Dear Peter,
I am sitting here at the rooftop of a four-storey building. To be honest, I almost had a hard time going upstairs because I am acrophobic. Yes, I am afraid of heights – because whenever I go to high places, I always fear that I might get fall. Who is not afraid of falling hard when you know no one will ever catch you, anyway?
So I am trying to calm myself, since this is the real reason why I am here, to have a peace of mind, meditate, and witness the beauty of the sun which will set very, very soon. So while I am savoring this moment, looking at the trees, feeling the cold breeze of the wind, I need to think of something that might help me to stay calm… And guess what, the first thing – or maybe the first person I thought of was you. And maybe this is the reason why I am writing to you. Isn’t it ironic? That I can still think of you when you’ve became so oblivious of me? Isn’t it ironic? That you can still make me peaceful when all you have done was destroy every piece of me after leaving me?
The first time I met you, you immediately gave light to my dimming and dark life. Seeing you inch by inch, seconds per seconds, gives me a reason to start again in many aspects… start a new life, start a new viewpoint just like how I began a new day today when the sun rose up high… I don’t know what is this that I am feeling, this is just a normal day, you are just a normal guy, same thing that I always experience and encounter everyday, but you’re different from the other days I’ve gone through. I have this gut feeling that something good might happen today.
And there you are. You made me happy in every way you can. You are so bright that looking at you makes me feel dazzled. You are too hot that I can't even touch you because it melts me like an ice cream. And you know that when I do melt, I will fall for you and will never get back to the solid form I was before.
Yes, I fall for you.
I fall in love with you.
I told you a while ago, that I am acrophobic. But why does it not create fear or anxiety even if being with you makes me feel so high?
So since I am happy being with you, I just enjoyed this day. I just enjoyed your presence. The love and affection you gave me, it just really makes me happy that I don't want this to ever end.
And as of that moment, I thought that you are already the one.
Yet, I forgot, that you are just a normal day, that came into my life and then after the dawn, you will also leave me, just like the other guys did to me.
You stayed with me for almost nine months, yet it feels like you just stayed with me for less than 24 hours.
And yes, I am right. Something really good happened today. But of course, as I expected, this will all end into a bad memory. Isn’t it ironic, again? You’re the one who gave light to me, but you are also the one who bring my life back to darkness, to sadness, and brokenness.
Anyways, all of the guys I have loved are just like you. They are just like a normal day that I have enjoyed but when they have to set and the night came, they left me in the dark and forgot about me like I never became a part of their lives.
But you, you are different from them. There is something that separates you from those guys I had. Because the moment you left me, I cannot do anything. You let go of my hand, but I did not mind to grab yours and hold it again. You walked away from me, and even if I wanted you to stay, I still set you free. You are a sunset. And yes, everyday I always look at sunset but you are the sun I am trying to look at right now. You are too beautiful, and fancy to stop you from leaving. You are already leaving but I am still amazed of you. And of all the sunsets I have seen, you are the most beautiful. And this is the first time I feel that farewell is not just about loneliness, that I am not afraid to be left out, that sunsets are not just about goodbyes.
Of all the sunsets I have seen, this is the first time I felt that setting someone I love free will make me feel happy.
If I ever graze in your mind, would you give yourself a time to think of the memories we had together? If you ever think of me, would you mind to write a letter for me, just like what I am doing right now?
I am still here, sitting at the rooftop of a four-storey building. And now that you are gone, the darkness has devoured me, but I am still grateful for this day, for meeting you, for having you, and for loving you. Tomorrow is another day, and the sun will rise again. I may meet other guys in my life, but I will never ever forget you. You may forget about me, but I will always remember you, just like how I will remember the sun that I have witnessed setting in the dark today.
Because Peter, you were the one, and you are still the one.
The girl you loved but will always continue loving you,
- X
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