The child keeps playing pranks on people despite being scolded. Then a very scary, but kind, individual helps them realize, that they can't keep doing that. -- Anon Guest
Don't pull on a horse's tail and act surprised when it kicks. Don't taunt a hungry dog and act surprised when it bites. But most especially, do not cross a Hellkin and act surprised when you get exactly what you deserve.
None of this entered Bili's head as they went into the markets looking for trouble to stir. "Accidentally" spilling baskets of eggs, cans of milk, or jars of honey was losing its thrill. Yanking kerchiefs from unguarded pokes was still a frightening prospect. Tripping up withered old things by tangling their canes or staves got a laugh. Taking toys from toddlers and making them jump for it was hilarious.
And of whenever they got someone angry, their automatic response was, "Can't you take a joke?[1]" And because some of Bili's friends were laughing, they got away with it. Until the Hellkin came through town.
One on their own is a sight to behold.
She was an odd shade of pale green, with hair the colour of seaweed. Her horns were more like antlers, with three prongs aiming to meet in the middle one day. She hung vines and flowers off them. If it wasn't for her height and her tail, folks might mistake her for a Faun.
Tor and Keem distracted her by sneaking under her table at the inn, there to pluck the hair out of her furry legs. Strand by strand. That gave Bili the perfect chance to sneak around with his small shears to cut the laces of her stays. Maybe her jubblies would fall out in front of everyone.
That would be a lot of fun.
Bili got close to the bows at her back as she leaned forward to talk to the two plucking her legs. Carefully. Quietly. They lifted up the knot and the bow and eased their shears close.
Snip!
Then her tail wound around him like a hungry viper. Tor and Keem shrieked, struggling out from under the table. Bili barely got a glimpse of green leaves scattering in their wake before the visiting Hellkin lifted Bili up by the back of their shirt.
It got hard to breathe.
"It's just a joke," Bili croaked. "Can't you take a joke?"
"Better," she said. "I can play one." She started chanting in a language from the deepest hells. Shadows played in the fingers of her free hand.
Nobody else in the inn was lifting a finger to intervene. That was what stuck with Bili. As well as the other thing.
The Hellkin wound up to strike.
Bili flinched.
There was a light tap on their forehead, and the Hellkin dropped them. Bili scrambled free, desperately concentrating on keeping their water inside their bladder. At least until they reached the safety of the gang hideout they shared with Keem and Tor.
Who were crying and scratching at reddened flesh. Until Bili approached and Tor screamed, "Two of 'em! There's two of 'em!"
Bili startled, looking behind themself. There was nobody there. "What are you talking about?" they asked. "It's just me."
Keem was trembling. "You should go home an' use yer mam's mirror."
"Sneak home," corrected Tor. "Don't let nobody see ya."
Bili was willing to put up with this level of prank. Made You Look was an oldie but a goodie. And because Mam was wont to whip them for coming home before meals, they would sneak in anyway.
There were lines Bili would never cross, and wrecking Mam's mirror was one of them. They crept into their own home like a thief, and found Mam's mirror in its special drawer.
They nearly dropped it.
Bili had horns! And red skin! And sharp, sharp fangs. They couldn't feel a tail, so maybe it had to grow in.
How much would that hurt?
They carefully put Mam's mirror back where it belonged and fled for the furthest hiding place they knew.
...oOo...
"What was that?" said the innkeep. "What'd you do to those rascals?"
"For the two under the table?" Greenbough sipped her small ale. "I made my restraining vines be poison oak. They can regret their choices until their mothers mix 'em up some Calamine or an oatmeal scrub. As for the little devil who clipped my stays? I put a True Seeming on 'em. They can walk in my hooves for a tenday and see how they like it."
Tiri, the little barmaid who usually put up with those three little terrors, had finished mending Greenbough's laces, good as new. "F'give me for sayin' so, m'm, but... that's neighbouring downright evil."
"It's neighbouring rough bloody justice, I reckon," said the innkeep. "Those little terrors were headed for a long stay in the gibbet if'n they kept going the way they were."
"To Bili the bloody nuisance," said the barfly, raising his tankard. "May they finally learn a fucking lesson!"
They could all drink to that.
[1] I abhor people who do this. Jokes are meant to be funny. Where everyone is laughing.
[Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash]
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