Today, my wife is starting her 35th week of pregnancy, that means that I will be a father within a month or so. Being a father is a mystery to me but I figured that I would share my thoughts on this blog and who knows...maybe my baby girl will get to read this one day?
First and foremost, I don't want to be the guy who dispenses and spews out my opinions on fatherhood before actually being one. But I'm the type of geeky guy who researches everything related to developmental psychology so that's the flavor this article is going to take. So please indulge me and make sure to leave your comments below if you agree or disagree.
A Good Example To Follow...
Even though I have no clue how to become a father on a day to day basis, I have to find solace in the fact that I had a really good father. Not perfect of course, but a really good one with who I have a really good relationship with. That's more than what a lot of people have from what I've gathered.
He is patient, tolerant to a fault, intellectually curious and deeply caring. It sure isn't easy to have those qualities when you have six kids!
About a year ago, I came across this interesting info-graphic...since then, I've realized how important fathers are.
If anything, now that I will have a special relationship with a child, a relationship that pretty much starts from the ground up...I feel like I should become more than the man that I am. That all that I will do and say will have a direct impact on my child's life. Am I crazy to think this or have you had that same realization?
Strong Parents = Strong Family
We cannot underestimate how much the relationship between the couple will impact the life of the child. I think that sometimes for parents, it can be tempting to put the kid above everything in life...even the couple itself.
I'm of the belief that to have a strong family, you have to have a strong couple at it's core. I'm infinitely blessed by having such a wonderful wife and I have 100% confidence that she will be a wonderful mom. But I think it will be important to me to not ONLY see her as a mom, but my lover...even in the midst of the craziness happening while the toddler is roaming around.
If you have tips and tricks about how to keep the flame alive during that time, please let me know since I know that a lot of guys get complacent or have a hard time with that.
Also, what is very important for me and my wife is the role of our extended family. I don't think we should underestimate how strong uncles and aunts can be powerful to shape the character of our kids.
Keeping Her Away From Lousy Men
Here is a fact...for my baby girl, I will be the most important men in her life until she reach the age of choosing a partner. I stumbled upon an interesting article in the Telegraph about how our fathers influence the partners we choose that made me think of how important the relationship between father and daughter can be.
Dr Linda Nielsen – psychology professor at Wake Forest University in North Carolina, and author of Between Fathers and Daughters – agrees that the dynamic of this fundamental relationship reverberates throughout women’s lives. “Women who grow up with meaningful, comfortable, conversational relationships with their dads make better choices in who they date and marry,” she says. “If you have a good relationship with your dad, then you’re not desperate for male approval: you’ve already got it. If you’re used to being well-treated by your father, and you don’t have to be perfect for him to love you, that’s what you’ll expect from other men.”
I don't know for you but that makes complete sense to me. After all, the person you decide to spend your life with will have a HUGE impact. It will define the majority of your life on so many levels. Choosing well and choosing carefully is not an easy task. I hope that through her relationship, I can help her look for the right things in a man.
Conclusion
Even though I feel like I'm talking through my hat since I've never lived the experience of being a father, I nevertheless take this role very seriously. If any of you are willing to share your experience, thoughts and feelings, please let me know in the comment below. I'm looking forward to read.