The last three weeks of the universe seemed to create the distance between me and him, I dissolved in the knowing too much until I realized we were so bad.
He was so far away and no longer clasped.
I figured this would happen, the last time I met a feeling so unfeeling for no reason, but I ignored it.
I was too busy falling in love so it was too special to translate so many of the usual signs. yes, when falling in love the slightest attention will feel so special.
I remember that night.
"I never intended to foil us", that's what you say. I still remember your gaze that night, grip your hand, I tried to believe even though I hesitate. Warm but out.
I never tired of loving you, even though I can never describe one by one of my reasons.
"How am I to you? At least from the outside sight or good bad? I do not think I'm a good person "
"I can not explain that. so lend me your many books, I need a lot of references to express it "
"Come on, what? I rarely want to ask this to someone else "
"Then why are you asking me this?"
"Because you are important to me"
He tightened his grip on my fingers. I was touched, because I never knew that that's what I meant to him.
Back home, as usual he drove me to the front of the alley. Long time he did not let go of my hand after kissing the back of his hand. not as usual too, he looked at me for so long, I still remember, very remember.
My breath collided with anxiety.
"What's up?" I asked.
"It's okay, just in case you can not meet again" smiling, as usual, questioned.
I just stared at him, always hopeful there will be next meeting.
Moments like this that I always hate, every one should see him turn and watch his back slowly away leaving me home. every one of these in my heart is almost always questioned, "Do not you know when will you get a chance like this?"
the time with him is too precious to me, because I always remember how long I waited for this opportunity and fully I realized I was not really worthy of this opportunity.
My days of trying to rebel logic, I tried to stay sane among the crazy state. busied himself to keep laughing, as if he was okay despite being disappointed.
"My problem is my problem. It is better to be solved on its own than to be spelled out for attention instead of "
That's what you said that night. After so many days without news and then just like that? do not know how to worry me?
I am angry, very angry with myself for not being able to promise a solution to your problems.
I think you need a simple me, who can only hear your sighs, who can only rub your back or conclude a smile on my face when you complain. Stupid me, you need someone more than that.
I think I can be someone you trust to divide your sorrows, I'm not so sure, I'm so small that you can not see how sincere I am devoted to my acceptance of you.
before long I let myself dissolve into the darkness of darkness, allowing myself to be torn apart by solitude without wanting to believe in love again.
until one day I met you so lonely, I came to you, a guest for your house hoping to enliven, you receive me well, treat the guests who come with good intentions.
but I'm sassy, I wish I could be the owner, more than just a guest who can come and go as he pleases. I want to keep it, the house I want to be the one to take care of it.
but apparently not, my hands are so stiff and my feet are so dusty, I'm afraid I'll scratch or contaminate the house you've been working on for so long.
So you have not let me go any further. my steps stop and I try to understand, you need the best guard for you to place as the owner.
Though I said I gave up, in fact I never really gave up, just sometimes I feel a little tired.
I'm still going to wait even though it will be very long for you to open the door completely, no matter what, I'll try to make myself better.
I'm sure one day there will be a day when you welcome me and invite me in as the best guest as well as the sole owner of the house, your heart ...
