Sometimes it's just nice to vent. I am not much of an expression of feelings. In fact, I do not express much at all. I like to think of myself as a stoic in that sense. But the questions keep coming up. It seems like I create these barriers between the man i am and the man i could be. Am i so afraid to live to my potential that i subconsciously cause self destruction in my life. I am afraid. I am afraid of accountability. I am afraid of being responsible for another person. I think about a wife and having children and failing them because I can't bend the world to my will. What if there is not enough money? I have made mistakes in my life that are self inflecting. Why can't i get passed this hump. Why do I continue to cause myself problems instead of being my own solution. Is this a genetic default where all the men in my family line have these issues and vices? I didn't grow up with my father in my life but as an adult i see so many similarities in us and it scares me. He never had much and lived a very challenging life. I try to learn from what i can see but sometimes i feel as though no matter how hard i try to be different i end up feeling the same. Is this what my life is going to be. Just an endless cycle of disappointment and struggle until one day I just keel over and die. Seems kind of pointless.
Let me know if anybody else can relate. I know I can't be the only one out here.