No! it is actually not what you think and am not responsible for your assumption, everyone is entitled to his or her opinion same way you should learn to take responsibility of your actions... These were my words to a long time friend that crossed the line Big time.
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Offenders see forgiveness in the wrong perspective, once they apologize and you say you forgive them they overestimate forgiveness and expect what forgiveness does not Necessarily mean.
Forgiveness is the only healthy response to an apology, it presupposes that the wrong has been committed. Irritations do not call for forgiveness but for negotiation. However when one person speaks or behave unkindly to the other, it calls for an apology and forgiveness if the relationship is to be restored. Forgiveness heals and frees the offended from hurt, its total liberty from darkness and pain, give forgiveness a trial today.
There has been a little said about what forgiveness is to make you see why it is important to forgive but lets see what forgiveness isn't as well.
What Forgiveness isn't.
Forgiveness does not automatically rebuilds trust.
A husband who had been sexually unfaithful to his wife latter broke off the affair and appologized to his wife. The wife said 'I think i have forgiven him,but i don't trust him'.
The fact is, forgiveness does not automatically restore trust.
Trust is that gut-level confidence that someone is a person of Integrity. When you do not keep your commitment to me, i lose trust in you. I no longer have the confidence you will treat me fairly and honestly.
How then is trust rebuilt? Over a period of time if i see you are doing what you say you will do and being open and aboveboard in all our dealings, i come to trust you again. Believe the best of people around you but test them before you trust them.
You will be responsible for your multiple hurts by the same unfaithful individual that you decide to trust blindly.
Forgiveness does not remove all the consequences of wrong doings.
A mother has saved money for surgery. Her son steals it and spend it on drugs, she can forgive him but the money is still gone.
A father abandons his wife and children. Twenty years latter, he comes back to apologize. They can forgive him but it does not restore the twenty lost years or the deficiencies in those children due to the fact that he was absent.
The husband in anger physically abuses his wife, breaking her jaw. He may sincerly appologize and she may forgive him but her jaw is still broken.
All our behaviors has consequences. Positive behaviours has positive consequences also as negative behavior does. Forgiveness does not remove all the consequences of wrong doing so it is wisdom for the offender to accept the consequences of their actions and strive to improve the situation by taking total responsibility of the new development.
Forgiveness does not always result in reconciliation.
The fact i forgive you genuinely does not mean things should continue between us as it used to be. forgiveness in this case does not necessarily mean you asked for it but its expedient that i forgive mainly because of myself.
The word reconciliation means 'to bring back to harmony'. Reconciliation requires working through differences, finding new ways of doing things, solving the conflicts of the past, and learning how to work together as a team.
Before you digest all this definitions about reconciliation kindly note you are not under pressure to walk back to those relationships that keeps hurting you under the influence of forgiveness, like i stated earlier 'Forgiveness is the only health response to apology (that is if the offender apologize) or to hurt but it doesn't necessarily mean you should accept them into your life, you already let go but you can't continue with them. If you still believe or see something great in that relationship then you can still choose to stay based on your personal convictions.
Lastly Forgiveness does not destroy our memory.
I have sometimes heard people say, 'If you have not forgotten you have not forgiven'. That statement is untrue. The human brain records every experience, good and bad, pleasant and unpleasant. Psychologist have explained the human mind as having two compartments. One is called the Conscious mind, and the other is called the Subconscious mind.
The consiuos mind is composed of those things you are consious of at the moment. For example, I am fully aware that at this moment I am sitting on the bed. The subconcious mind houses the past experience that are stored in mental files.
Some data flows freely from the subconscious to the conscious mind. At a given time, we choose to bring data from the subconscious to the conscious.
Other experiences are buried deep in the subconscious are are difficult to retrieve even with effort. On the other hand memory leaps from the subconscious tot the conscious without being requested. This is often true of hurtful memories. Even after you have chosen to pardon their behavior and remove the barrier.
How do we handle these painful memories?
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My suggestion is you take them to God and tell Him what you're feeling and also that you need help. You will be surprised how fast God answers.
Steemians let me know your views on this write up in the comment section, am looking forward to it. Hope this write up is Value for your time?.