Recently I got involved in some flirting on Facebook and it was fun... until one point.
It just happened and it was fun in the beginning because it was NEW and SPONTANEOUS and I didn’t expect it to happen and I didn’t have any expectations about it.
So, what was UNEXPECTED in the beginning, it started to become a HABIT. When it became a habit, I started to have expectations. As a result, I got HOOKED before I knew it without being aware of it.
And then, I started to want more of it, I was desperate in checking my fb to see if there is any news from this guy. I started to have expectations that maybe something MORE will happen beyond the VIRTUAL world. But, it never did maybe because it was NEVER meant for something to happen for REAL.
So, I started to be confused, even desperate and I realized that he never intended for some more, it was just a game. When I became aware of this, my world crushed. I know, it sounds silly, but this made me realize some things:
• What I thought I wanted was not REALLY what I REALLY wanted: being handsome is FAR from being enough.
• That I have standards and that I am able to recognize them and act accordingly: I mean I cannot stay hooked on a fb fling. It is ridiculous. I have to meet someone out there in the REAL world.
• That I have real needs that need to be satisfied in the REAL world: I think this one doesn’t need any further explanation.
All that attachment came from an unconscious frustration that hasn’t been faced before. Since I am single, I wanted to date this guy and I started to believe that he is the one (to date, not to marry) and I started to get in this NEEDY mood and I was all HOOKED and confused at the same time and I didn’t understand what was going on, why it was not happening more just flirting. But that NEEDINESS was there BEFORE I had started that flirting thing.
So, the moment I realized this I PULLED back to check myself. I started to see that all unsolved issues from childhood or even from past life (who knows) were still there. The flirt experience triggered that EXCITEMENT in the beginning, but when nothing more happened, it was the turn of my dark side to get on the surface: the feeling of not being good enough.
So, I started doing some meditation for recovery and confronting, accepting what was all this time within me, but failed to acknowledge. I am still in the process of understanding my emotions, but the fact that I acknowledge them INDEPENDENTLY from the experience is a great step forward.
All that just from a fb flirt. Can you imagine?
Usually I don’t do this. I don’t even post on fb, I don’t even keep in touch with my fellows from fb. So, I doubt that it was just in my head this flirting thing. But, even if it was just in my head, the point is that it triggered an old wound which was REAL and I became aware of it and started to addressed it.
Besides this, it happens often that we are in our own head every time we face misunderstandings and poor communication in our relationships, with friends and families, in our social life etc.
So, no matter what the experience on the OUTSIDE is, the REAL one is always inside of us, in our soul.
In addition, we all get HOOKED in this kind of bad habits that we are totally unaware of and that drive our life.
We all get triggered every time someone says something or does a small and misplaced gesture that makes us fall in anger or victimization or any kind of negative feeling.
For example when you go to buy something and the seller has this subtle and at the same time obvious attitude of rolling her eyes and saying with a very bored tone of voice “do you want something?”.
Or if it is not about a stranger, it happens with your spouse or a family member who has the same attitude while you try to express your feelings and try to work things out.
I mean in real life, we all get triggered by these small things that really bother us. So, I think a failed flirting experience on facebook shouldn’t be any different.
All it matters is that we should become aware of the experiences, situations and people that we are HOOKED to. How can you tell if you are hooked in a toxic situation or habit? Well... check your feelings:
• See if you are confused or clear about it/her/him
• See if you feel exhausted after a situation or discussion with this person
When you get clear with your emotions, you will recognize faster situations, behaviours, habits and people that keep you hooked in unhealthy ways. Hence, you will make better decisions about where to stay or not, who you should keep in your life and who should be removed.
Mihaela Dragan