I think itโs time I thoroughly share how I developed apiphobia as a young child.
Some may read this title and laugh thinking
is that really a thing...being terrified of bees and wasps? ๐ญ
Others will automatically relate to me and what I have been living with.
I recently met someone whom I will mention later that shared some of the same fears I did and even reacted the same way when faced with it.
Recently I shared with you all that I am allowing gardening, planting and taking care of our flowers to be the beginning of my healing process.
So how did this intense extreme fear of buzzing insects develop?
First letโs define what a traumatic event is:
When the event, or series of events, causes a lot of stress, it is called a traumatic event. Traumatic events are marked by a sense of horror, helplessness, serious injury, or the threat of serious injury or death.
CDC
As a young girl I experienced a series of events that stayed with me all of my life. They were never forgotten and I remember each one as if it happened yesterday.
These traumatic events resulted in me having a mild case of PTSD (Post-traumatic stress disorder) where sounds of buzzing and even the sun shining on my back brought back memories of the events and triggered anxiety attacks and panic.
Tะฝั Tัฮฑฯ
ะผฮฑ Tะฝฮฑั Cะฝฮฑฮทgัโ Mั
Growing up I was always outside in the yard while my parents did their gardening. I even helped them do certain jobs like cut the grass, rake and water the plants. I genuinely loved being outside and had no apparent fears of insects that were always around me.
I was even like my kids are now, always exploring nature and even picking up creepy crawly things to examine them.
All ัะฝฮฑั cะฝฮฑษดษขed. Tะฝe ัะผฮฑll ะผyััerฮนoฯ ั world oา ฮนษดัecัั ฮฑroฯ ษดd ะผe าelั ษดo loษดษขer ัฮฑาe ฮฑษดd I wฮฑั ษดo loษดษขer ฮฑะฒle ัo eษดjoy ฮนั าreely.
My family and I were outside on vacation. We were enjoying our food and having a good time as always. Some parts of that day are very vague because I was only around seven years old but the parts that matter I remember quite well.
My sister, brother and I were sharing a grape soda. What we didnโt realize was a huge bee also wanted some of that soda and was hanging out inside the can for a drink. When it was my turn to sip the bee came up to the top and stung my bottom lip. ๐ฃ
It was the worst, uncomfortable and painful feeling I had ever experienced. I remember dropping the can screaming and crying while holding my lip.
Years later I can laugh at this but my lip got so big I couldnโt speak an understandable word for a day or so. Of course my siblings got a good laugh out of my swollen lip but what we didnโt realize was that was the start of my fear and anxiety. ๐
My mom told me for a long time I wouldnโt drink out of a soda can. I only drank from a cup or out of things where I could clearly see what was in there. Once I did start drinking from a can again I would never leave it unattended. If I did it got tossed immediately just in case something crawled in there.
If I was outside while drinking I always had a napkin or something to cover up my drink just in case something tried to sneak itโs way in. I was NOT getting another swollen lip. ๐
For years and years I replayed that moment over and over again in my head of how that bee was hiding in the soda and came up to get me. I realize now as an adult it was probably only protecting itself because it felt trapped and threatened...so it did what it had to do.
I do admit I remember having the thought
itโs gonna get what it deserves for doing this to me.
I knew after a bee used itโs stinger that it would eventually die. I literally grew an intense dislike for any and all insects that had the ability to sting.
Yัฮฑัั Lฮฑััั Fัฮฑั Sััฮนะบัั Agฮฑฮนฮท...
I was in junior high school when another traumatic event occurred. This time it involved a swarm of wasps.
I rode my bike over to a friendโs house to see if he could come outside to play.
Hidden beneath the realm of the walls on his front porch in a deep secure dark space was a wasp family.
I walked up to his front porch to ring the doorbell. I awaited a few moments for an answer but there was still silence from within. I rang the bell a second time and thatโs when it happened.
A swarm of wasps hastily came out of their hiding as if they felt threatened and needed to fight for their home. Before I could even react they were surrounding me. I covered my head and tucked in my face as I ran off the porch and onto my bike.
I was stung multiple times in my back. I remember crying all the way home in shock that this happened to me. I must have been crying and screaming pretty loud because before I rode into the driveway my mother had already made her way outside to meet me and immediately took me in to take care of my back.
These two events traumatized me. I was so angry and grew an even stronger dislike for any insect that had the ability to sting. I slowly developed an intense fear which turned into a phobia.
Lฮนฮฝฮนฮทg ฯฮนัะฝ Aฯฮนฯะฝฯะฒฮนฮฑ
I helped in the yard less and less due to fear of being attacked again. I worked hard to avoid all wasps and bees even if that meant staying in the house when the sun was out.
That day I was attacked by wasps the sun was beaming hot on my back and neck. Every since that incident when I feel the sun beaming on my back I get anxiety. I do this thing where I squeeze in my shoulders and cover my ears.
