The Popular Depression is a book I wrote in my first year of college.
It was inspired by a cigarette pack on a coffee table that I noticed at a house party.
My eyes were drawn to the Health Canada warning on the box of cigarettes.
I think the statistic about tobacco-related deaths was supposed to be the scary one. But, for some reason, I was more alarmed by the fact more people died by killing themselves than by getting into car accidents.
I never did anything with the book I wrote. Looking back, some of the amateurish writing makes me cringe. But, the concept behind The Popular Depression is an important theme for us to think about.
Here is the twenty-sixth chapter from The Popular Depression.
Chapter 26
Sitting at the dinner table Liberty reaches over and holds Ethan’s hand. The two have only been dating for three weeks; however, somehow it seems like they never broke up.
Ethan opens the front door to his house. He hears the TV playing in the living room. He starts to walk toward the sound. There, sitting on the couch facing the TV, are his mother and little sister. Looking at the back of their heads he wonders what their reaction will be. Liberty told him earlier in the evening that his mom would be happy to see him, not angry. Ethan found Liberty’s opinion hard to believe, but then again, he would’ve never imagined the way she reacted upon seeing him. Finally, after a few seconds of standing in silence, Ethan says, “Hi.”
Diane and Cindy swing their heads towards him. Their faces light up.
“Ethan!” Cindy exclaims as she runs over and gives him a hug, even tighter than Liberty’s. “I’ve missed you so much!”
“I’ve missed you too, Cindy!” Ethan says back.
He then looks at his mother who walks toward him, a big smile on her face.
“Mom I’m so sor—”
Ethan’s words are cut off when Diane embraces him and says,“I love you, son.”
He begins to cry.
“We’re going to get through this Ethan… it’s not going to be easy… but we’re definitely going to get through it.”
Ethan nods his head and apologizes to his mother and sister. He tells them how sorry he is for bringing such a horrible drug into the home. He apologizes for the way that he acted, and he tells Cindy that he’s going to start spending a lot more time with her. Diane makes Ethan a meal and he tells her everything… even the real reason why he and Liberty broke up. Diane listens, and comforts her son. After the meal, the three watch TV and then get ready for bed. As Ethan walks down the hall, Cindy shouts something to him from the living room.
“What’s that Cindy?” Ethan asks.
“I said thanks for the Christmas present,” Cindy repeats slightly louder, “It was exactly what I wanted.”
Ethan is confused. He looks at his mother who smiles and winks.
Ethan’s heart melts.
“You’re welcome, Cindy. I'm glad you liked it.”
“Thanks again for letting me come over for dinner,” Liberty says.
“Believe or not, Lib, I kind of like you,” Diane says, giving her son’s girlfriend a wink.
“Believe it or not, so do I,” Cindy adds, smiling at Liberty.
All eyes go to Ethan.
“Oh OK fine, so do I,” Ethan concedes, rolling his eyes.
Liberty bats her eyelashes and, in a dramatic and goofy voice, says," too kind... you're all too kind."
Ethan knocks on the door of his temporary residence. No response. Ethan knocks again. Finally after a minute and a half, Vincent opens the door.
“Dude you don’t have to knock, you have a key,” Vincent says, standing in the doorway. “And where were you last night? I mean, I don’t really care, but it was kind of sketchy that you just left and didn’t come back.”
Ethan stares at his soon-to-be-former roommate. Vincent looks like he just got off of work. By the way Vincent slightly trembles, Ethan predicts that he is either craving coke or that he just took a big hit of it.
“Actually, Vince, I’m here to get my things,” Ethan says. “I really appreciate you letting me crash here and all, but I ran into Liberty last night, and she actually forgave me. She convinced me to go and talk to my mom, so I did… and she forgave me too. I really want to change, Vince… I need to turn my life around.”
Vincent stares at Ethan, trying to read him. Then, somewhat randomly, begins laughing uncontrollably.
“Little man Tate… you’re so full of shit. You had me there bro… just quit your lame jokes and come inside and snort some coke with me.”
Ethan decides that the earlier tremble was due to a craving.
“Vince,” Ethan says, straight-faced. “I’m serious dude… I’m moving back home.”
Vincent looks down. Then finally, “I see.”
“But listen man… it’s not too late for you. We could both quit together… we’ll get our lives back on track.”
“You don’t understand, do you man?” Vincent asks. “This is more than something I do for a kick every now and then Ethan. I make more money dealing cocaine than I do at my regular job. This is my life."
“But Vince… this habit is going to ruin your life. You may have been involved with cocaine for longer than I have, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still quit. Compared to most cocaine addicts, you’re a rookie. Get out while you still can, dude… we both need to do this.”
