"After coming back from the shops one afternoon, I don’t think she heard me coming through the front door, she was on the telephone with my sister Pearl complaining she wanted me to go home. I was stunned, I didn’t want to go home, I was trying to get back on my feet for fucks sake like they wanted me to. As I walked towards the living room I deliberately shook the shopping bags to alert her to my presence. I was now standing by the living room door, she was no longer on the phone, I told her I’d heard the conversation. She didn’t deny it and calmly confirmed it was time for me to go back to my flat, just like that. I didn’t speak to her as I put the shopping down, I went into the bedroom and gathered my things and called for a taxi to take me home.
My mother stayed out of my way as I packed, she didn’t ask how I’d manage or how I’d cope on my own. Sitting on the bed thinking about what just happened, I couldn’t understand it. I’d been extra nice and accommodating, there wasn’t one thing that I could think of to make her act this way, not at this stage in my recovery. I wasn’t one hundred percent yet, I needed a bit more time to fully embrace life again. When I got back to my flat, I stayed there for months without a visitor. No one knew I was back apart from Pearl of course and Cherry who I assumed my mother would’ve told her I’d gone back to the flat. Pearl visited me once and invited me to go to her house which was about five minutes away, she said I shouldn’t be on my own. But I didn’t feel comfortable with that idea because we never really got on before I became unwell, and after that call she had with my mother, I didn’t trust her.
As for my mum, after I returned to my flat she didn’t visit, not even to check how I was doing or whether there was anything I needed. Her lack of attention to my wellbeing and not knowing the reason for wanting me to leave further delayed my recovery to the point I’d spend days in bed, unwashed, not eating or caring about whether I lived or died.
The breakdown in my relationship with my immediate family I never really understood. From an early age I protected and supported them, gave generously with my time and money, and was always there to give advice and information when they needed it. I stood up for them like the warrior I was whether they were right or wrong, and allowed certain members of my family to move in with me rent free. But somehow my good intentions seemed to backfire, it felt as if no matter what I did it was never right or appreciated".
'The stone the builder rejected' by J J Law is available for purchase on Amazon in both paperback and Kindle Unlimited.
