'I'LL TRAIN MY BOY(S), AND LET SOCIETY TRAIN MY GIRL(S)...'
Some years ago, I eavesdropped into a conversation of some young high school boys, presumably my mates, although they seemed quite exposed and (mis)informed than I was. The crux of their conversation was the various strategies they deployed in coercing girls into granting 'consent' to their sexual advances. Of all confessions I heard, one struck me most. A particular boy, who I thought was not more than 16, stated boldly that once a girl went into his "theatre" (room), he locked the door, and tried to initiate the act. If he met resistance, he would threaten to use his belt on the girl. At that point, everything happened. That shocked me greatly. As at then, I could hardly initiate a conversation with a girl, let alone coerce one into having sex with me. That conversation didn't influence me wrongly, it later formed my opinion that rapists are not formed at adulthood or old age, they are created at childhood and adolescence.
Morality is not a balanced sermon in Africa. The girl child gets preached to right from the womb, while the male child, in most homes, is left to wander alone until a girl with a protruded stomach is dragged to his father's homestead. We spend quality time telling the girls the dos and donts of society, while we ignore the male child, leaving him with the belief that his only duties are to grow, make money, procreate, and keep his dad's name. While we tell the girl child to close her legs while sitting, we don't tell the male child he shouldn't force closed legs open. We tell a girl she would get pregnant if a boy touches her, but cease to tell a boy he would be a young father if he touches a girl. We instill all manners of fears into the girl child and ignore the yearning ears of the boy. He grows to make his rules, which is often influenced by innate desires.
Take it or leave it, society is a reflection of the family. Forget about bad leadership, talk about morality, talk about virtues, talk about duties, responsibilities, and obligations; these are core concerns of the family, not society. How many parents warn against hard drugs like they do their one-sided premarital sex sermon? Most guys are yet to hear the harmful effects of hard drugs from the people who brought them to the world. How do you leave young ones to form their truths and expect them to make right judgements? How many mothers warn against rape? I'm aware some mothers share condoms to their boys, but while sharing, do these women tell their boys that sex is not by force? They are only selfish enough to protect their boys from diseases and unwanted pregnancy, forgetting the most important caution which revolves around consent (Sadly, not abstinence. We have grown above that [sobs]).
When I was serving, we once went for sensitization in a public school. Our main focus was drug abuse. We engaged the students as we spelt out the harmful effects of drugs to them. During our interaction, I learnt a number of drugs people mix to stay high. I wasn't amazed at the mixtures as I was at the status and ages of those who knew and took them. High school boys between ages 12 and 18 with such knowledge! Wow! My ignorance was exposed. As I write, I am yet to take Tramadol ( I'm no saint tho). I'm yet to take anything those boys noted they inhaled, drunk, and swallowed. Now, who is to blame for that? Me, the government, society, or parents? I will say society and parents.
In a patriarchal world like Africa's, the male is made to feel almost always right, while the female must be corrected, instructed, taught, and created to look like what the society wants. That's why we see many women staying in abusive relationships and marriages. And of course, that's why we have many wife beaters. Although, in recent years, women have been recorded to be perfect abusers, it still doesn't match the jaw breaking record set by the men. Women, I would say, are only reacting to the neglect by society of their pains and afflictions. However, it is a very bad response. The society should strike a balance in what it expects from both sexes. When you set boundaries for the girl, do same for the boy. Family should play its role in the upbringing of children. Special attention shouldn't be placed on any gender, leaving the other with the knowledge that he could do what he likes, when he wishes, and how he desires.
While I wait on things to change, I'll train my boy(s), and let society train my girl(s). There are already rigid structures to help mould the girl child, and there is none for the boy child. The family must be that structure to guide the male in the right path. From childhood, rape should be condemned, drugs should be preached against. The dangers of thuggery, cultism and other social vices should be made known at adolescence. There's no need abandoning young ones to their judgements and decisions and trusting they would make right ones. Boys need attention as much as the girls. They are not all knowing. They, as well as the girls, should be guided aright.
P.S: There is need for Juvenile Education and Gender balance in Africa.
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