Last night I dreamt Angela Merkel was fucking Donald Trump from behind with an oversized strap-on. The dildo was bright orange for some reason. Trump's hands were tied behind his back with a golden necktie. Angela was dressed in a plate of armour like Jean of Arc or a Wagnerian heroine and nothing below the waste to hinder her thrusting. There were also fish. Small live fish flopping around all over the place. They appeared to be coming out of Angela's mouth. Like she was coughing up dozens of live herring all over Donald Trump's backside.
Zoom out: The passionate couple were performing this act of love on the roof of a black G-Wagen, one of those massive boxy Mercedes SUVs. Then I noticed a strange thing: a hose went from the exhaust of car all the way to a gas mask that was attached to Donald Trump's face. The engine must have been running because fumes were billowing out of Trump's nostrils. A tiny green naked man the size of a Barbie was holding the gas mask to Trump's face. And having a jolly good chuckle about the whole thing. At point the little green man reached up and high-fived Angela Merkel.
Zoom out: the car is surrounded by about twenty people in white gowns and white hoods, like the ones they wear in Easter processions in Spain. They were pointing semi-automatic rifles at the couple. “Faster, faster, you pig,” screamed Angela, spitting a fish to the side.
For some reason I couldn't leave, I had to keep watching as if I was glued to the ground. You know how dreams are. After a perceived eternity, a hideous noise came out of Merkel's mouth, like the drowning of a hundred children. Her eyes rolled back into her head, she removed the orange dildo from Trump's rump. The thing became flaccid and small.
Time skipped ahead like a careless child on a summer day: Trump is wearing a giant T-shirt bearing the words #MeToo. He's obviously heavily pregnant. No wait, he's already in labour. No, wait, he's literally giving birth. On the roof of the car. Angela is yelling, “do it, baby, do it baby!” A head is coming out from between his legs. It's not a baby though, but a fully formed girl or young woman, wearing a hijab, with a massive smile on her face. Trump passes out, either from exhaustion of giving birth or from the horror of what has emerged from his womb. The girl takes Merkel's hand, they climb down from the car and walk off through the desert.