Put it other way round, you finding them controlling is you being controlling because you want them to act differently and not controlling. They obviously need to fulfill your expectations and act differently.

The difference is timing. Offence followed by defence. Abuse followed by self-protection.

I work for a group of alcoholic managers that are terrified someone will “find out” that they are incompetent alcoholics. Like the entire office isn’t aware?

They threaten, then deny they said anything. They Gaslight employees in this manner to show the employee as incompetent/lacking understanding.

Once labeled an incompetent troublemaker they will give you unfavorable references to keep you serving only THEM. Mentally telling them to eff off at least gives me temporary peace from their constant chaos.