why is it that in world travel or fantasy stories where a scientific world and a magic world meet that no one ever tries to mix magic with technology? -- Anon Guest
[AN: Usually because the Author has decided to Not Go There or it will end up like the Flintstones]
Someone had thought this through. Enchanting a central spindle with Endless Turning, and making it activated by the use of a button and a dial, and then making attachments to reduce the labor and potential for blood loss in the kitchen. There was a large bowl to collect or mix the ingredients. A shield to prevent the user from instantly destroying their hands in the whirling blades of potential maiming. There was a chute to feed things down and a device to press things into the chute.
"It can slice, dice, grate, mix, and julienne," said Maureen Miller. "Faster than even a world-class chef. No insult on your abilities, of course.
The best chef in the world, Taako -you know, from T.V.- sneered at the insult anyway. "That remains to be seen, my dear. I'm pretty fucking fast, you know."
Lucas, still at the awkward stripling stage of young adulthood, cleared his throat. This invention was his baby, and he'd earned the right to put his oar in on the matter. "How about a race? You against the Cuisine-art. First one through... oh... julienning a dozen zucchinis wins."
"Twenty," said Taako. "If I win, you pay me to endorse your... thing. If you win... I use your products on the road and sell them off for only five percent markup."
Behind him, his assistant choked on his mead. "You sure about this, Taako? It seems like a big risk..."
That earned a glare from the magnificent Elf. "Posolutely, my dude. Let's get this on."
Forty zucchinis of equal size were rounded up, fresh from the markets. Lucas gave Taako a head start, and set up his Cuisine-art only after his buzzer went off.
Taako was in fine form, knife a blur the instant his buzzer went of. He'd neatly julienned five zucchinis before Lucas even got started. Three more before he was done assembling his machine. And then...
{BBZZOW, BBZZOW, BBZZOW}... Lucas and his machine julienned three zucchinis in the time it took Taako do do one. At that rate, he was done in next to no time. He even sauntered over to Taako and offered to do the last ones in his pile, exuding the kind of greasy confidence that made a surprising number of strangers think unkind thoughts.
Sazed, the assistant, popped a friendly hand on Lucas' shoulder. "Don't anger a wizard, dude. 'Cause a magic missile to the ass often offends."
Indeed, Taako was seething. He looked like he was thinking fond thoughts about Magic Missile, anyway. "Fine," he said, but in a way that clearly indicated that it wasn't. "You and your cuisinart win."
"It's not pronounced that--"
"Just drop it," advised Sazed. "It's a miracle he got that close."
"But I get to think up the tag line."
"Oh gods, we're in so much trouble," said Lucas. He'd drawn a direct line between Taako, his show, Sizzle it Up! With Taako, and the Cuisine-art and coming up with a lexical disaster.
"It's a deal," said Maureen. "Provided we approve."
"Hey, I gotta say this shit for every show," said Taako. Then he snapped his fingers. "Think it's a miracle? Close! It's a Miller."
Stunned silence from his audience of three.
"That... actually works," said Lucas, shocked and awed.
"We could use that for every gadget that works on the same principal," allowed Maureen.
"Hey, fuck you, that phrase is copyright Taako. You get to use it free on your cuisinart. Everything else? Taako demands royalties."
Very, very slowly, Sazed facepalmed and muttered, "Gods fucking damnit, Taako..." in an exasperated voice. "Why do you have to do this for every sponsor?"
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / Digitalstudio]
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