It doesn't take long as a child to realise that being a girl means something different to being a boy. As a girl, this becomes dramatically more apparent as you begin developing into a woman.
The following article has been plagiarised from a four year younger version of myself. To put it into context let me first explain that my Facebook years began at the same time as my University years, and the amount of feminist related content I used to share with my Facebook friends was enough to drive anyone to think I was losing it.
I posted this 'Note' on my Facebook page and it was later shared on the Irish Feminist Network facebook page. I'm a little self critical of my younger self's writing. If I were to write it now it might look a little different.
But without further ado...
Feminist = Me
26 March 2012 at 23:55
Although I should have expected it - and know that for the past few months everyones been thinking it - but today for the first time I got asked how I became a feminist. Of course the question didn't come in those words; the question was
"What happened to you?"
Friends have expressed their concern that I'm coming across very intelligent and serious... as if that's a negative thing. They're not worried for my health because we still have the same fun we always did - but my feminist expressions are so rare that they find it intimidating and "serious". Men think I just hate men. Like I did back in secondary school when I really did think that men were after one thing and once they had it they dumped it. I thought I did hate men when I was young - but only as a sport. I just thought it was funny being a man-hater. I never really hated men - I hated the imaginary man that idle gossip and soaps put in my head.
I couldn't say I love men - that would be as ridiculous as saying I love women. Men are people; women are people. Do I love people? Some of them I do. But the person asking if there was some event that impacted feminism onto me said that a lot of my posts are coming across as sexist.... He said he was genuinely interested in knowing what happened and wasn't trying to insult me so as I considered my short ordinary life for a moment he got an uninvited essay as a reply.
And here it is:
"I don't think anything in particular happened suddenly to cause what a lot of people think is a "sudden change". I understand a lot of people think I'm simply "batting on" about something that doesn't matter because I didn't always see the faults where there are faults, so I understand that you and most people don't see the problems I do. Where I see problems others see progress. I don't see the progress women and society have made as significant at all."
I suppose if I was to pinpoint when it "happened" (& it didn't really happen suddenly at all) I could name some things that made me ask questions & want to express myself.
- a primary school teacher who told me I'm supposed to respect my brothers but they're not obligated to respect me
- the teenage years where I hated my mam for not teaching me about make-up or fashion
- my friends & cousins using "beaten by a girl" as some kind of insult on my little brother
- a college assignment that caused over 50 random students to miss the 1st 15 minutes of class to watch me stand still dressed as a prostitute
- some sexual street harassment from people (mainly kids) who I've always regretted not punching in the face
- being asked why I wouldn't like to have children again & again
- my friend reporting a rape & getting nothing but a good laugh from the guardaí
- being told the same tired kitchen joke everytime someone was too lazy to consider my point"
I'm not trying to pretend to be some kind of victim here - I'm simply answering how I got to this feminist point by asking myself 'When did I start asking questions?' - and all of these events are small short examples of times I've asked myself what it means to be a girl / woman.
I have a very vivid memory of being a very young child - maybe nine or ten - asking myself "why was I born a girl?" That is no word of a lie, I've never forgotten that night where I genuinely felt like being a girl was somehow not as good as being a boy. I had no understanding of feminism then. The only thing I understood was I was treated differently because I was a girl. And as I got older - and became a woman - the difference in treatment by others continued to increase. At 14 men on building sites shouted what were supposed to be compliments. I thought somehow they've mistaken me for a woman!! In my head, I'd expect them to shout these things at women - but not me.
My essay/reply on what led me to express too much feminism continued:
"And Facebook.
Facebook happened & suddenly it was easy to find people with the same frustrations as me. So I no longer shut up feeling stupid after a kitchen joke. Nor will I acknowledge the kitchen remark since it doesn't apply to my time plus it is "only a joke" as good as "yea your ma". A stupid persons way out of a difficult conversation.
And I don't take everything I post seriously. I posted about the origins of high-heels (which were for both men & women in Ancient Egypt) but I still go out in dresses & heels on a nightout. I'm the same person I always was only I no longer keep my questions of what "normal" means in my head - where it's not healthy."
Once upon a time being a Nazi was "normal". Now starving ourselves half to death to gain absolutely nothing but a number on a weighing scales is "normal". Seperating the sexes and supplying them with seperate supplies is "normal". Pink for girls and blue for boys is "normal" and it helps fit the people with willies (and facial hair) into seperate boxes from the people with fannies (and boobs). This constant separation of buying building toys for boys and dresses for girls is "normal". A 12 year old growing girl dieting is "normal". This word - normal - How can we escape it if we don't question it?
Back to the uninvited essay:
"And it's not a hatred of men at all. Society happens to be sexist - that's not calling you sexist nor is it calling men sexist. I don't see myself focusing more on womens problems than mens as sexist because I don't see this as a men against women problem - even if I've accidentally made it look like I do. It's not a case of men against women, it's a case of winners and losers & since all of the political movements women have been through to empower women, women are still losing by a tiny fraction less than they were before."
I would never claim that to be mens fault - it's womens problem and it's womens fault.
"Housewives have become glamour models."
Women are still abiding by a capitalist media message that tells us what we are "supposed" to be - or here comes that word again - what it's normal to be.
"I guess I don't post about men's problems for the same reason men don't write womens stories. I've never had the opportunity to live them - we live in 2 very different cultures & I don't think we're supposed to.... It prevents us from relating to one another as much as we could."
"I know you weren't looking for that lecture but this is what runs through my head everyday - when they say on international womens day "until we are treated equal we must never stop asking why" that lives deep inside my bones."
"It's not something that irritates me to have to think about - its me.
It allows me be me."
"I noticed 2 weeks ago just how many of my posts take up my friends pages & am refraining from posting too much - I'm pretty sure most people are hiding my comments anyway to avoid having to think about what I have to say. That doesn't bother me. Nobody has to listen to or read what I have to say. But if it matters to me I still get to say it."