I really enjoyed this. The entire first half felt really emotionally accurate - it is a believable scene and dialogue, which I do not mean as faint praise. It is spot on.

My only constructive criticism would be that the exposition about the river and pollution felt a little forced - your story had been doing a marvelous job of showing us what was happening and then it kind of took a break to tell us what was happening, and it felt disjointed. There are ways to work in exposition a little more subtly. But this is a minor thing - I am only even saying this to you because I think your writing is terrific and you show true promise as an author here. Keep it up.

Much love - Carl "Totally Not A Bot" Gnash

Hive account@carlgnash from the Hive account@humanbot Human Certified Original Works Initiative has manually determined this post to be the original and truly creative work of the post author.

Learn more:
https://steemit.com/curation/@carlgnash/what-human-certified-original-works-means-to-me-a-totally-unofficial-mission-statement-from-just-one-person-in-a-decentralized

Thanks for being an original and creative content creator! You rock!