I followed him quietly wondering how I was going to face him after all I said to him. _What is he going to say? I hope I didn't annoy him with it? Is he mad at me? What's in his head right now? _All these questions kept me thinking till I reached the class corridor. "Hey sweetheart, look at me, don't be shy okay, I won't bite", _these words took away some of my shyness and I looked up at him mesmerized. He started talking but it took me some seconds to fully focus on his words. After asking about my well-being and how the weekend went, he stretched out his hands to hold my arms. "_I'm honoured to be the one who caught your attention amongst all the guys that flock around you but I've got to ask, what do you want to do about how you're feeling?", he said. "Any decision you make, I'll stand by it", he continued. I was stunned at his response. You’d agree with me that girls usually aren’t the ones to make the 1st move for different reasons especially fear of rejection. I wasn't expecting him to respond rudely but I wasn't expecting his reply either. I didn't even think about what I should do after telling him how I felt. I told him exactly the same thing and he was okay with it.
With time, we talked more often, he even agreed to see me everyday because I told him that I missed him a lot. I was happy with that until it was time to travel to our different homes during the break. I wasn't sure how to manage the separation. I decided to talk to him about it and I prayed to God to be able to handle it maturely. He said, _"I don't like going home because it takes me away from people I want to be with and things I want to do." _I felt sorry after hearing that statement, but he promised to make time for me as much as he could and that lifted me again. The distance tore me apart and the farther I stayed away from him, the more hurt I got. It wasn't his fault though, I just had a hard time controlling myself and my thoughts. What do I do? The thoughts of him clouded my mind. It was like he rented a space in my head and for everything I do or think about, a part of him always surfaces. _"I miss you Jay,"_ I keep repeating to him and to myself. It got so bad that I created Lavender.
Lavender’s birth came about in my attempt against losing my sanity from infrequent contact with Jay. Lavender isn't human, it's a name I gave the online space we share. I called it Lavender because I love flowers and my favourite colour is purple. It helped me a lot because it felt as though I could still communicate to him through Lavender. In a way, I felt more relaxed and comfortable talking to Lavender because it wasn't going to judge me or make faces, it wasn't going to ask questions and I wasn't going to hurt it by anything I say. Considering the fact that I didn’t know his intentions, this was my best bet of not making a fool of myself. It helped me communicate for a few days.
I totally forgot that Jay could also see the messages whenever he came online. On the fourth day, Jay was back online. Oh crap! He had seen everything I’ve been about, shameful and all the rest of them.
_Oh poor thing, you are so lovesick and unreasonable and now you’re _BUSTED!