not seeing your children for 3 years, being rejected and hated by the very people you loved most in this world, who are now only projecting the worst in you. You have now a wonderful and supporting boyfriend in your life. You have so much to look forward to. Please let go of the past. We have created together a nightmare for our children. It is not too late to change directions. We can let go of the fighting and co-parent consciously together. Our children are already teenagers. They are very smart. I have no doubt they will become fully aware of the truth and unless we change, they will keep us accountable for how we have failed them in so many ways. In their core, I know they want the end of conflict and they want both you and me to get along. This is the most beautiful gift we can give them. It was not easy to do but I have forgiven you too. I take full responsibility for what I had to go through, and this has made me a better person. I am not here to take anything away from you, or make you look bad in front of our children. Otherwise, I would have learned nothing from the past 3 years.
I am coming to you and the children in a spirit of reconciliation and in complete transparency. In less than three weeks, I will be back. During this time, I would like to bring my children to school, watch them dance, climb or play piano. I would like to have dinner with them, help them with their homework and hopefully have a little bit of fun too. Our children love you very much and they do not want to upset you so please make it easy for them to see. Give me some space so that I can rebuild my relationship with them. I do not expect it to be easy but without your support, it will be almost impossible. What we do to others, we eventually do to ourselves. By forgiving me, you are forgiving yourself. Forgiveness is something real and it has transformed my life. When we are in conflict, we are hurting our children. By bring back peace, we will bring peace in their heart once again.
Day 3 - Why AB-PA is absolute hell for the targeted parent!
Today, I would like to talk to you why parental alienation is hell on earth. I mentioned in Day 1 how I have already lived through so many brutal challenges in my life but absolutely nothing compares with parental alienation. Parental alienation affects more men than women however it is even more tragic for the women affected because of their maternal instinct. Most targeted parents are suicidal, suffer from chronic depression and simply cannot get on with life. There are 5 main factors that make parental alienation one of the most painful experiences of life
**Children rejecting or hating a parent goes against our biology**
Dr Craig Childress, one of top expert in AB-PA, talks a great deal of it in his attachment model of parental alienation. Through millions of years of evolution, children learned to attach and bond to their parents, as this was the most important factor to their survival. Children that could not bond with their parents would wander and would be eaten by predators. Children always have to make their parents perfect so that they can continue to bond with them, to ensure their survival. This is why when parents are angry, fight or divorce, children are always making it their fault to their detriment. This is why people with abusive parents develop a disorganized attachment style, because they bonded anyway with the abusive parent because of their instinctive brain. Many people who had a broken childhood want to have children for the same reason, because they know that they will be able to experience the unconditional love coming from a child. It is basically a given, just as a mother’s love for a child. A young child rejecting or hating a parent is simply incomprehensible to our biology. We will cover in a future episode how the manipulative or alienating parent is able to create this condition in the child.**Guilt**
Because it is so incomprehensible to us how our children could reject and hate us, we make it mean that we are bad, which is most of the time to subconscious core beliefs coming from our childhood traumas. We start beating ourselves and we feel deep shame. We feel completely unlovable. We believe that we must be monsters for our own children, the flesh of our flesh to turn against us. The experience of guilt day in day out is very toxic, and unless we can process these emotions, we are likely to experience depression, anger, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. Many alienated parents get very sick too as the toxic emotions impact their immune system. **Parental alienation makes grieving impossible.** Grieving is made of 5 stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. With parental alienation, there can never be closure because we cannot accept that our own child can reject and hate us. They are a part of us. Just like we cannot cut our own heart, we cannot accept this part of us to despise us. Cutting the cord with our children to stop the pain is nothing else than another form of suicide, just like cutting your own head. As a result, the cycle of grief can never be complete. We live in a state of limbo and we cannot find lasting peace. Parental alienation is a form of self-hatred that has manifested externally.**Powerlessness no matter where you look**
A targeted or alienated parent is in a completely hopeless position. There is pain in all directions. If he wants to see his child, he will have to endure the abuse of the alienating parent and his child. If he is setting any boundary, he will be punished by not seeing his child. If he gives up, he will be eaten alive with remorse, if he fights, his whole life will be consumed financially, emotionally and mentally. If he takes the high road and refuses to engage in conflict, the child believes then only all the lies from the alienating parent. If he fights back and share facts with the child to counteract the lies of the alienating parent, he is vilified for putting the kid in the middle of conflict. If he tells his children that they are influenced, they respond angrily that they feel insulted that he does not believe they are able to think for themselves. If we take the high road, and listen to our children plea not to have any contact with them, then the alienating parent says we do not care about them and do not love them. If, on the opposite, we fight for custody time, the alienating parent just says we are bullies, because we disregard their wish to be left alone. Not matter what we do, it is turned against us. The mind control of our children by the alienating parent is the most powerless position we can be. Our children have been transformed into weapons of war by the alienating parent to hurt us. The legal and mental health systems are not making things better but worse while taking our valuable financial resources away. The more so-called experts we were adding, the worst it would get. It is a self-service system feeding itself from our suffering.**Our children are paying the price**
We see the psychological damage done to our children and this is the reason we cannot give up. We see our children mental health declining. We see them developing codependency, borderline or narcissistic personality disorders. We see our children parentified, and channeling the toxic emotions from the revengeful parent. We see their future of miserable intimate relationships, which is a mirror to what we experienced in our own life. We see traumas passing from generation to generation. I know there is so much I could do for them to support them in their healing and their development but they see me instead as someone dangerous. Our children are our future and if we can break the cycle of parental alienation, we are improving the lives of many future generations. This is why I want to dedicate the AB-PA Love Brigade to the loves of my life: my son and my daughter, and let them know that I have never and will never give up on them."_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~
My intention originally was to post the video blogs of this suffering parent.
Now my intention has been reduced to preserving the transcripts. I will continue writing new ones. This parent has been gagged by the courts and does not want to compromise any small chance to reconnect with the children.
In addition, the parent is not able to continue the fight therefore is discontinuing with the Love Brigade.
I have resolved to continue to post on the growing number of affected parents.
There is still a long way to go for the justice and mental health systems to catch up to the complexity and reality of **Parental Alienation**
.The first step is to educate yourself then educate the public.
A century ago, and this is still true in many backward countries, a woman beaten by her husband had no rights.
.Today, the law is very strict in terms of domestic violence. Women and minorities alike persevered through the impossible to receive respect for their basic human rights.
It is up to us to move things forward for the benefit of future generations.
We are empowered to alchemize the pain lingering in our hearts from the separation of our children into action.
We intend to create an upgrade in the manner which families are dealt with in the United States Family Court system.
This is the only way our trauma may not be in vain.
This wounded parent arranged for a friend to record my story of Parental Alienation, my survival and moving through it all.
[My podcast testimony](https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/vaillant-gicqueau-interviews-love-parker-about-her-tragic-parental)
[AB-PA Facebook Resource List](https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1h41_sShxoC8TuENtAc7jI677tNBPnYOd5MxLx4U3FsQ/edit?usp=sharing)
This is a list of Facebook pages that address the issues of
Attachment Based-Parental Alienation.
This list was compiled by the _AB-PA Love Brigade_
In conclusion, I am aware that I am only outlining and attempting to pierce the problem. Those involved are terrified to speak out because their children are at stake.
However, our numbers and our voice is growing. Women and minorities faced enormous obstacles but eventually won the vote.
We hereby bond together to destroy the court mandated holocaust for the sake of our families, our children and the evolution of all.
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