It has been some time since I have posted a blog. Big life changes have taken place. I recently moved out of the ghetto after decades of careful planning, budgeting and hard work. It goes without saying that being the only honest man in a den full of criminal elements and bad influences was a very difficult experience. My success however, has created a whole host of other issues with respect to me, my daughter and her mother.
Understand that I did want children in the future (or so I thought at the time) but I was all too aware that my financial situation was not up to the task of having a mouth to feed. I thought (again, at the time) that my child's mother understood that and appreciate the fact that I was being so responsible in family planning for us, but I was wrong. She didnt care about providing our child with the best possible environment or education the way I did/do. That is why she saw no issue with tricking me into getting the baby she wanted sooner rather than later. Now, the sad fact of the matter is that my daughter has to grow up in a hot, cramped building in a economically repressed area because her mother was too impatient and frankly too short-sighted and stupid to listen to me.
So here I am, I have the apartment that I want, in the area that I want and I have to live with the fact that my daughter cannot enjoy the fruits of my labors with me. When I come home to my castle and its empty there is a deep pain in my heart. The pain is so great, I actually considered trying to reconcile with my child's mother just so that I can move my daughter in and give her a shot at the good life. But the fact is her mother jeopardized my entire life's work out of maternal desperation and I cannot reward that kind of treachery, but I cant have one without the other.
I have also been left with another concern, if my child's mother takes me to court and they begin to garnish my wages (I already give her money and buy anything my daughter needs for the record) I will not be able to budget myself correctly enough to keep my apartment, and I will be forced to move back to the ghetto. Women really dont seem to comprehend how expensive raising a child is nor the socio-economic implications on parent and child once the child is born and has to grow up in horrid surroundings. Frankly, if I am forced back into the crime and drug infested projects that I have fought my whole life to escape because of my child's mother... that is something I can never forgive or forget and I pray that it doesnt effect my relationship with my daughter, but I wonder how could it not?
