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”MOOM! Celine took my space suit again!”
”Just take hers then, sweetie! You’re wearing the same size.”
”But mom! Hers is ugly! She’s not taking care of it, and when it’s dirty, she takes mine! It’s not fair!”
”Alice, put on that space suit and get ready to take the shuttle to school. No complaining.” Jeanne watched as her daughter followed the order while proceeding to complain. Those two could just never get along. Maybe it had been a mistake to have kids just one year apart in age? But there had only been a limited time frame available to her to have children. The radiation out here on the space station belt took its toll, and while the effects on her normal cells could be kept in check, egg and sperm cells could still not be adequately protected. It had been a tough decision: two kids very close to each other, just one or none at all.
The airlock hissed, and Alice was gone. It was now time for Jeanne to get ready too. She packed all the things she needed in her bag, all the medical equipment. Medicine had been her passion since early childhood, but she had never dared to dream that one day, she’d practice it in space. And now, she was the chief doctor for the whole belt.
It had only been about 30 years since the project had been started, a group of space stations in the orbit of Mars, connected to each other regarding communication and economy. Shuttles served as a way to travel back and forth.
There were settlers on Mars too, but the terraforming didn’t go as well as planned. Storms frequently ruined the progress of months or even years. New problems appeared daily. And to the surprise of everyone, life on the space stations was much easier, as it was an environment that could be controlled a lot better. Jeanne had given birth to both her daughters up here, and she was glad that she hadn’t been forced to do it on the ground. She remembered the sandstorm she had watched devastate one of the smaller settlements, hours after Claire had been born. If she had been down there …
Her first stop was, funny enough, a couple trying to conceive. Fertility issues weren’t rare in the belt, and most couples just chose in vitro fertilization to make things easier. But some still insisted on doing it “the natural” way. Jeanne couldn’t understand why, but it was not her place to judge. Everyone should choose for themselves if possible, at least in her eyes.
”Hey Marie, hey George, how are you two doing today?”
”Not good, Jeanne, not good”, Marie said, and her look dropped to the floor. ”I don’t think we can keep doing this. It just doesn’t work … maybe we shouldn’t have kids at all. Maybe it’s not just meant to be. Maybe …”
”Shush! Where do these thoughts come from?” Jeanne asked. ”Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it will never work. And you still have the option to try it the other way, if you really have the desire for a child!”
”The desire … that sounds so selfish.” Marie looked and George and tears started forming in her eyes. ”Do we have the desire to have a child? Is it just something we want for us? To feel better about ourselves?”
Jeanne felt awkward. She didn’t have the appropriate training for this, psychology classes had never been her thing. It was difficult for her to understand the issue Marie was facing. What was so wrong about choosing to have children to make yourself happy? Not everything had to have a higher, noble goal.
”I would like to draw your blood, Marie. To check one more time if there’s something we could improve. Would that be okay?”
”Yes .. yes, of course.” Marie sat down on the couch and placed her arm on the armrest, to allow Jeanne to draw blood. The test was quick, just apply some of the blood to the sensor of her analyzer and …
”Marie”, Jeanne said with a smile. ”I think you can stop worrying now.”
”Why? Is something wrong?”
”On the contrary, you’re pregnant.”
Jeanne had left the happy couple so they could have their tearful celebration. She was delighted for them and was looking forward to the child she would deliver soon. While pregnancy itself tended to be difficult to achieve, pregnancy and birth were usually uneventful and without complication these days. One of the perks of technological advance.
But still, something inside her hurt, after seeing Marie and George so happy. She missed that. She missed having a partner around. But Elliott was dead and would never return. Ever.
It had been a faulty shuttle that had caused Elliott’s death. Something in the engine, Jeanne still didn’t know what it had been precisely, had had a malfunction. As a result, the shuttle had exploded shortly after leaving one of the stations.
The worst thing for Jeanne hadn’t been seeing the explosion. The worst thing hadn’t been having to watch the already charred remains of Elliott be burned to ashes and shot into space. It hadn’t been the cries and tears of her daughters who lost a parent.
The worst thing had been the fact that Elliott had left after a fight with Jeanne. And she would never get a chance to reconcile.
In the evening, Jeanne returned to her home, just to see her daughters sitting at the kitchen table, their spacesuits in front of them.
”What are you doing?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.
”I ripped a hole in Alice’s suit”, Claire said while her face turned red. ”It was an accident! But it made me feel bad, and now she’s showing me how to fix it. And how to take better care of my suit.”
”So you’ll stop using mine”, Alice added, and Jeanne laughed.
As much as her daughters fought with, they’d always make up again. She hoped that they would stick to this habit, not just with each other.
Then maybe, they wouldn’t have to feel as much guilt as she felt about Elliott.
and 
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