A member of a race of aliens new to the Galactic scene holds the misconception that life can be either land bound or aquatic watches a human climb a steep hill specifically for the joy of jumping off the cliff on the other end into deep water. -- Anon Guest
[AN: I have a much more capable program doing the counting for me, so today's full challenge number is actually correct. I'm not going back and fixing the others because that is full-on nightmare fuel. Just... no. I tried, I failed, and now I have a thing that counts better than I ever could. Also expect further shenanigans at the closing of the year, as my count is off there, too. There will be bonus stories for this year's anthology. All so I can re-synchronise the calendar. (FYI, I'm out by at least four weeks)]
Companion Gann had heard things about Humans. Dangerous psychotic warrior race who didn't take "no you can't" as a warning that some things were bad for continued existence. Those weird hairless apes seemed to believe that they could do anything. Worse, most of the time they were right. There remained one sticking point upon which Gann remained adamant.
"There is no such thing as amphibious and mammalian intelligent life. Mammals are not amphibious. Amphibians are. You have aquatic mammals, or terrestrial mammals. Those are the limits of intelligent mammalian life. Even your lot can't defy the rules of basic evolution."
"So..." challenged Human Aura. "If I can prove to you that we're semi-acquatic, what do I win?" This was the way of Deathworlders in general and Humans in particular. Everything was a contest to these maniacs, and there had to be a prize involved. If Humans didn't win some form of enrichment to their existence, they could sulk about it for months[1].
Gann thought about it. "If you can demonstrate clear and undeniable evidence of a semi-aquatic existence, including evolutionary adaptions, then I must write a scientific paper for my homeworld's greater education and..." Gann trailed off.
Human Aura was making mock by flapping a hand like a puppet as Gann attempted to formulate a bargain.
"And," he added a glare at the Human. "I will sing the 'Diddle Daddle Dummins' song for your relatives on your next call home."
Human Aura showed a lot of teeth. This was a Deathworlder signal of glee. "Awright. Now we're talking. Throw in that ball-bearing clock you won't let me buy and it's on."
In retrospect, Companion Gann really should have been paying attention to how quickly Human Aura had added the ball-bearing clock. They had been trying to wheedle the addition of that noisy gizmo out of Gann for half a year. From Gann's perspective, a subjective eternity. Nevertheless, and with hindsight being twenty-twenty, Gann accepted the wager.
He was not prepared to see Aura immediately strip down to their Ships' Skins and run for, and then off, the cliff overlooking the ocean below. He would never forget the Human battle-cry as they descended into the waves below.
"YAAAAAAHHH-hih-hoh-hoo-wheeeeee!"
There was a splash. A long silence in which Gann engaged all safety protocols before crawling up to peek over the edge. And the vision of Human Aura swimming cheerfully about without any sign of detriment.
"Want an invite or what?" called Aura.
Gann raced down to where he could get a hover-skiff and piloted it most of the way to where Aura was... swimming. They stopped swimming as Gann pulled up to a halt. They did not sink.
"Behold. Neutrally buoyant body. Subcutaneous fat deposits to insulate the musculature from potentially dangerous chills. Note that the natural hair patches are also areas prone to rapid heat loss. With obvious exceptions where dexterity and grip take priority. Further note, the ability to voluntarily suspend breathing activity." Aura took a deep breath, and plunged themself under the surface.
They had to expend a lot of effort to stay under. Pushing at the water with hands and feet as they moved around under the surface for an implausible amount of time. Aura surfaced at last and dangled from the side of the hover-skiff. "Do you give up now or do you want to watch the swimming reflex in newborns?"
When Human Aura finally assembled that nightmare clock, it was going to be an auditory nightmare for Gann, and he knew it. But a deal was a deal and proof was proof. "That will not be necessary. I will allow you to pick one out in your favourite colours."
"Just to be nice, I'll put sound baffles in my quarters so you won't have to hear it," said Aura, hauling themself up on board.
"Thank you."
"...most of the time."
[1] It is at this point that your humble author must remind my dear readers that the Galactic Standard Month is forty days long.
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / aroas]
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