Image source: https://pixabay.com/en/man-woman-dispute-thoughtful-2933984/
Defeated, judged, jealousy, hated deceived are just some of the negative emotions that we feel at some point of our lives. Although negative, these are crucial as they tend to make us or break us. It solely depends then on how we try to process things out.
At some point of my life, I was so inspired by the Master of the Game which was a very controversial novel by the way. It is a story that covers four generations of family which is covered blindly by fame, fortune, greed and lust. I wanted to write something like that but it seems hard because I am not a seasoned writer like Cornwell and the rest of the decorated novel writers. So let us say that this story for today is based on a true to life account. I hope you would take time reading on this one.
I was barely breathing when I saw my mom and dad holding my hand. There is this deafening silence that made me not to hear any of their words. I could see my mom in tears while my dad was intently looking at me. That was their tightest grip that I ever experienced from both of them. I could see how worried they are for me. I wanted to console them by hugging them tight but I was just so weak.
It seemed to be like in the movies wherein the lead would be taken to the emergency room in a hospital. I never thought that something like this would ever happened to me.
I prayed for the Lord that whatever happens to me, He would always be on my side. And if it happens that my life ends there, then I am so willing to accept my fate. I still have dreams that I want to pursue but if my time comes, so be it. I think I was able to live a fulfilled life somehow.
I closed my eyes as I could not bear the pain my belly anymore.
I woke up and realized that I was already in the operating room. I was told few hours before admission that I need to go for an operation. will be undergoing an operation in consonance with the incident that occured to me. I wanted to ask few more things but then I felt the sedative filling up my senses.
Image source: https://pixabay.com/en/surgery-hospital-doctor-operation-3034138/
There were a lot of thoughts going on my mind but then there is just one person that kept on running to my mind, Justin.
Image source: https://pixabay.com/en/model-arsa-aroni-photography-956676/
Our families knew each other so we basically grew up together from the same community. He was like a big brother to me and I considered him one. Some things just changed when I reached adolescence. It was then when I realized that I wanted to be his company and no one else around. I wanted to be near him more often.
What made me like him? Well, it is really hard to point it out. Maybe because of what he is capable of doing? Like how his smile make me go crazy over him? Or how his stare would make me smile too.
Image source: https://pixabay.com/en/man-guy-person-standing-wood-dock-2631267/
Whenever he talks, I just wanted to listen to him. He is just a typical looking person but a lot of girls would go crazy about him. I told my closest friends about what I feel and they just shut down the idea of me and Justin. I call him kuya or big brother, but deep inside my heart I wanted to call him more than that.
When I reached college, we frequently see each other. We spent nights together with the rest of the youth in our organization. We practice a lot to entice other young adults to join us in fellowship. He makes me feel at ease all the time.
One night during a practice break, he sat beside and asked me how I was doing. I smiled at him and said “so-so”. He smiled back at me. He asked me a lot of stuff about school and some of the guys who were trying to court me. I laughed at his last question. I told him “nah, we were all just friends and besides I focus on my studies”.
“That is good to know Sasha. You should really focus on something that would lead you to your bright future. You know, you are a beautiful woman and someday you will become a beautiful bride”. Those words of him made my heart skip a bit. I do not really have any idea if he is interested in me because he has lots of girl friends and I am just a mere spectator.
I thanked him for such compliment. I was not expecting his further actions though.
He took my hand and grabbed his phone and asked me for his number. “Would you mind if you save your number on my phone? I would love to talk to you more often”.
I could not resist him so I typed his number and handed him his phone. He saved my number under the name Babe. I was taken aback by his bold gesture but I like his idea.
My dad was already waiting for me so I big him goodbye. After that evening we were texting frequently already and I felt something special for him.
Weeks of getting to know each other turned into months as he decided to pop the question to me. “I really like you a lot and I wanted to know more about you. Would it be great if I can call you mine from now on?”
I wanted to say no of course somehow to make him feel that I am not easy but I said yes in an instant. Oh well, the heart does not lie.
Image source: https://pixabay.com/en/couple-youth-in-love-paris-park-814825/
In relationships, the first months were like in a honeymoon stage. He bought me flowers. He visits me to my school. We go out of town together and then we did a lot of crazy and magical stuff.
I heard some issues about him but I did not bother to believe at all. For me, he is perfect and he will never do things that they accuse of him.
We fell hard for each other, or so I thought.
I was daydreaming while looking outside of my hospital room’s window. How can something so magical end up like this? We could have been celebrating our 7th anniversary already but a lot of twists and turns happened that I ended up hurt and alone.
I wanted to clarify things to him but he shut his door on me.
My mother was near me, taking a nap after a long and tiring night for her. After slipping in our house, I found out myself bleeding. I did not know what to do. I was so shocked for what happened to me. My mom heard what happened to me so she immediately went to my room.
“Mom”, I could only call her in a soft voice. Her face was in terror when she saw what happened to me. She immediately called my dad as they rushed me to the hospital.
The doctor said I had a miscarriage. It was a result after I slipped in my room. I knew the moment I missed my period that I was pregnant. I was scared, but then I was so excited. I instantly called Justin and told about the news.
Image source: https://pixabay.com/en/people-man-woman-couple-dating-2561578/
Days after I told him about it, both of our parents talked. My mom insisted that we should get married as soon as possible, but Justin’s mom said that we should wait until I graduate in college.
My heart was broken. How am I suppose to tell this to him? My heart was broken but I know what happened to me would break me more.
“Oh sha, you are already awake. How are you feeling right now baby?” My mom asked me that moment she woke up.
“I do not know what to feel mom. I just want to soil to eat me alive.”
“Should we tell him about this?” My mom seemed to be very worried.
“I do not know if it is okay to tell Justin about this now.”
My mom’s facial expression changed. She became anxious. “Why do you care more about his feelings than your situation right now? I will call him. He better be here and watch over you.”
What else can I do now? And I do not even have the strength to protest against my mom’s decision.
“Okay. Just do whatever you think is right. I will just take a nap for awhile.”
I wanted to feeling to be in deep sleep. I do not feel any pain whenever I am asleep. I do not feel anything at all.
I woke up again and my mom’s expression became more anxious. I asked her why and she told me that Justin does not wish to pay me a visit because he is busy doing a lot of stuff for the organization.
A part of me wanted to sulk in tears but a part of me wanted to stop loving the man that I had been loving for years.
I was thinking deep. When some of my friends got pregnant by their boyfriends, they would immediately plan out their weddings. And here I am in the hospital, after a miscarriage, he does not even make time for me to check on me.
Maybe, this will soon lead to something. I do not know, but I hope not.
