If you are just discovering this novel click [here](https://steemit.com/fiction/@dreemit/today-again-prologue-part-one-of-two-a-novel-written-for-steemit-by-dreemit) to start at the beginning.
It was the nineteenth day on repeat and Caleb had spent the past couple of them making a concrete plan. He’d learned where he could pick up a gun, obtained Officer Owens personal cell number, talked to a few of the guys to see who would be willing to play lookout for him…If he pulled it off he would definitely be going out with a bang…pun intended, he chuckled to himself. Would dying break this cycle? He wondered.
Nineteen Thursdays, not even three weeks but it already felt like an eternity. He tipped back the bottle of Johnny Walker Black label, and took another long pull. His vision was beginning to blur, but oddly his thoughts were still clear. As if his body and mind were no longer connected. He hauled his body up and over the railing of the bridge and sat on the narrow ledge, his feet dangling over the precipice, glancing down at the water that rushed by a hundred feet below him.
He felt strangely isolated, no cars had passed in the last twenty minutes at least. He took another swig and looked back down. I could end it now, he thought. Leave Owens in peace…then again there was always the chance that his execution of an innocent man was eating away at him and Caleb’s plan would be the only thing to give him true peace….he scoffed, yeah right. He’d yet to meet a cop with a conscience.
Still, if there was an afterlife, other than the one he was currently in, then perhaps if he offed himself right now it would count in his favor. Caleb, you’ve been bad, but in the end you made the “right” choice, so here’s your wings, you are now the personal Guardian Angel for Officer Owens…he laughed darkly. Now that would be a twist, hell in the guise of heaven. The only thing that would be worse was if he found himself the guardian of a certain brown-haired girl. His stomach turned over and he tipped the bottle back, his throat convulsing as he consumed what he hoped would be enough to push that thought from his head.
Ten minutes later, the time it took for the potent alcohol to fully absorb into his bloodstream, he staggered to his feet, and leaned back against the railing, gripping the edges with his fingertips as his vision faded in and out. His thoughts had frayed, unfortunately it was the ones of her that persisted. Fuck this place, he thought disjointedly, whatever’s next hastobebetter. Hastobe. He was vaguely aware of a car screeching to a halt behind him and the sound of a voice shouting as he launched himself into oblivion.
<br>
*****
<br>
“What if there was no tomorrow?”
Lissa’s head swung towards the source of the question, her eyes landing on Evan’s brother-in-law Jack.
Jon shrugged, “Well, then I guess none of my plans would matter anyway.”
Jack nodded. “Exactly. You ever wonder why they call this a planet, or plan…it? We’ve been indoctrinated since childhood to “make plans” but if you look back on your life, how often did they go the way you intended? And when you didn’t plan for anything was it really a catastrophe? Or did things somehow work out?”
“So what are you saying, that we should never plan for the future, we should just let things happen?”
Jack shook his head, “What I’m saying is that you need to comprehend why you’re making the plan, what’s at the root of it, what do you really want? And once you figure that out then put your intent on it. The universe will align with true intent, I’ve witnessed that over and over.”
“Do what you love and the money will come?” Jack’s wife interjected.
“That’s part of it,” Jack answered. “But it’s deeper than that. Money will always come…how many times have you worried about it? A bill that needed to be paid for example, when it seemed hopeless but you’re here right now, you must have gotten through it, right? If you concentrate instead on what it is that you really want out of life at least you won’t have wasted your time.”
Jon nodded, “I need a beer, and to think about that a bit.” He got up and Len, who had been leaning in like Lissa, took Jon’s seat.
“What’s up Len my friend?” Jack greeted him with a grin.
“I like that idea…..
Lissa sat back in her chair. What if there was no tomorrow? Now that was ironic. Of course he’d meant what if you died today…which really that was also ironic, but she wondered what he would say if she told him her situation. “Hey Jack, it’s funny that you should ask that question, because for me there hasn’t been a tomorrow for the past nineteen days, and I’m not entirely certain there will ever be one. In fact it’s possible that I’m already dead and that this is my purgatory, or maybe this is the moment of my death, albeit an extremely long moment, but if that’s the case what is it I’m supposed to be learning? Because I…” *Because I what?* She’d been avoiding this question, using grassroots as a distraction. She could tell herself that what was happening to her was random, but she’d be lying if she said she really believed that.
She had overdosed on drugs less than a week before she was supposed to carry out her…plan to leave Tyler. Plan, she inwardly scoffed. What had been preventing her from leaving? Money? Well sure it was nice to have backup, but that last hundred or so, had she needed that? It suddenly seemed ridiculous. Or like an excuse. After all, she hadn’t used her time to make a solid plan. Really what she’d needed from the moment she’d made the decision to leave him was time to get over her fear of doing so. But what was she afraid of, exactly? Being alone? Yes, she decided, that was a big part of it. Living where she did she was never alone. But if she left Tyler she would be completely alone since she had no bonds with anyone besides him. And why was that? Maybe his friends were not what she would choose for herself, but why hadn’t she made an attempt to get close to people she could relate to, whose company she enjoyed? Well, at least until now.
She looked around the campfire and was overwhelmed with how much she loved these people. Who might not even be real, she reminded herself. Although…could her imagination really be so in depth that she’d created these beings in her mind? With all of their unique characteristics? If that was the case, perhaps she’d overlooked her true calling and if she ever woke up she *would* start writing novels.
They have to be real, she thought. Maybe I’m the one who isn’t. Now that was a disturbing thought. She pinched herself…it hurt.
“Hey, what are you thinking about so hard?” Lori asked with a smile as she took a seat on her right side.
She smiled back, “If I told you you’d think I was nuts.”
Lori’s smile widened, “That’s okay, I like nutty people.”
De ja vu had become a normal part of her life. “Maybe I’ll tell you tomorrow.” Oh, clever, she inwardly scoffed at herself. She reached over and grabbed a beer. Lori was still looking at her with an eyebrow raised. She met her eyes and considered spilling it. Even if Lori did think she was nuts it’s not as if she’d remember.
“Whoa, damn!” Aidan said loudly.
Lissa’s head jerked to look at him. He was reading his phone and his brother’s smile vanished as he leaned in and read with him.
Lissa felt her heart stutter a bit as she watched them. This was new…they were always ‘geeking out’ at this hour. Always. And she hadn’t done anything to change that pattern…or had she? She reviewed the day, but couldn’t think of anything.
“What is it?” Lori asked.
She turned to the girl and saw the question was directed at her brothers.
“Uh…well someone on my Facebook just posted late breaking news, I guess some guy jumped off a bridge in Albany. He didn’t make it.”
Lissa felt her mouth dry up. It’s not him, she thought, that’s ridiculous. Albany is a huge place. It’s not him…“What was his name?” She blurted.
“Uh, Caleb Hamilton, age twenty-four,” he glanced at her, his brows drawing together. “Hey…are you okay?”