“So what… you think everything is going to be peachy now Ethan? It’s not. Of course your mom is nice now, because you are telling her that you’re going to quit. But what happens when those cravings start kicking in, Ethan? What is she going to say when she catches you sniffing coke on your kitchen table? She’s going to kick you out again without hesitation. And guess what my friend, next time that happens, this door won’t be open for you anymore.”
Ethan considers this. He begins to question himself. He wonders if he is strong enough to drop this habit cold-turkey. He is curious unto whether or not he will be able to still function without cocaine in his system.
“Listen to me,” Vincent says, with a soft voice. “Stay here… it’s not that bad. I know you’re getting low on money, but I can get you a job. We’ll keep living the way that we want, without any rules. You’ve got to understand that I’m the one that cares about you… I understand you… not them.”
Ethan stands still for a moment. Vincent looks at him with convincing eyes. Finally, Ethan moves past Vincent, grabs his duffel bag, then on the way out says, “If you really cared, then you would have convinced me to go home months ago.”
Cindy gets up, brings her plate to the sink, and says, “Thanks for dinner mom.”
“You’re welcome, sweetheart,” Diane replies as she gets up and begins to clear the table.
Liberty helps.
Ethan keeps eating his pizza.
“We should watch a movie after supper,” Diane suggests.
“Almost Famous,” says Ethan with a mouth-full.
“Is that suitable for Cindy?” Diane asks.
“A few swears,” Liberty informs. “But don’t worry… I’ll be sure to fast-forward through Kate Hudson’s brief topless scene. Believe it or not I don’t really want my boyfriend seeing that either.”
“Already seen it,” Ethan boasts.
Liberty rolls her eyes.
“OK, I guess Cindy can watch it,” Diane concedes.
“Wake up hun, you don’t want to be late for school.”
Ethan wipes the sleep out of his eyes. Today he goes back to CCH for the first time in nearly a month.
“Come on, sweetie… get out of bed… put those feet on the floor,” Diane insists.
“OK mom I’m up,” Ethan says to get his mother out of her cheery mood.
Diane let Ethan take yesterday off, but she has no intent in letting him stay home today as well.
Ethan rolls right off of his bed and onto the floor. Lying there, he says, “OK mom, my feet are on the floor, you can go away now.”
“Very funny,” Diane says. “You’re not getting out of this one though.”
Ethan stands up and walks toward the bathroom for a shower.
The morning routine seems somewhat unfamiliar. Showering was a rarity for Ethan while he was staying at Vincent’s; breakfast was even less likely.
After Ethan gets ready, he drives off to school.
Once inside the familiar hallways, Ethan begins to think that the day might not be so bad. A couple seconds later, Ethan hears someone say, “Didn’t Tate get kicked out of his house?”
So much for having a good day, Ethan thinks.
“Yeah, I heard the kid got hooked on cocaine,” someone else says. “I think that’s part of the reason that he got kicked off the basketball team too.”
“I’m right here!” Ethan feels like yelling out… but doesn’t.
“So do you remember Vincent Young? Well I guess Ethan is living with him nowadays, and the two are sleeping with each other.”
OK that’s just completely untrue, Ethan thinks to himself.
Ethan can’t stand the rumours and he wants to be anywhere else in the world right now. All of a sudden, something comes over him. A desire so fierce, it causes him to quake. He needs cocaine. He absolutely needs it. Ethan shakes his head. He tells himself he can’t be thinking this. He knows that a lot of people trust him right now, and he can’t screw it up. But the lure is strong.
“Hey Ethan, do you want to eat lunch together today?”
Ethan looks over and smiles at his ex-girlfriend, who he so badly wishes he was still dating.
“Sure Lib… I’ll meet you at your locker alright?”
Liberty smiles and walks off.
Somehow, Ethan doesn’t care about cocaine anymore.
“I love this part,” Ethan says to Liberty.
“Shh,” she says back, pointing at Ethan’s little sister who has fallen asleep.
“I like it too,” Liberty says in a whisper.
They watch the screen as Stillwater and the BandAids ride in the bus, singing along to Tiny Dancer by Elton John.
Diane is beginning to fade as well, and she notices that Cindy has fallen asleep.
“I’m going to put Cindy to bed, and then I’m going to bed as well,” Diane says.
Diane wakes Cindy up temporarily, and then leads her down to her room.
Ethan puts his arm around Liberty, she leans in, and the two watch the rest of the Cameron Crowe film.
“Ethan what are you doing here?” Liberty asks, opening her front door. “I thought that you were busy doing homework tonight.”
“I had to take a study break,” Ethan says.
Liberty stares at him and then says, “Oh, so just because you’re the only one in history to ever ace an English assignment, you think you can just skip out on the studying?”
Ethan laughs.
“Would you like to come in?”
