Hard to explain: basically this post. -- Anon Guest
[AN: I see the Terry Pratchett quote in that post. GNU.]
"So. You know about werewolves, right? Terrible curse, full moon, murder and devastation and all that shit?"
"I... think so. Um. Why are you leading me into your basement?" Gria grew increasingly alarmed as Thom lead her downstairs. "Why is your basement door made out of metal?" And from there to inside, "Why are there chains on the wall?"
"Babe... I'm a werewolf, okay? Aaanndd... every full moon I turn into like four hundred pounds of bloodthirsty destruction." Thom did not get the reaction he expected to this confession.
"Well no fucking shit you do. Criminy, Thom... Does your wolfy self have anything to eat? Look at this place! There's no toys, no enrichment, nothing to do. At. All. I rescue dogs from places like this on the daily. You gotta be nicer to yourself, babe."
"Wait. What?"
"Okay. First things first - you're only bloodthirsty because wolfy you has just altered your entire body. Hair, bones, nails, organs. That's gotta drop your reserves to rock bottom. Second - any canid left alone in a bare room with literally nothing is going to destroy shit. That's because there's literally nothing else to do. Cripes." Gria took a deep, steadying breath. "Come on. You, me, and the credit card are going on a shopping spree. You need some decent frikkin stuff."
"But--"
"Don't 'but' me, mister. I've rehabilitated wolf-dogs." Gria seized Thom's wrist and dragged him back upstairs. "I've got bulk discounts at the Monster Pet Warehouse. We gotta go there. I know shortcuts." She ran though a list as she bullied him into the van. "You're gonna want a heat pad, one of those ravage-proof bed mats, some kongs for sure, pull-ropes, shake toys, a fountain for water, enough protein to sink a barge... Honey, you are going to love blue steaks in peanut sauce. I know a guy who does sweetner-free nut butters, they're all amazing."
"Why would I--?" Thom sputtered. He had to hang on because Gria always drove like a maniac.
"Xylitol, darling. It's poisonous to canids. Don't want to take the risk, you know."
Oh. Oh... "Okay. Uh. Can you not drive like you're trying to kill us?"
"Sorry, hon. I gotta get to the warehouse for a major shopping trip, though. Why did you wait until ten AM to tell me this? We might not have enough time."
"So this is going to be one of your epic shopping trips. Gotcha. Okay. I'll help with the heavy lifting."
"Babe, you're picking out this stuff. Including the meat."
"...gross..." Thom whined. "I'm vegetarian for the rest of the month, though..."
Gria quoted their favourite author. "I know, babe. It's becoming humanitarian for three nights that's the problem." She grinned as she pulled in close to the loading bay. "Don't worry, Thom-sweetie. You're going to have so much more than random street meat tonight."
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / karroooma]
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