The Smartphone dating game. Is it even possible to eliminate it completely?
I am currently a single 25 year old female exploring the world of dating and to be completely honest… I hate it. There are so many tools out there to be used to meet a potential partner. We have Tinder, Bumble, Facebook, and Instagram… just to name a few platforms that I have been hit on with. It is becoming sad that at this age we are becoming more dependent on these technology tools rather than letting things unfold organically. I have had my fair share of dates over the past year and the stories that have come from them range from completely god awful to heartbreakingly amazing.
The most common line I hear first in this dating world is “I am not ready for a relationship”. At first it is frustrating because it is like these men are putting up an emotional wall before even giving us women a chance to just engage in a real interaction. What I take from the whole “I am not ready” thing is that what they really are saying is I don’t want to make you a priority… Its almost a slap in the face saying that before they even get to know you they automatically assume you want them and are willing to sacrifice yourself to be with them.
Timing is Everything… and Tinder is ruining It
I personally am not ready for a relationship either but I do believe that if I meet someone and there is a sense of comfort and a space provided where I can be myself… then why put up stupid barriers. You know from the moment you meet someone whether it is going to be something more. These tinder dates are interesting. Text messaging conversations can be great and you create this idea of who you think you are going to find when you meet face-to-face. However, the majority of the time it is the opposite to what you expect.
The majority of the time it is a disappointment… for both parties. And sometimes… you meet someone who you had no expectations for and they come in and turn your world upside down. Really – you just don’t know what you are going to get. We are all fighting the natural unravelling of time. Timing is everything and Tinder is ruining our Cinderella stories because we are being forced to meet our Prince Charming (or Beautiful Princess) at the wrong time in our lives.
Keep the ones who make you feel like you
It is completely possible to enjoy someone’s presence and want to spend time with them but you cannot FORCE a relationship to occur. I am a strong believer that a relationship occurs naturally when the timing is right… and when the timing isn’t right I think it is silly to limit yourself and not allow yourself to have an amazing person in your life that adds value and perspective to your world.
So as I find myself sitting on my couch trying to make the most creative and accurate profile. I realize I am creating a representation of what I believe is appealing to others. Then I realize I am wasting my time. On these Apps I am going to run into two types of men. The first type will be a stranger who is not ready for a relationship. But they are happy to connect on a physical level. The second type is going to be a stranger that will jump into a relationship with just anyone. I do not want to be in either of those situations. So I am officially taking myself out of the world of Tinder.
Ironically I have to be Grateful for Tinder
I do have to say that I am grateful for Tinder. I have met some really great men through this silly App that have become friends. But I do find that these forms of communication create unrealistic expectations of who a person is.
I don’t want my value based upon my best photos, a well written profile with creative usage of emojis, or on my witty text messaging techniques.
I have learned about many types of men and realized that they go through the same struggles as I do. No one is perfect. However, still single, I find the pattern continues as I continue to go back on Tinder. Before I meet a person, I already decide based on their texting practices if they are good for me or not. Also, there seems to be an automatic assumption from my male counterparts- that physical intimacy is going to happen. As if it is almost like an obligation. I find that on an emotional level I tend to go in with a pre-conceived idea of how this person is going to treat me. I assume they are going to make me feel great. As well – I find myself hopeful that it will be successful.
However, after each of these dates I realize I do not want this to be my story.
Be in Charge of Your Life Story
I don’t want to have forced an interaction to occur for a relationship to form. I was forced into forming a relationship to once and it did not end well. As a single person, when you are not ready to truly move on to a new relationship, those walls will come up. I can feel it almost instantly 10 minutes into a date. I am beginning to understand why men …right off the bat… state their relationship unavailability.
I am scared though.
What if one day I am ready and someone who makes my heart melt and knees weak tells me that they are not? That risk is something that I don’t feel strong enough to go through again. This leaves me scared and closed off to love.
But when I did open up to love…
I loved with my whole heart. There are only a few men that I have had in my life who I have felt completely open to sharing myself. Those connections were automatic and completely unforced. Unfortunately those men were not able to stay in my life for as long as I would have loved them to. Even though they had to leave, they all taught me strength, understanding, and patience. For that I am grateful. Those qualities are what I am bringing into my single life and even though the social rule is to join a dating app and connect with people through there – I am and forever will be a sucker for that real Cinderella story.
Everyone enters your life for a reason
I believe that everyone comes into your life for a reason. Forcing those connections is never the way to do it. I just want someone to meet me and be certain they want to have me in their life as much as I am certain I want them. I don’t want that decision based on my best photos. Or on a well written profile with creative usage of emojis, or my witty text messaging techniques. I want to be wanted for me. The me that talks non-stop about many topics at once. A girl who is shy, laughs all the time, and loves making weird faces. Those things you cannot learn through the elevator speeches we all give online. One cannot fall in love based on a person’s skill at playing the technology dating game.
So now… I have deleted the applications and I vow to just continue living my life without force. I love going to events in my community. I enjoy socializing with many people. Moreover, I am stay busy creating a wonderful network full of supportive and hilarious individuals. I can’t think of anything more satisfying than just continuing doing me. When the timing is right that person will enter or re-enter my life. Then hopefully that man will have the courage to do what everyone used to have to do back before we had smartphones. They will have to have the bravery necessary to be vulnerable and fight for the girl they know they want and deserve in their life.
And while I patiently wait for that moment… I find the key is to breathe, let go, and trust that the universe has my back – everytime <3
Sincerely,
Just another Millennial on the search for a happy, healthy, and sustainable lifestyle ♥