“Actually Liberty, there’s just something I have to tell you,” Ethan says without hesitation. “I need you. I could use every cheesy cliché in the book, but the simple fact is that I need you. You made my life complete last year, Liberty. Our relationship was so pure, so healthy, and I chose to ruin it. I made the biggest mistake that anyone could ever make. I hurt you Liberty… I truly damaged what we had. I had you and I pushed you away. Without you, I became a wreck. I started having sex with girls who I didn’t love, and I started getting into drugs. Everything about my life started to spiral downward. I hated things and people I once loved. I even hated myself. Then… on the night when I was more broken than I ever have been… you came back into my life and you fixed me. Liberty… I would still be a wreck if it weren’t for you. You are helping me get off of an addiction that ruins most people’s lives. Over the last few weeks you’ve been like a best friend to me… never bringing up anything about the past… never judging… never worrying about anything in the future. The last few nights I’ve got down on my knees and thanked God for how great of a gift he gave me. But the more I spend time with you Liberty, the more I wish that you and I were together again."
Liberty looks into Ethan’s eyes. Listening intently to his unexpected words, she sees that the real Ethan is back. She’s seen this boy come such a long way in the past couple weeks… and she knows that he will continue to grow.
After a short moment of silence, Liberty grabs both of Ethan’s hands with hers. Looking down at their hands briefly, then looking back up at Ethan’s eyes, Liberty softly says, “I need you, too.”
The movie ends and Ethan looks down at Liberty.
“Ah, so good,” Liberty says looking back up at him. “Good pick, babe.”
Ethan looks into Liberty’s eyes, and then moves in slowly. His lips touch hers, and they partake in a gentle kiss. The kiss is the first one that the two have had in their second attempt at a relationship. The long awaited display of affection seems momentarily perfect. Ethan pulls back and looks at Liberty, whose green eyes seem to smile. Ethan moves in again and the two continue to kiss. Ethan is overcome with a sense of love and he puts his hand on Liberty’s cheek and the kissing starts to become slightly faster. It slows down when Liberty pulls away.
“What’s wrong, hun?” Ethan asks, looking at his girlfriend.
Liberty looks slightly concerned.
“It’s just… I really have fallen hard for you Ethan, and I don’t want to rush anything this time around.”
Ethan looks at Liberty, who is still looking right back at him.
“I know Lib, but it was just a kiss.”
Liberty looks down briefly… searching for the right words.
“I guess I just don’t want to end up doing something that I’ll regret.”
Ethan is confused to what she means by this.
“So, are you saying that you’d regret kissing me?” Ethan asks, testing.
Liberty frowns and looks at her boyfriend.
“You’re putting words in my mouth Ethan… you and I both know that’s not what I meant.”
Ethan decides that his comment was perhaps somewhat out of line.
“I know,” Ethan admits. “But what exactly did you mean?”
“I just meant that… kissing leads to other things. Our relationship took a turn for the worse when we decided to have sex the first time, and considering everything you've been through recently… I just don’t want anything to wreck what we have now, because I wouldn’t be able to handle that.”
“I know, Liberty, and I totally agree. But it almost seems like you don’t trust me to stop when things get intense. Don’t you trust me?” Ethan asks.
“Well Ethan… you don’t exactly have a history of trustworthiness.”
Liberty stops, instantly regretting her choice of words. She got worked up in trying to defend herself; she truly didn’t mean to imply that she didn’t trust her boyfriend. The truth is… Liberty doesn’t trust herself to stop. She cares for Ethan with such an intense love… she fears that if she was put in a situation, the temptation to sleep with Ethan would be very strong. She looks at her boyfriend, whose face tells the story.
“I’m sorry Ethan, I didn’t mean to say that,” Liberty says.
Very quietly, Ethan replies, “You should leave.”
“But Ethan, I truly didn’t mea—”
It’s too late… Ethan gets up from the couch. His face is pale, and he looks as though he just heard the worst news of his life. Ethan thought that things were back to the way they used to be. He assumed that he had Liberty’s trust. All that mattered to Ethan was that he had Liberty’s trust. Things aren’t what they used to be. Ethan can sense everything slipping away. His life… that he thought was perfect again… is far from it. Ethan becomes scared and he dreads the future… he wants to stop trying, because for him, trying means failing. He sees clearly now that he is the charity case. He is causing problems for everyone he loves..
He walks down the hall and leaves Liberty sitting alone on the couch.
Liberty begins to cry. She wonders if there’s anything to say to Ethan; she wonders if there’s anything she can do to convince him that she didn’t mean what she said. She decides that time will heal the pain. She gets up, walks to the front door, and looks back one more time before deciding that she will let Ethan sleep on this before she explains things to him the next morning.
Previous Chapters:
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25