If you weren't following before, you can read episode 1 here--> https://steemit.com/fiction/@one-person/my-twisted-fanboy-date-episode-1
episode 2 here--> https://steemit.com/fiction/@one-person/my-twisted-fanboy-date-episode-2
Southy heart robbery?
I hope not.
The week after that we were able to talk only once on phone, I kept getting "I'm busy" text messages. I went to her house twice, she wasn't in. She tried visiting me once, I wasn't around too.
Na wah.
Issokae
Meanwhile, one afternoon when I was less busy, I found Balo on Instagram.
Ghen ghen.
My Ayomide that is always busy was appearing on his page on a steady for the past two weeks that we had not been seeing.
Shey babe never comot my hand like this?
Fast forward.
My friend Poju came back from London.
I got a call one Wednesday afternoon from Tade that Poju was back in town and they were going to chill at the mall. I looked at my work schedule, I wasn't really doing anything that couldn't be postponed. I made the plan to pull an all nighter for the job.
Booked taxify.
Off to the mall.
Arrived there saw Poju with his newly potted belly "Omo you don chop life o, in fact you swallow globe whole."
Eventually Poju noticed something was wronged with my countenance and asked me what's up.
"Omo e be like say dem don use Southy money thief my babe"
I went on to show them the picture of Balo on his instagram page. Poju laughed hard.
"This one! I sabi am, e don run down tey tey"
"Huh?"
He then went on to tell me about how Balo was a one night baller with the habit of owing money to Nigerian hustlers in different countries and had only come back to Nigeria because he couldn't enter most of the countries he had previously resided due to various debts owed in different places.
But this guy is living large.
"Forget that thing, na wash."
"But guy, if na who your babe dey leave you go be this she dey miss road o"
Tade butted in.
" Iyawo southy"
I gave him a dirty look.
Seeing that I was really upset Poju decided that we should go and look for Balo.
He brought out his phone and dialled a number. "Bros where you dey, na Poju dey talk."
"Okay I dey come now."
Then he faced us.
"E get one of our guys for Jo'burg wey dey give us him house key to chill. Me sef don stay there before."
Taxify.
We took a trip to the house at Lekki Oxford.
On arrival, Poju made a call again.
"I dey gate."
About 15 seconds after, the gate opened. There was Balo. He seemed shocked to see me. I just wanted to bash his head right there and then. But common-sense prevailed.
"Balogun oshomo, how body now? " Poju asked.
"Oga mi, body weak o." He replied.
I low-key muttered "na that weakness go kill you. "
We all shook hands and went in.
Immediately we got inside I started looking around as if to find my Ayomide. Then I asked him where she was. Poju told me to calm down. The we discussed other stuff, mainly about how he had to flee from Cyprus due to his debt filled lifestyle and how he ended up in Nigeria.
Cool stuff.
We ended up talking about Ayomide again. Then told me she's not here. I asked him why he stole my girlfriend from me. He replied saying he wanted to but he didn't. I wanted to punch him right there and then.
"Oloshi leleyi ni"
But I hadn't seen her in two weeks and she appeared last on your Instagram story.
He then went on to tell me how he had tried many tactics to get in her pants, including promising her a new iPhone 7. Apparently she declined all his advances. He further stated that he hadn't even seen her in about a week.
I was confused.
"So she no sleep here?"
"No"
"Una no nack?"
"No"
"You dey tell me truth so?"
"Yes"
So why was she so distant. My head was swimming in a state of heightened confusion.
In the midst of my confusion he dropped another bombshell.
"The last time we talked she was saying something about a marriage."
I lost the feeling in my legs.
"Ma-gini?"
"Marriage"
At this point I was sweating eventhough the AC was on. Don't blame me, an ex had done it to me before, she broke up with me one weekend and I thought it was one of those break ups when she would call after two days to say she wants to get back together. Four days after I was still waiting. Na for weekend one of my guys see am for BBM status update say she dey marry for Ekiti state. I wanted to die.
Now again, something about marriage.
Kuku kee me
"Omo shey no be say na your destiny to dey prepare babes for marriage?" Tade said.
"God wan punish you? " I replied him.
They all volunteered to follow me to Ayomide's house on Saturday to greet them and use style to find out what exactly was going on.
We all stayed at my place for the next three nights. It so happened that Ayomide's phone number was unreachable from that wednesday night. The next two days were very unhappy ones for me.
Saturday 12pm.
Taxify.
On arrival at Ayomide's house, my worst fears were confirmed. Before we entered house sef canopy full everywhere. All these yam, goat and things that they use for bride price and all in yoruba land were present. I just wanted to see Ayomide and die in front of her.
My chest.
As we stood in the compound still observing the scenery with a lot of pain moving round my body, a car toyota vehicle came in adorned in decorations.
Again.
My chest.
Ayomide stepped out with a white man dressed in traditional marriage attires.
I saw stars, a flash of light, a penguin in a pear tree...
I lost balance.
Black.
The feeling of oblivion swept over me.
I woke up drenched. Ayomide's voice brought me back to reality.
"Baby wake up. Please"
I opened my eyes gradually. There was another "Ayomide" behind my Ayomide.
I closed my eyes again and opened it. My brain must be playing tricks on me.
"Mide, why are you in two places?" I asked in my confusion.
"Baby thats my twin sister, she's getting married"
"So you're not cheating on me"
"No dear, I would never"
She then went on to explain how the marriage had been rushed because her sister had gotten pregnant and they didn't want the pregnancy to show before the marriage and how she had misplaced her phone and couldn't reach me.
I stood up and apologized to her twin and get husband.
"sorry for causing a scene"
At this point Poju and Tade burst out laughing...