Most men say they don't want children all of their life, but the minute that a woman says she doesn't, it's like the end of the world. Being one of those women who's chosen not to bear children, I've heard a lot of phrases told to women who don't want a child. As a result, I wanted to write a little paper debunking these unbacked theories, to help empower we women who don't want any.
- "Once you get to be like 35, you'll change your mind"
This is one of my favorites, because it's the most ridiculous, yet it's the one that people seem to come up with immediately. This is the most ridiculous theory because A) It implies that the woman has no idea what she wants because, duh, she JUST TOLD YOU SHE DOESN'T WANT ANY CHILDREN, EVER, and B) it implies that if she did change her mind, which like she already said, is NOT likely to happen, that she only has a small amount of time to do so.
If she already said she doesn't want any, she's probably thought this decision over for years and years. That means she's probably not budging on the issue, so there's no reason to even bring up this ridiculous possibility. Secondarily, men seem to be allowed to have children far up into their 50's, and nobody even bats an eye. If she does change her mind (which, like she said, isn't likely) sometime after 35, it's not like having a child would be impossible. She could still possibly be physically able too. There's also adoption. There's plenty of options. But it's likely she won't succumb to them just because she's 35.
- "Once you get to be like 35, you'll change your mind"
- "Once you find the right person, you'll settle down. It happens to everyone"
It happens to everyone? What is this, seventh grade? Societal peer pressure is unlikely to change this woman's mind. Also, assuming that a partner is necessary to have a child is a pretty archaic idea. There are single men and women, all of the time, opting to get donors or to adopt and raise a child on their own. Even if you are married or in a partnership for a few years, that doesn't warrant popping out or adopting a baby just because it's expected. It's 2016, and the idea that a couple, married or not, can be together for years and years and years, and still not have children, happens all of the time.
There's nothing wrong with being single forever, and never deciding to have children. There's also nothing wrong with deciding to be in a lasting relationship, and still not have kids. She can do whatever the fuck she wants with her body and her life, because, DUH, it's heres.
- "Once you find the right person, you'll settle down. It happens to everyone"
AND LASTLY (Drum roll please!):
- 3.) "You never want children? That's so selfish."
Selfish? Who, us?
This is the one that makes me laugh the hardest, because I feel that not having children if you know you're not ready for them is one of the most selfless things you could do. Children are not commodities or trophies to show off to your family to say, "Look, I did it. I raised a little me." Their expensive, emotionally draining, and there's a lot riding on you as the parent to ensure their success, which still might not even happen depending on environment and personal factors.
I've known so many people that I saw as incredibly selfish for deciding to have children when they weren't ready. I mean I applaud them for doing the best they could, but I just feel like you shouldn't be giving a child a half-ass upbringing if you can help it. If you're not financially and/or emotionally/mentally stable, than having a child is a selfish thing to do.
I feel it's important to be selfish for your own sanity and peace of mind, rather than the sanity and peace of mind of a hypothetical child that doesn't even exist yet.
So those are the one's I've heard the most. What are some of the phrases you've heard someone say before?