I always feel Iโm going to get attacked and this is why I always say they are out to get me. In reality I know theyโre not but when Iโm outside and hear them buzzing that fear kicks in and I immediately feel vulnerable to them.
When that swarm of wasps came flying out collectively the buzzing was so loud and I will never forget that sound. Together the hot sun shining down on my neck and back and the sound of buzzing triggers my being to panic, have fear and anxiety.
It has really sucked living with this phobia. My quality of life changed drastically because the things that I once enjoyed the most I felt were taken from me. I was always outside exploring, going into the woods and we even used to crawl down the sewers to explore.
I tried to only be outside in the early mornings when it was too cool for wasps and bees to be out or late in the evening when the sun went down. Once I started going back out during the sunny day I avoided being close to any flowers and I always found shade out of the sun. I felt if I was in the sun I was a target for an attack.
Itโs really crazy how this develops. To think this happened over twenty years ago and I still remember and feel the same things I did as if it happened just yesterday.
Iโve had a lot of embarrassing moments living with apiphobia. When I heard buzzing in my ear or if there was a bee or wasp around me I would scream and flap my arms hysterically as I ran for cover. I even knocked over a kid once trying to save myself.
Embarrassingly one time I left my kids outside in the yard to get away from a bee that seemed to be attached to me. After I was inside I realized what I had done. This fear was out of control and even causing me to act carelessly as a mother when I felt I was being attacked. ๐
I didnโt want to be this way. I disliked the person I became and I really wanted to get help. My family and friends just kept telling me I was in control of my emotions and I had to make a choice to overcome this fear so I could enjoy life outside again.
Tะฝั Hัฮฑโฮนฮทg Bัgฮนฮทั
As you read in my previous post I have taken some major steps to overcome this phobia.
Along with that many of your comments have really helped me in the process and I greatly appreciate that.
Focusing on the things that bees contribute and the benefits they bring for our food cycle has helped a lot. Knowing they are not really focused on me unless they feel threatened but instead are focused on their jobs has also really helped me.
This comment that was left on my last post really offered some great insight and support to my healing process. I hope 
Hi
, I really liked your beautiful post.
Please let me tell you how I've gone beyound my Apiphobia.
When I was a child (4 o 5 years old as I could remember today), I've been stinged on my head by a wasp while I was playing with my friends at the kindergarten. I can still remember that day right now, even if 36 years passed since then.
For many many years since then, my reaction when I was seeing any flying insect vaguely similar to a wasp (bees, wasps, hornets, syrphidae was all the same to my eyes) was to run away while moving my arms in a completely unarticulated way...
One day I discovered the foundamental role pollinating insects has to the nature and the entire world (probably if ever bees should extinguish, the entire natural food chain would collapse).
These informations which was very interesting for the native curiosity of the child I was, were not helping my istinctive fear reaction to them, but created an open loop in my mind which reclamed further investigation about it.
Since then I started to documenting about these interesting insects until one day I realized an obvious fact: in no way any of them would be interested having a conflict with a being 100 times bigger then them, because it would end with their death for sure.
This awareness in my mind little by little made fear become curiosity and curiosity reclamed further experimenting.
Years later I discovered Macro-photography and insects are one of the most interesting subjects for me to picture, so the need to move closer and closer to the subjects and the relaxed approach required by that kind of photography allowed me to understand that with the right attitude, insects let you move closer and in the end I arrived to the conclusion that they completely ignore you, if you dont look threatening to them!
Today I enjoy my time into the outdoors and insects do not worry me anymore.
This is true with the exception of ticks and scolopendra, eh eh eh.
And so, thats it, this is my experience, may be it could inspire you in some way.
Bye bye,
take care.
Giulius
This comment for me was like whoa! Someone else felt exactly what I have felt all these years. As I was reading it I saw myself, especially the part about running away and moving the arms in an unarticulated way. I actually laughed at that part thinking about how ridiculous I probably looked every time I did this. ๐
I am going to follow in the same way of thinking as
Maybe I too will find them rather interesting and develop a new love and respect for them that will trump my fears. ๐
Thanks again
Iโll end with sharing how 
๐คฃ Oh my goodness I had such a good laugh with this one. I thought it was so funny and cute what both Mr. Bee and Mr. Wasp had to say. I even wished they could spread the message to all of their friends not to mess with me this year. Now that would be epic! Lol
Besides if I do ever get stung again the pain will only last for moments, not a lifetime.
Someone once reminded me that
you bore five kids naturally without any interventions and youโre worried about a little bee sting? ๐
Yea makes no sense when you put it into that perspective hahahaha!
Thank you to all of the Stock Image contributors for making their photos available for us to use. Each one has been added as a beneficiary of this post. I have also included