Life's most valuable lessons often come from the strangest places. -- Prompty.
Viscount Kormwind Arachis Felbourne Whitekeep, ninth of his name (aged seven), had been kept busy learning all the things a young Viscount needed to know. Dressage, Dancing, Diplomacy, Archery, Arts, Economics, it went on and on. He was allowed some hours free to spend in his own pursuits. Which, until he needed to replace some art supplies, Kormwind he had spent in the Dojo's library.
He carried his papers, of course, since he was technically a dignitary of a foreign nation. And he made sure four times that his coin purse was secured firmly to his belt. Clean and neat as a pin, he set out from the Dojo estate and into Wolklippenstadt proper.
Kormwind did not anticipate more trouble than his grasp on conversational Teutonian.
Trainee students in their red gi often came running out of the Dojo on various errands. Adepts in their smart black, sleeveless gi tended to stroll. Kormwind, unescorted and unsupervised, allowed himself to skip. Even if it was undignified for the gentry to behave in such a manner, he was still a child who wanted to bounce.
He didn't notice the local constabulary until one of their number laid a hand on his shoulder.
Kormwind took in the uniform, the scowl, and the red face of the man and chirped, "A very good day to you, Sir Watchman! May I please obtain directions to the most convenient purveyor of artistic supplies?"
"You takin' the piss?" the man growled.
Kormwind could barely understand him. "No, sir, I do not need the lavatory. I went before I set out. I do request and require directions to a purveyor of artistic supplies, please and thankyou."
"Who do you think you are, talking to me like that?"
"Please forgive me, I neglected to introduce myself." He took a deep breath and adopted the pose for recitation. "You have the honour of being in the presence of the Lord Viscount Kormwind Arachis Felbourne Whitekeep, ninth of the name. Trueborn and firstborn son of the Earl Valiant Stormwight Hallowfine Whitekeep and his Countess Consort Emmalaina Velvet Diamante Whitekeep nee Blazestone. Commander in Absentia of the Earl's forces, Deputy in Chief of the Earl's Justice, the Living Shame of Whitekeep, Darksworn on the Oathstone of the Carved Keep, Oathbound protector of the second heir and younger son, Honorary Master of Stables, Defender of the Innocent, and Voice of the Voiceless." A moment to pant a full recovery. "And I am very pleased to meet an honourable protector of this city's public." He held out a hand.
The officer put a cuff on it and dragged him to the Watchhaus. There, he was put in the temporary holding cell and a state of utter confusion.
Kormwind sat politely as he watched the officer fill out some paperwork and then vanish through a door. After that, there was nothing much to do but attempt to puzzle out what he may have said wrong in order to become arrested. Which, in his case, meant running through conjugations, greetings, recitations, and basic conversations.
Eliminating each fragment systematically.
He could not find the flaw in his half of the conversation. He could not work out where, when, or how he had earned the officer's irritation. He therefore resolved to ask when the officer returned.
Which took an hour, bringing with him a much thinner officer in a much fancier uniform, and a more splendid hat.
"There he is, sir. The miscreant in question. Wrote the little bastard up on a multiple, sir. Disturbing the peace, insulting an officer, making mockery of the law, impersonating a noble, loitering, and resisting arrest."
The older Human looked down at Kormwind, who stood and bowed. The fancier Watchman said, "A five-year-old child?"
Kormwind said, "Begging your pardon, sir, but I am seven. I understand the mistake, as my family are historically rather small until they reach their middle teens." He reached for his documentation, and started saying, Here's my documentation, sir.
The arresting officer flinched to draw his sword, and only stopped because the fancier one stopped him.
"It's a folio, Druempf. At ease."
"Under protest," Druempf mumbled, but he stood at ease with attitude.
Kormwind handed over his papers and said, "They must be returned, sir, or it's a diplomatic offense that may invoke international hostility."
"Sir," barked Dreumpf, "That's threatening the Captain of the Watch, Sir!"
"Shut up, Dreumpf," said the Captain. He took the leather folio with thanks, and inspected the contents. "Huh. Ormanish." He had to consult a thick book that had been on a shelf by the official desk. He mumbled there for half an hour before sighing, "Did you just arrest a Viscount because of his horns, Dreumpf? Or perhaps it was because he's a foreigner with horns?"
"Sir, I have an obligation and a duty to protect the innocent citizens of our fair town. The embodiment of spiritual pollution has to be cast out, as ordered by the precepts of Freja Herself."
"Freja," said the Captain, "the goddess of Hearth and Hospitality. Personally told you to eject people you don't like."
"It's in the old scriptures, sir. You know I'm loyal to the fundamentalist temple."
"Druempf you are to write a formal letter in Ormanish to the Earl of Whitekeep, asking for verification of this boy's papers. Then you will take the results to my person and read them out loud. I am going to escort the Viscount on his planned journeys today, to be certain he encounters no further incidents."
"Sir..."
"Atten-HUT! Dismissed!"
Growling, Druempf marched away.
The Captain sighed and unlocked the barred door, bowing Kormwind out with a, "My sincere apologies, your lordship. What were your original plans for today?"
"I was searching for a purveyor of artist paints before your fine officer interrupted my excursion, sir. It was meant to be a three-hour tour. Now I shall be late for Dressage."
"I will escort you back and make a full report regarding your delay, your lordship. And I need to introduce myself as Captain Pastinake before I warn you that Officer Emmerich Druemf is a hard-headed and persistent thief-taker. He will find a crime to fit even if he has to bash it into shape."
"I will keep that in mind and attempt to avoid him," planned Kormwind. "If it tests my patience, I shall study the local and realm-spanning laws."
"And I," vowed Captain Pastinake, "shall invest in headache remedies."
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