Credit Brian Rea
On the corner of my lawyer’s desk was a red button marked “No.” It was the type you might find in a display of gag gifts, next to the Whoopee cushions and boxing nun action figures.
My 18-month-old son, Jamie, was on my lap, fussing and squirming with enough force that I was struggling to remain upright. As my lawyer talked about the prenuptial agreement my fiancé’s lawyer had drawn up, that “No” button became my focal point, as if it were warning me not to sign.
I was 42, as was my fiancé, Matt. We had been together for six years. The first two were long-distance, with him in Mountain View, Calif., and me in Portland, Ore., where I was caring for my terminally ill mother. Until, at her urging, I moved south to join Matt. A few years later, we had Jamie.
I wanted to get married then, but Matt held back. Marriage scared him more than having a child together, and a big part of his fear was financial. He did eventually propose, beautifully so, but as we got further in our wedding planning, he said he wanted us to sign a prenup.
I cringed but ultimately agreed, believing it was the only way forward.
He said he would pay all of the lawyers’ fees and make it as easy as possible. It sounded simple. The reality, however — especially having to confess every detail of my sketchy financial history to this lawyer — was nothing short of awful.
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Modern Love
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Recent Comments
Liz V October 21, 2017
Matrimonial lawyers know that most marriages with prenups don't last. You can't govern a marriage by contract. But they'll never tell you...
Sandra October 20, 2017
Pre-nups can be used to control the less affluent partner--most often the,woman. h.psychologytoday...
Madeline October 20, 2017
I'd love to know who picked up the check for breakfast at the end.
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