'...and the journey of a thousand diapers begins.'
It's been six weeks since my newborns arrived home and it's been a pleasantly hectic as expected. The euphoria of their birth is slowly fading and now we are faced with the task of raising our twins which I (and my partner) would have to commit 20+ years (at least). That is a significant chunk of our remaining lives, and the journey just started.
Taking care of twins is an onerous task. Yesterday I was trying to feed one while simultaneously soothing the other. I was so close to a meltdown but I caught myself laughing in-between joggling the impossible--bottle feeding and soothing. It just dawned on me that this--being on constant demand--is my life for the next one year. I have to do this while also joggling a high demanding physical job, and figuring out my life.
One of my biggest challenge is fatigue. In the first weeks I was getting less than 3 hours sleeps and my kids where constantly demanding things from us. I was doing all that in addition to my night shifts. It was difficult but I never had any regrets. Just a look at their faces and I was in love again.
Things are a easier now. I get to sleep 7 hours on a good night. Their mum is more hands-on and takes a significant portion of the workload, while I try to keep our leaving space clean and be helpful in meaningful ways. So kids if you ever stumble upon this blog do know your mum played a significant part in nurturing you guys. I am currently writing this post while she is taking care of you two. always give her flowers(praise).
Notwithstanding, I and Blessing are both managing our stress level well and helping each other in the best way possible. we have not recorded any serious meltdown. there is still a room for improvement on my part, but holistically, we have been good parents.
My life is changing faster then I would love to admit. It doesn't feel like my life anymore. Everything I do now is under the scope of kids and how my actions and inactions affect or will affect their lives. Even a task as simple as running errands, I need to factor so many things and to be frank it will take some time to get used to this now, and part of me is still in rebellion.
One of my fears has been leaving vicariously through my kids. I understand that this stage, I do not have much of a choice. There are young and need all my time and attention. Nevertheless, I do not want to lose myself totally in the progress. I am willing to give a significant portion of life, resources to them but not all, simply because I believe I owe that to myself.
I have been interacting with a lot of parents lately and most of them seem to have given up on themselves, and subconsciously, they have been projecting that to me. I feel a huge sense of empathy towards but I still believe life doesn't end with having kids. On the contrary, life begins with kids. New experiences; new dreams and aspiration. I am very much optimistic about the latter part of my life and I believe my kids are just a healthy addition to it.
Despite all the physical, emotional and financial demand of being a new dad, I love it. I would not change it for anything in this world. This is my family--my most priced possession. I am still in shock (and sometimes disbelieve) that I have a family of my own. There is nothing I could ever have that would eclipse this sense of completeness I feel.