In grade 7, 1994 Kurt Cobain Died. In grade 9, 1996, Tupac Died. Junior high was hard for me. I got bullied allot and I had anxiety attacks. I remember all the jackets and jerseys people wore. Allot of times you would get jumped if you had a nice jacket. You had to pay the trolls even though you would still be called names.
Teachers frantic, walking down the hall with my hands straight at my side staring straight down! It's when I first got into undergroundish kinda musics. Rap, punk rock, goth and industrial! Help with the strain and the joke school system. Now all these years later I'm getting into some underground sounds again. The industrial thing. Ministry is coming out with a new album, Marilyn Manson is coming out with a new album, The Outlawz from 2pac are releasing new stuff. They even played in Dortmunder Germany! Sweet! I drink dabs! Dortmunder beer!
Grew up poor in those times. Lived in so much strain. That's why I look forward to the 2pac movie, to remember the angst and intelligence. I came along all these years. Now I'm tripping hard remembering the person I was in junior high and who I am now and know I still have kept true to my dreams. Trippy deep dreams!!
I'm taking all that energy and wonder from the past and I'm using it today!! Breaking out of the cocoon. I used to feel smaller and not so sure of myself in ways. I've still been down in the grind to this day, yet I feel some new breakthrough confidences!! I wanted to feel a part of something. To be social and all of that. Yet I was the one who was never able to be assimilated! I never joined a group through fear and intimidation. I'm against hazing rituals. I had to defend against that allot when I was young.
I was frantic I was panicked! I had so much locked up energy and did not know where to put it. I still know I must channel it into music and creativity. Not worry so much - save my fretting for guitar. I went through the trials. I did my time!! Now it's time to gauntlet the gauntlet back! I didn't like how I was treated when I was young. I got treated like just a kid! I'm not a kid!! I'm a person that's a kid!
I wanted to rock out more with pals back then but I was a loner. I had a few friends though! Now I want to embrace that spirit again. When I came back to the junior high where I got bullied I threw a music show there!! That was in 1998! It was the most wicked experience! I had soo much energy and the music band teacher says I was the best band he saw come through the school in his years of being there. The band is called Massesect.
