“Some secrets, she thought, were better told; some were better left the burden of the carrier, that they might not cause pain to others.”
― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Princess
As a popular saying goes “Ignorance is bliss” , there is just some secrets better left untold. Secrets that when told, may or may not hurt others or yourself too in the long process.
I have known a long time ago that when you confess your romantic feelings to someone, it doesn’t always end up as your forever after. Most of the times, it creates a rift between two people. People who works like a well-oiled clock before.Their parts working in a perfect order. Their whole world set in a routine, same time zone. and then suddenly, one person falls for the other. Something happened,much like when Eve first commited sin. Like the devil just whispered something in your ear,made you eat the forbidden fruit and doomed yourself with a curse. You realizes that you feel way more than what you should feel for the other and then you decides to tell them about it. Just like how Eve convinced Adam to take a bite too. And now both of you ends up with a burden.
I have read somewhere that when you confess what you feel for someone, is that you burden them with a choice. A choice of hurting you with rejection or a choice of taking a chance with you. If it turns out to be the latter, then good for you. You’ve got a shot at your happily ever after. If it’s the former, well I’m sorry love, it’s an unrequited one. And then that burden gets heavier. Why? because you aren’t the only one who carries the hurt. Somehow, even if you tell them that you’re okay, they are burdened with the fact that they also know how it feels to be unwanted by the person you long for the most. There is also the feeling of pushing yourself onto them. That every care and love you give them is a testament of how much they mean to you and they can’t reciprocate it. They know how it feels to be under-appreciated, hence, you are both getting hurt and have no choice but to go your separate ways to try and move on without each other in your respective lives. And just hope someday that what you had before can be salvaged and fixed.
“A million things will run on your mind. It will pull you in a million different directions. Each contradicting each other. And in the end,if you decide to swallow what you feel and continue living in a lie, then you will never know the answer to your questions.
“A heart’s a heavy burden.”
― Diana Wynne Jones, Howl’s Moving Castle