Jane had never been able to just accept other’s suffering. Every time she had encountered someone who was in pain during her youth, emotionally or physically, she had tried to help. Naturally, the job of a nurse had been the next logical step.
After years of studying, she had finally earned her degree and was able to call herself an advanced practice registered nurse. She had access to everything she desired and believed that she was now capable of providing the maximal amount of help.
She was wrong.
The first few years were alright for Jane. She enjoyed caring for the patients, encouraging the families and even accompanying dying patients during their last moments. Jane was the hospital’s angel and everyone loved her. But year after year, Jane grew more frustrated with one certain fact: She wasn’t allowed to grant terminally ill patients euthanasia to stop their pain.
There were so many patients suffering silently and sometimes not so silently that could just not be cured. They were in pain, horrible pain and sometimes even begged Jane to just end it, once and for all. But she wasn’t allowed to. As much as she wanted to help, she couldn’t.
Until one day, when she decided that it was enough.
Jane knew, that there were certain chemicals that would kill a person quickly and barely left any trace. Some of them were available at the hospital, but not all could be accessed by her. In the end, she decided on using potassium chloride which, in high doses, could stop the heart.
It was the most humane way of ending someone’s life she could think of.
At first, she only helped those who asked her to die. There were many of them. A young woman who had been infected with HIV because of a lover who kept it a secret that he had been infected had been her first.
The woman had been unaware of the virus that was spreading in her body. Typically, HIV patients could lead a relatively normal life when being treated, at least recently. But the woman didn’t know what was happening and didn’t search out any help until it was too late.
When she finally arrived at a hospital, the third stage of the HIV infection was already advanced. Opportunistic infections attacked her body and her destroyed immune system wasn’t able to fight against them. Every day, she looked sicker and sicker. Every day, she complained to Jane about the pain she was in. She knew, that she didn’t have much longer to live.
Some patients used this knowledge to live the rest of their life to the fullest. They said goodbye to their families and friends, maybe finished a bucket list. But this woman? She didn’t have anybody. And she begged Jane to release her from her suffering.
One day, Jane gave in. At her next night shift, she stole a vial filled with potassium chloride and made her way to the woman’s room. With a syringe, she injected the solution into the IV and held the woman in her arms while she did her last breath, comforting her with soft words.
When it was over, she quickly left the room to avoid being caught.
The woman’s death was ruled “natural causes”. Jane had gotten away with it.
It didn’t take long until the nurse moved on to patients that were not able to ask for her help. Some were in a coma, some were so sick that they just couldn’t utter the words. But Jane was sure that she knew best who was suffering and who wasn’t.
When she encountered the young man with variant Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, she believed that she had found another poor soul she had to relieve from the burden of living.
The neurodegenerative disease had rendered the man unable to move and talk. Only his eyes conveyed the agony he was in, when Jane caringly stroked his hair.
”It will be over soon, my dear”, she whispered in his ear, as she injected the deadly solution. ”You won’t feel a thing. It’s alright. It’s alright.”
The more people were granted a premature death, the less inhibitions Jane felt. It was as if the hospital got lighter and the atmosphere got less depressing every time a patient in agony drew his last breath.
One night, Jane was sitting at an old woman’s bedside.
”You have led a long life, haven’t you”, Jane asked the woman, who woke up, startled by Jane’s voice.
”Who are you?” The woman asked.
”I am the one who will release you from this world by granting you the death you seek”, Jane explained with a soft smile. ”You will not have to suffer any longer.”
”But I am not suffering”, the woman said. ”I have family. They visit me every day. I know I am old and yes, I am in pain, but I enjoy every day I have left of my life. I don’t want to leave just yet.”
Jane frowned.
”That is not your decision.”
”It is not?”
”No, it is not. I know what is best for you. You are in pain and that pain has to end.”
”Please, don’t!” The old woman called out, when Jane injected her poison. *”Why are you doing this? You can’t decide who lives or dies! You can’t…”
The woman’s heart stopped and Jane left the room. How did that patient dare defy her? Didn’t she see that Jane was merciful? That death was the better alternative?
This was her hospital and she was the once who decided who lived or died.
Sources:
What is an “Angel of Mercy/Death”?
Variant Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease
Progression of HIV/Aids
Detectability of Death by Potassium Chloride
Euthanasia laws around the world
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