Today I was visiting with some of my super villain friends.
Lefty, Torchface, and Hammerfoot were all looking quite sharp in their new duds.
It seems that Hammerfoot finally got sponsored by an evil Corporation and his grant from Microsoft was able to afford him a little leeway in the wardrobe department.
He splurged and bought all of us little shiny black outfits with tiny hammers all over them.
Source: Giphy.com
My name is Complain-o and I the master of complaining.
"These outfits suck."
Everyone loves Complain-o.
Aside from complaining there isn't much else I can do. Maybe a little sarcasm on occasion.
Lefty is the master of using the left side of his body.
He can write left handed like a master.........and he is really good at making left turns.
Torchface is actually able to spit fire, which is great because we have a barbecue at his house every weekend.
Hammerfoot is a really bad driver. He always puts the pedal almost completely down to the metal. Every time we so much as even go to the grocery store it always involves a police chase because he insists on speeding.
He can also kick through cement walls.
Hammerfoot seemed very proud of his new lair.
It turned out that part of the surprise that he was going to present us with today wasn't just the shiny black outfits but also the keys to his new place.
He said we could all use it.
"Finally a new underground lair." I said "It'll be a piece of crap."
"Oh yeah......... about that. It's not underground." Hammerfoot casually mentioned.
"WTF?" I said in the most belittling way I could muster.
"How can you have an underground layer that's not underground?"
"Just wait till you see it." he told me.
We were all a bit disturbed when we walked in the front of the place. It was actually in a strip mall. There were large animatronic dolls everywhere.
It turned out Hammerfoot had bought an abandoned Chuck E. Cheese and made it his villainous lair.
"You screwball." I chuckled. "This ain't no lair."
It was terrible.
We were the laughing stock of the underground villian's association for the whole month of May.
I even had to get a second job working at Walmart in order to try to get a new place.
I'm going to try to rent a house with a swimming pool. I figure I can empty it out, cover the swimming pool, and turn that into an underground layer.
Chuck E. Cheese.
I don't know what the heck is wrong with Hammerfoot but he really needs to figure his life out.
If your lair isn't underground then you have no business being a super villain.