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Dr. Orji looks up from his table, and you can tell he isn’t pleased to see you. The knot in your stomach tightens.
You feel like you should apologize for walking in on him, and so you do. But he waves it off, with a not-so-genuine smile.
Your heart beat races. “The result...” You stammer. “I’m here for the result of the test.”
He cajoles you to take a seat.
Your legs walk ahead of you, your brain catches up, “Thank you,” you say, your eyes fixed on the file by his hands.
“I was just about to ring in the nurse. The tests are ready. I thought she was the one who was coming in.” He adjusts the glasses on the bridge of his nose.
You stare fixed at the object, willing yourself to stay put, and not act like a crazed woman; snatching it up, and checking it out yourself.
“That’s my file,” you say, as though telling him a fact he isn’t aware of.
His eyes follow yours, and he stares like he is seeing it for the first time. “Oh yes, the file.” He says, and then he laughs at a joke, apparently only he can hear.
You notice the largeness of his nostrils, and you wonder how many fingers he can fit in at the same time.
The silence, and your piercing stare brings him to check, “I’m sorry.”
“How far gone am I?” is the question you should ask, because you know undoubtedly that a new life grows within you, but you rephrase, banking on hope. “I’m pregnant, no?”
He sighs and straightens up. “There’s a complication.”
You repeat the question like you didn’t hear what he said.
“The test came out positive,” he says.
Strength drains out of your body. Your head begins to pound, like it has gotten leave from the heart to do its job by pumping blood into every part of your body.
You can see what’s going on around you, but you can’t see see every item seems to float, it is like you’re under water, and everything dances rhythmically in front of you, as though to a slow ocean music.
His lips are moving, but all you hear is your heart, pounding from your head.
thump…thump…thump
You stagger to your feet, and place your hands on your belly.
The doctor stands with you, offering his hands as if to catch you…you didn’t realize you were falling, until you hit the ground.
And then everything goes black.
You wake up to two brown eyes staring down at you. You blink.
Opening your eyes, you try to reach for your head, which feels like mortar with pepper being pounded in it. There is a restraint, and tugging creates a spasm that jolts through you. The same moment, a hand holds yours, whispering you’d hurt yourself if you move.
You squint to make out the face, because your brain feels muddled, quite unable to process any information.
“What’s happening?” is all you can ask.
You feel a gentle kiss on your head, you see him.
It all comes back to you.
You close your eyes fighting back the tears, and then you whisper. “Call Mom.”
You swore you weren’t going to speak another word to her. You screamed at her, you shook her, all you felt was pain, and anger. She betrayed you, deceived you. You swore at her, threatening fire and brimstones. You told her you hated her.
But now you need her, you’re helpless. You still blame her, but yet you need her…