You think you made a decision, but then fear steps in the ring. And it can be the unwanted game-changer.
I quit my job just this week. And in the process I learned something about fear.
What lead me to quit my job
I have high goals for myself. I am following the spiritual path and I am interested in absolute Truth. I want to untangle the illusions all of us hold and want to get to the core of reality and what it means to be human. I am inspired by Buddhism and would call Dream Yoga my core spiritual practice. The one living person I look up to the most, must be Leo Gura, who runs actualized.org.
In that light, I can no longer work for the company that I work for. I have seen through too many illusions. The worldview, that allowed me to work there comfortably, no longer exists within me. So I had made the decision to stop working there only for the sake of earning money.
I could see my fear rising with every day that I came closer handing in my written notice
The interesting part of this was actually becoming fully aware of my inner emotional landscape leading up to that event. First there was an elevating and uplifting feeling, when I made the decision. I imagined how great it would be to finally work on all my own projects and ideas. Than fear stepped into the ring. Here I imagined myself becoming lonely and frustrated, being stigmatized and rejected by society.
*The take-home message for me
I learned that our emotions we feel towards our future and about our decision have no basis in reality. As soon as I handed in my letter of resignation, there was just nothing. It was just again this ever present moment. Life, as it is and like it always will be. Fears about what might happen to my future self, just have no basis in reality. This is so obvious now to me. By quitting this "stable and save, but boring and meaningless" job, I have chosen the path that requires more real work from me. But then how I chose to feel about it in the present moment is what makes all the difference.
So do not let fear rule your life. That only leads to a life full of regrets. Conquer fear and you will see that it is not the lion in the dark, you always thought it was.