I have always been a rather introverted individual. While I do not care for such labels because I do have my moments of extroversion, I feel that this characterization will allow you to understand me, at least at a surface level.Anyway,although I am a girl of few words, I love expressing my creativity through clothes, I always have. I loved the feeling of coming to high school on a Monday after buying and composing a look the day before. There could be no mention of my outfit when I wore it but the confidence and joy that arose from this ritual is almost unexplainable. When I did not dress up or continue to expand my wardrobe, I began to feel stuck and at times spiritless. As a result, when I was younger, it felt as if the confidence and joy came from the clothes so I bought more and more to revive this feeling. But this feeling was fleeting and I never understood why. Now I know that this joy and this confidence I was feeling was within me all this while.
Fast forward to junior year of university, I started my YouTube channel "akualikewater". Side note: Please check out my video below and subscribe if you can!
I had started YouTube as a fun way to showcase my fashion sense but what I have gotten from it is much much more. Within a short amount of time, I have learned of video editing techniques with a vigor that I can only explain as possession. Lol I kid but only partially. I have had to evaluate how I am viewed and how much of my self I wish to share with the world. Most notably, I have had to become more comfortable in my own skin.
By putting myself in front of the lens, I have had to be freer. I dwell less on how awkward my body is moving (which has been a source of insecurity for much of my life) and have started letting go of this tension and these negative thoughts that are holding me back. The whole process of making videos has made me reevaluate my relationship with confidence and fashion. With rekindled interest in fashion, I hope to see things in far healthier way. This passion I have for fashion is like none other and I want to trust this feeling I assume is intuition but also wander if these feelings are simply vanity and fleeting like my desire to accumulate clothes in high school. I have made no conclusions on the matter but I will let you know when I do.
The relationship between something as material as clothes and confidence is something that fascinates me and is something I wish to elaborate upon in another post. Let me know what you think. Do you think its possible derive confidence from clothes? Have you had a similar and different experience? I am all ears!