The Adventures of Elron Ahura!
Our tale begins in the future, many moons from today. Mars has been colonized! Titan of Saturn is also a colony; Jupiter’s moon Enceledus is a holiday resort destination and Pluto a research and development Laboratory. Several trading posts are located throughout the Solar System, from Neptune heading towards the outer reaches of the Oort cloud.
Earth is dead. Decimated from the A.I. Wars of the early 2000s. Only a handful of pocketed areas remain habitable. Yet, Earth is still considered prime real estate and the 139 year old clean up project is going well. Tacos, are also far more popular now than they have ever been before.
*Continuing storyline: Elron has just left the ER lobby for maintenance on his robot arm and now finds himself, with the munchies...
My cyborg arm is back in tip-top condition and I’m 44 Nexus gems richer, thanks to the Gang Nam Style CD LeVeon just bought. Admittingly, there are certain advantages to being a self employed, orbital salvage operator. I mean, the amount of trash that's circling Mars is beyond belief. You’d think we would’ve learned something after dumping Earth’s near orbit into a fucking wasteland of garbage... riddled with old satellites and burial coffins. Yet, there be treasure!
After 30 years of space burial, coffins orbiting around Mars become public salvage. The Wake the Dead protocol, charming name. It's how I came across the vintage K-Pop disc. The dearly departed was a Synthetic who decided to end his replicated existence for good; launched into near orbit buried with a few discs. Although, I did piss myself when opening the coffin. He requested to be buried with his eyes open, a beaming smile frozen across his face and a strand of Tom Cruise’s hair lodged between his ice-crystalled teeth. Methinks, LeVeon would pay a pretty penny for it.
“Beep-boop, Beep-boop. Reek! Beep-boop. Reeek!”
I gotta change the ring tone on my holo-com, it sounds like C3-PO getting raped by the Death Star. What does Crypto want?
“Hey buddy, whats up?”
“Rerro master, I see arm is better. You come rome now?”
“Na, not yet Crypto. I’m craving a cold beer and taco before heading back to the Orca. You need anything?”
“No master, not rearry. Just miss you.”
“You miss me? Haha, more like you don’t have any thumbs and can’t open the can of dog food you lil’ hustler.”
Crypto is my dog. I had a translator chip implanted into his brain stem when he was a few years old. I’m kind of a loner, so having man’s best friend around - and we can literally understand each other - is usually better company than most humans, or whatever. It’s strange, he’s still just a dog. I mean yea, we can communicate and stuff, but the only difference from other canines is he can talk. Other than that, just a normal dog. That's all there is to it.
Dolphins on the other hand, they almost took over the entire pacific ocean when we tried this on them in 2033! After that mess, the Empire decided only dogs and cats were allowed. The cats however, are also outfitted with a sleep mode. Some felines are just... too serious. Or outright batty.
“Pup, you’re gonna have to wait a few hours. I'm getting the new chilli, bacon, seaweed taco from Senor Billy’s Mexican.”
“I see. Call you I do. Say rerro and you ignore Crypto… me sad.”
“Get over it you drama queen. I know this is all a show. Your tail is wagging between your legs and your ears are still perked.”
“Damn it…” *click. He hung up on me.
Dogs. Best animals on and off planet, but about as sensitive as an emo who cant find anything black to wear. I read somewhere the origin of man and mutt began eons ago, when a wolf suspected rather than eating humans, if they became friends they’d get food for free. Patiently over the years, they crept closer to the campfires until finally us humans understood all they wanted was to be fed, and a belly rub too. Today if anyone was found guilty of eating one, it was death by a pack of vicious dogs fitted with speech implants. Morbidly interesting, from an ethological point of view.
It was cold tonight, during this time of year the martian winds flow directly from the poles and into the city. My balls are the size of peanuts. Didn't even bring my trench coat. Billy’s cantina is just around the corner. It’s gonna be nice to see Royce again.
I entered the smoky, neon flashed doorway and headed straight for the bar. The tables were full, as usual. These guys got the best fucking tacos in the entire galaxy, their reputation even reaches the Orion system, nothing beats it. Now, where can I find… there she is.
”Hey good looking, what’s cooking?”
“Hey Royce, how you doing kiddo?”
She’s so hot, with a cyborg eye. Got that sexy, cyber-punk aura about here. Long legs that stretch for miles, her smooth hair a deep, raven blue colour. Elegant, just stunning beauty. Royce could also beat anyone at a drinking game and knock your lights out in a second if you pissed her off. Guess that's the perks of having a father running the Yakuza in District Tron.
”Yea I'm ok. Hey! You finally got your arm fixed. I take it you managed to slang the K-Pop CD to the Synthetic?”
“Sure did. Was like taking candy from a baby.”
“Selling, Elron. In this case it’s, ‘selling’ candy to a baby.”
“Details, details. My pasty-patron transferred enough SteemBits to buy 45 bloody Nexus gems.”
“Holy shit! That's nuts. They really are hooked on those antiques. Well, you can pay your tab now mister. I can’t keep stalling Oberon on your debts you know? It’s been a few months already.”
“I know Royce, really appreciate it sweets. The things you do for me, luvs ya.”
Oberon was the owner of Billy’s Mexican. An annoying little twerp from the almost extinct Reptilian race of lizard-people that used to live deep underground on old Earth. Yup, it was all true. When the asteroid hit Earth during the age of dinosaurs, a bunch of lizards with somewhat of an intellect, escaped underground and evolved into what we know them as now. The Kardashians are their most famous tribe. Shape shifters. Reptilians can't change shape instantly though, it takes time. Can’t believe the humans from the 2000s didn't realize it. Every year they looked different. Not even omega level plastic surgery could have done the miracle transformation on their features so quickly.
