picture credirt : istockphoto.com
She didn't see it coming, there were no signs, no indications, there wasn't even a history of it genetically. Somehow it feels unfair, very unfair. Its not like she had indulged herself in unhealthy foods, she has been very careful instead, yet it still happenned. The doctor said it might be stress, the root of cancer can never be found anyway and most often than not it comes to the calling of our mind.
Maybe she should be feeling thankful instead, at least they found it when she is still on stage two which makes healing it a little easier. That doesn't mean she likes being kept in the hospital, have her breast cut off and nearly a withering leaf by how skinny she has become. She felt ugly.
It was spring when they found out and now in the middle of summer she was still in this baby blue room, looking at the outside world through the glass window. She felt liek a fish kept inside of the aquarium. The lady beside her suffers teh same thing, except it is on her bones and somethimes she couldn't help but stare at the other just to feel a tad bit better. It sound mean, she knows.
Reaching out for her phone, she scrolled through her texts and saw that her friends wasn't as active as they were, she couldn't blame them, they must be tired listening to her self pitying herself. If only she could smile with full of energy like some people, smile with full of hope. She knows she is being awfully negative, but it is hard not to be. She had learnt that she was and still is a negative thinking person and as much as she tried, it just seems diffficult not to be. The cancer has not only been eating her body but also her mind.
This is such a depressing post, to be honest I have been feeling under the water these few days but I didn't think that my comeback to freewrite writting would be writing something negative ahahaha.....
Just yesterday I feel like as if there aren't anything for me to do in this world and why should I continue it when I'm not doing well. Compared to others, I am still doing pretty good. I mean, at least I still have a job, my mum still have a job, we still manage to afford rent and I can still manage my GERD and anxiety, but sometimes it feels like I can't get away from this slump.
I'm sorry if reading this makes you feel uncomfortable.