― W.B. Yeats
Ennui
Well, it seems the bank's Christmas gift to me was to offer to lend me more money―at a slightly lower rate.
Gee thanks, but I've already got loans.
I suppose their New Years present might be an offer to consolidate them into one larger payment.
Talk about Oedipus having to roll a huge stone up a slope...
Call me a tragic hero, but definitely not naive. I figure it'll take five years just to break even while my ex business partner, Jeff, is sunning himself somewhere on a beach.
He's living proof―karma's not a bitch, but a beach.
I drive To McDonald's to pick up a hot meal for the homeless guy and give it to him in the hallway.
"Thanks Mister," he mutters shyly.
Something about this guy tells me he hasn't been living rough for too long.
"My name's Cole," I say, extending my hand.
He clasps and shakes it, "Dan," he says, "I really appreciate this," he adds.
"Stay safe, Dan," I caution him and head back to my unit.
I'm curious to know his story, but wary as well. Living on the streets makes you desperate and no telling what he's capable of.
Looks like he's done hard labour from the callouses on his hands, but I don't think he's done hard time.
Still, there's something haunting about the guy. He seems gentle and honest, simply down on his luck, but hell, what am I?
I'm no Mother Theresa and I've little enough on my plate than having to worry about someone else's Fate. I help out where I can. It's all I can do right now.
My cell buzzes as soon as I'm in my door―it's Matt Perkins, a buddy I see occasionally for beers and a night out on the town.
"Hey Cole!" he chirps, "want to go to the pub for a few brews tonight?"
"I'd like to, Man, but things are a little tight right now."
"It'll be my treat―I need a night away from Midge―she's a great girl, but sometimes a guy just needs a little bro time. What do you say?"
I picture Midge with her elfin smile and pixyish blonde hair―the girl's gorgeous, but she can be a bit exhausting at times. Mind you, who am I to talk? But downing a few beers with Matt is always pleasant and there's a Leafs game on the huge screen so it should be a good night.
"Sure, sounds good. I'lll meet you there at seven?"
"Seven is great!" Matt whoops, "but be prepared to be challenged at shuffleboard."
Matt knows I always win, at some small things ...but they have to be of no consequence and guaranteed not to change my Fate.
It's my lot to always be paddling against the current and tonight will be no different.
I look out the window and see snow falling again. Looks like it’ll probably be a white Christmas—for those who care about such things—definitely, not me…
Well, maybe just a little.
I haven’t had all the joy stamped out of me. I’m just being careful not to get my hopes up again because it hurts too much to be disappointed.