”Ta-Da! The new chilli, bacon, seaweed taco you’ve been waiting for. It’s pretty good. The ingredient pods arrived yesterday and we got the blend of molecules just right.”
“Damn. That is good, so good! Gimme another please, wanna bring one back for Crypto. He’s a bit sensitive lately…”
”Awwww, Crypto. How’s he doing? I miss the little fur ball. You never bring him planet side anymore. What the hell does he do on your ship all day?”
“Whatcha mean what does he do? He keeps the ship safe of course! I got lots of nice junk on the Orca. He even asked for titanium teeth implants last month. So, we replaced his canines with razor sharp ones.”
… as I took my second bite from mister taco, a furious voice bellowed behind me, “ELRON AHURA! You thieving maggot! Where’s my money?!”
I *gulped and spat the taco out of my mouth, it splattered onto Royce’s boobs. Uh, oh… I know that voice. It’s Thrall, the Bookie. I lost a few bets on the races at the Crab Nebula and jumped ship before he could collect. Thrall was from Titan. A close associate of Royce’s father, so I wasn't gonna get any help from her. Especially since she knows I’m in the wrong here.
Thrall is a big boy at 8 feet, arms the size of tree trunks. He’s one of the most literate people I’ve come across and in general a pretty nice fella, when he’s not angry. He’s also addicted to HearthStone, hence the name Thrall. I better sort this out pronto.
“Heeey Thraaall! Buddy, pal, cuzzy bro! So nice to see you.”
”Is that so, Ahura? It is nice to 'see' me? Perhaps, you may reflect on our last commune. You left me in quite an egregious state of affairs. Care to explain yourself before I have your mechanical limb blighted into several pieces, again? Hmmm...”
Wow, he really likes the sound of his own voice. Snarl and Atlas were standing behind him, his guards. The former is a reptilian and latter an enhanced human. Snarl was an ass, but Atlas was alright. We’ve played a few games of Rocket Poker together.
“Thrall, no excuses my man. I thought the blue comet was gonna win the race. Obviously, it didn't. So instead of making an embarrassment out of you, and me, I decided to take off and sort you out afterwards.” although I knew very well this entire ordeal embarrassed the bloody blazes out of him.
”Hmph! You seem to be quite chipper. Are your coffers full? Did you manage to purloin from the dead again? Charon the Boatman, would not be pleased that you harbour disenchantment towards his noble duties of the underworld. Would you care to meet him, Ahura? I would be delighted, to arrange an introduction." his nostrils flaring, veins popping.
I’ve not seen him this angry, ever. Doesn't help that I skipped losing bets on him in the past, more than a handful of times. Snarl was reaching for his blaster, Atlas staring at me shaking his head looking concerned. It's a human thing I guess, we gotta stick together.
“Well Thrall, it's both our lucky day. I’m gonna pay you back, and with interest too” I reached into my pouch and pulled out 10 Nexus gems, “I believe this will cover my debt, and then some.”
”Indeed. Your coffers a ARE full. Show me the rest of your gems, Ahura.”
“Hold on, wait a minute that's not fair! This is triple what I owe you, at least.”
”Are you assuming my patience can be mastered? If you wish to depart this fine establishment in one piece, you will most certainly double the amount of gems in question. Then perhaps, I might permit you walk away... unbroken.”
Thrall crossed his gigantic arms across his bulbous chest and stared at me, with those deep, fiery red eyes. Ok then. If this is what he wants that's cool, would still have a hefty cache left on me anyway. I handed over the gems and Snarl immediately scrambled away to their speeder waiting outside. He's also the driver. On Thursdays he cleans the pool.
“BA-HA-HA-HA-HA! I do not tolerate imbeciles, Ahura, especially humans. However, you’re a notable case. If Royce and the honourable Mr. Togoku call you friend, then perhaps there may be revealed some orphic meaning to our association. An odd human, who may prove useful to me one day. Only time will tell. I bid you farewell.”
“Yea Thrall, no worries Pal. It was good to see you too. Catch you around the galaxy amigo. By the way, you just rhymed.”
Thrall stomped away laughing out loud. Atlas gave me a quick chuckle and followed his boss towards the strippers lounge. Those gals are gonna be popping champagne tonight, on my gems. I turned around to ask Royce for a cold beer, but she had already left. A half eaten taco is spread across the bar top and all over her firm and supple breasts. Great. Just great. It’s back to the Orca I guess… Crypto is hungry.
Part 3… to be continued in 7 days.
Welcome to the zany Adventures of Elron Ahura! A Space Opera series dedicated to the old Sci-Fi Dime novels of yesteryear! Tales inspired by the Golden Era during the 1930s - 1950s
Rockets, Adventure, Magic, Mayhem, Romance & Robots!
We at PulpWorx will deliver fast-paced, funny, explosive, original short stories every week. Join us for a few chuckles, as we head towards the Future & Beyond.
If you enjoy yaselves a little classic Sci-Fi action in life and if Spock is your lord and saviour, please follow us for some light reading during your alone time on the porcelein throne.
Because quite frankly, you're gonna need the rest of the day to sort out your busy live's. Mine was painfully boring... until I started writing this series for all you Beautiful Steemians out there!
You guys deserve a hug x
with thanks,
K. Palmero
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