I think Steemit-inc is after me!
Yesterday I was at a coffee shop drinking orange tea out of a Chinese ornate ceramic cup.
"
"Oh, well he's just the CEO... he's not so great" I said trying to dismiss him due to my jealously of the babe in front of me somewhat melting as she said his name.
I only have 
An electric surge coming right outta of the blockchain exploded from my phone, frying the inside of my jacket with Steem.
"What the fick?" I screamed like a girl, momentarily losing my composure.
As the phone fell through my jacket pocket, melting onto the ground, I could see one message.
STEEMIT inc is going to cut you up for data, and use your moisture to create more Steem.
I shoved the blockchain-lady I know to the ground, she got covered in hot soup in the process, but that's okay, the story is about me.
So I ran, I ran all night, and day, but I couldn't get away.
Eventually they had somehow tracked me, and chased me down a dead end.
The rest of the Steem team had glue guns, knives, knuckle dusters, and these things that looked like guns, but were designed to suck the moisture out of you.
From several metres away
I knew I would have no chance of escaping, and would soon be made into fresh Steem.
"I'm sorry!" I tried to apologise.
"For what?" he asked, before continuing with a smile "me and the boys are just out here having fun, isn't that right boys?"
"Fuck this shit" I said as I jumped into a hole full of still drying concrete.
I quickly covered myself in the concrete to protect myself.
They would never get me.
I slept for several hundreds of years, and then sent this Steemit post back in time.