UNREQUITED LOVE
Do you still remember what it felt like when you had your first love? That mixed feeling of ecstasy and anxiety whenever you're around them. The way how'd you'd spend ages in front of the mirror dressing up just to impress. Falling in love, truly, is a beautiful process, even if your feelings are't returned.
Unrequited love is when you love someone but they don't love you back. The passion and care is unreturned. This was an experience I had with my first love. Of course, there were others that caught my attention before him. But I was certain that it was him, that he was my first. Because he was also my first heartbreak. You see, your first love isn't the first one you give your heart to, rather they are the first one's to break it. We used to be so close, him and me. I still remember our long conversations that would later turn to nonsense just to make it last. He was kind, and had a good sense of humor. He would often make me laugh and smile especially when I needed it. We became best-friends. The more I get to know him, the harder I fall. His hair, his cute Japanese eyes, the way they disappear when he flashes his toothy grin, he was a masterpiece.
I was young and in love, so I thought that maybe, just maybe he felt the same way. I thought we had a mutual understanding, he gave me sweet compliments and gestures, and the three words "I Love You" escaped his lips once or twice, making me believe that I really had a chance.
During high school, I was about to make a confession, we would usually go home together, so I waited for him at the usual spot. I was nervous as hell. I waited for him for about an HOUR but he never came, I just assumed that he went home ahead because he had things to do. But man was I wrong, it turns out he went home with the company of another girl. So everyday, I faked a smile and pretended to be happy for them. With his girl to always keep him occupied, communication grew lesser and lesser until suck time that everything we did, what we had, faded into nothing but a mere memory.
The girl was his first, but definitely not his last. This just shows that high-school is truly a time full of opportunities. I was still there, silently, quietly hoping that he'll end up with me. I kept it all in, it was frustrating. The more you hide it, the more it affects you. So when senior high was coming to an ends, I decided to tell the truth, everything. While doing so, I was so pissed at him for leading me on that I slapped him out of reflex and left without another word. A lot of things had happened then, yet one question still remains unanswered. Did he ever, in one point of his life, looked at me and said "I think I'm in love with her."
5 years later, on the 25th day of July year 2016, I finally had an answer. It turns out that he too, fell in love with me from all the memories we had made. But he thought that I could never feel the same way and would lose our friendship in the process. He was asking for a chance. But it was too late, for my wedding bells were ringing the next day.
Yes, first love never dies, but true love can bury it alive. Some people are just really meant to be stepping stones to something and someone better. So to my first love, I thank you for breaking my heart, because if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here with the love of my life who brought me nothing but happiness. You, my friend, will always have a place in my heart, who showed me that you should let your past make you better, not bitter.