What do you do when you know you are always going to love someone more than they love you?
It's not like they aren't trying or that they don't care. They do. But just a little less than you do. It always falls a little short because you rise up higher to the occasion than they ever could. Because you cross bridges and run through hell before they finish talking about it but they wait for you to tell them to do something. Because love and care they do but it just feels forced sometimes. What do you do then?
I loved you, you know. I loved you more than anything else. For me, you were like the last remaining oxygen on the planet and here I was, deprived of being able to breath for ages. So naturally, I held you close and did everything I could without a second thought because what mattered most was keeping you in my life. Nothing else even came close.
But for you, I was like the favorite toy a kid has- The one he always carries around refusing to give up. But just as sometimes it happens, kids get distracted and you did too leaving me in the puddle. You always came back with genuine regret in your eyes and dusted off my bruises, but God I wish you hadn't created them in the first place. I wish you'd understood just for once, that I may be just a temporary high for you but you were my whole reason for existence.
Tell me, what should I do when I can't live without you and can't stop caring? When I can see the hurt in your eyes of not being able to stand up to me? Letting go isn't an option. Holding on hurts. But what can one do when there's certain death both ways? I think I understand now what Augustus Waters meant when he said it would be a privilege to have his heart broken by Hazel.
So Vivian, it would be my privilege too, to have my heart broken by you. It was no one else's to break anyway.