“I am part angel, demon, Treant, mermaid, kobold, dwarf, elf, dark elf, gnome, aarakocra, aasimar…
[Two Minutes Later] oh and I have an elder dragon soul.”
“By the stars what are you?”
“In all honesty I don’t know, but everything cancels each other out so, human?” -- Anon Guest
[AN: One of my lovely readers, DaniAndShali had these fun words to say about this prompt: "LOL Man, this one reminds me of this song!! Mis - Conceptions by Mercedes Lackey! 
Misspatch the Bard could, if pressed, use the abilities of most of her ancestry. There was an element of randomness to it, not skill. It also required knowing which ancestor had been what. Part Lizardfolk, part bird, part dinosaur, there were whispers of Phoenix and Dragon somewhere in the lineage, but... enough Bards and enough athleticism and it all kind of... cancelled out.
Explaining all this took some time and a rather bawdy song.
"If the ancestors share in my croon, it is a lovely boon," Misspatch finished up. "If my bloodline selects 'duck', then we're--"
"I get it, I get it," said the Hellkin who was hiring. "I did ask for Chaos powers, and those qualify. You would not believe how many sorcerers turned up."
"Why do you need Chaos powers?"
"We're heading into the Maelstrom to acquire The Moving Finger."
Misspatch was suddenly agog. "The one that writes the world?"
"And universes. Yes." A pointed and pointy smile from the Hellkin. "I need to make some rewrites."
It wouldn't work. It never worked. One could not redirect The Moving Finger of Creation Itself. Not if one wanted to live a full and happy life. Or a long one.
The assorted histories of failed expeditions, those who never returned, those who picked up curses... they all swirled through Misspatch's mind. The saddest ballads. The lessons that this being had evidently not learned.
The lessons that this being may have chosen to ignore.
They were doomed and Misspatch knew it.
"That's madness," said Misspatch. "The Maelstrom chews things up and spits them out different."
"I'm aware," said the Hellkin. "I've been in five times already." Another vicious smile. "You think I was always a devil?"
[Image by Zoran Borojevic on Unsplash]
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