The Ultimate Wrestling Franchise Champion Huckleberry sat backstage at a table full of booze and lines of cocaine. The champ had two scantily dressed women under both his arms and was smoking a blunt full of some of the most potent weed in all of Mexico. His eyes were extremely bloodshot, and his nostrils were dusted and crusted with white powder. LuLu Biggs and Slick Mick were sitting across from the champ with a couple of lady friends of their own. They were also partaking in the large spread of drugs at the table.
The two girls with the Huckster looked noticeably haggard as if they'd been around the block a few times. Their lips were swollen from recent filler injections, and their faces were covered with harsh caked-on makeup. They both were wearing tube tops that barely restrained their beachball-sized fake breasts. It would be an understatement to say that they looked as if they'd just walked off a porn shoot.
As the Huckster leaned in to snort another line of coke up his nose off of his championship belt, he was interrupted by the Reaganator's raspy voice. As the Huckster and his posse turned their attention behind them, they were shocked to see the star-spangled masked wrestler holding their Vice President Allen Anderson up by the throat.
Reaganator: I hack my way through forty fucking miles of jungle to hunt down the son of bitch that nearly killed your boss, and you team me up with these crack heads? How the hell am I supposed to get to Salinas with these junkies on my side?
Anderson: Agghhcha…hack… Let me go… ackak… you star-spangled retard!
Huckleberry: Ah… Mr. Reaganator, sir, It sure is a gosh darn honor to meet yah here in the flesh, sir, and all, but I can assure yah, dis here champeen belt didn’t end up around my waist by accident!
Biggs: Yeah, and who are you calling a “Crack Head” mother fucker? This here ain’t crack! Crack is a poor man's drug! This here is pure 100% grade A Colombian, Captain America!
Reagantor: Is this your idea of a joke, Anderson!?
*The masked wrestler released his grip from Anderson, and the bald-headed bastard dropped to his knees, gasping for air. Unhappy with his treatment of Anderson, LuLu Biggs got up out of his chair, pulled out a nine-millimeter Beretta, and pointed it straight at the Reganators head. The girls at the table let out an ear-piercing scream and immediately jumped out of their seats and took off for the nearest exit they could find.
Biggs: See what you made me do, Cap? You made scare the bitches. Do you think I like scaring bitches away mutha fuckah?
Reagantor: I suggest you put that gun away unless you want me to take it out of your hand and shove it up that fat fucking ass of yours, doughboy…
Slick Mick: Ooooh! Oh no, you didn’t! G.I. Joe here trying to die tonight, LuLu!
Allen Anderson quickly got back to his feet and stepped in between the massive six hundred pound frame of LuLu Biggs and the masked vigilante. It took every ounce of strength he had to push his way into the middle of them and force them apart.
Anderson: Gentlemen. I said, GENTLEMEN! Settle down and put away the Godamn firearms.
The Reaganotr eased his stance, and Biggs put away his gun into his flamboyant suit’s inner pocket.
Anderson: Now, the three of you may not have much in common, and it’s clear is the day that you were all cut from a different cloth. However, I can assure you each of you has two things in common. Jeremiah Vastrix and Valora Salinas. Now, if you work together and wait for my secret plan to unfold, there is no way, and I mean no fucking way, that you won’t advance to the Final.
Reaganator: Just what is this secret plan of yours? I don’t like being kept in the dark, Anderson.
Biggs: Muthah fuckah, just do your job! Stop asking so many damn questions! If Mr. Anderson wanted you to know, he’d tell you!
Anderson: Let’s just say I’ve got a special surprise in store for Mr. Vastrix, which will finally end his insufferable existence.
Huckleberry: Wait a sec, yah mean you’re planning to kill Jeremiah? What about our match at Ultra Slam?
Anderson: Oooh, I will just find another fool for you to wrestle for your little belt.
Huckster: Last time I checked, we ain’t in North Korea no more, Mr. Anderson. I don’t like the libtard as much as the next red blooded American, but this is just a sport for crying aloud. I don’t want to be a part of a murder charge.
Reaganator: Speak for your self son! One of the reasons I came down to this shit hole of a country was to put that traitor out of his misery for what he did to President McStrump,
LuLu Biggs: Now you're talking my Language. Just keep calm, Huck, Mr. Anderson, ain’t going to let this shit blowback on us. That cybernetic son of a bitch has been a thorn in our sides for too long.
Anderson: Don’t worry, that pea-sized little brain of yours, Huckleberry. Just sober up and get out there and kick some ass. That’s all I need for the Franchise Champion tonight.
Reaganator: This better work, Anderson, If it doesn’t, you and I will be having words after the show.
Suddenly the group's attention turned to the locker room entrance, where the newly signed Lionel Montbar stood with an epic smile on his face. The group stood there just staring at the strange homeless-looking man with the long dirty blonde hair and dirty Santa Claus beard.
Montbar: Ah Sir Anderson! Fellow combatants! This must be the bloodworks! It’s good to see you all!
Reagantor: Who the fuck are you?
Anderson: That, my masked friend, is your fourth man. Gentlemen, I’d like to introduce you to Lionel Montbar.
Montbar: It’s Sir Lionel, Sir Anderson. I may be a fallen knight who has lost his way, but I’m still a knight. I must say it’s a bit bare-bones for a red room. Still, I’d imagine it challenging to acquire proper gladiatorial armor and weaponry, let alone training dummies in this brutal land of savages.
Reaganotor: Jesus christ Anderson, where the hell do you find these people? Out of my way, I’m heading to the stage!
The Reagantor shoved his way past Montbar making sure to slam his shoulder into his chest just hard enough to cause him to lose his balance for a quick moment.
LuLu Biggs: Right, like you got room to talk! You’re ass look like you jumped off the page of a comic book!
Montbar: Did I say something to offend the cowled one?
Slick Mick: Nah playah! He’s just a cranky asshole…
Montbar: Then I believe it is time for us to enter the arena! Let us join forces in battle and be victorious!
Anderson: Hold your horses, son. You can’t go out there looking like that! Mr. Mudcock will have my hide.
Anderson walked over to one of the spare lockers and opened it before pulling out an old-school black wrestling singlet much like Andre the giant would wear when he wrestled. He tossed the singlet over to Montbar, who caught it and looked at it with a curious look on his face.
Montbar: Ah, a proper battle raiment… a bit lighter than I’m used to. I prefer a heavy raiment myself.*
Anderson: It’s the best I could do with the short notice, “SIR” Montbar. Now get out there and kick some ass!
Montbar: To the arena! To victory!
As the live feed returned from the commercial break, the camera with the active feed focused on the stage center. "Old Town Road" by Lil Nas X and Billy Ray Cyrus started to play over the sound system in the Azteca, and the fans turned immediately hostile. Team leader Huckleberry walked onto the stage with no shirt on and a pair of ripped-up old-looking blue jeans with the Franchise title belt around his waist. The champ had two of LuLu's scantily dressed girls under his arms, holding cans of Schlitz beer with big Ed Sweeton on the label.
Rose Johnston: They're making their way to the ring now, led by their captain, Ultimate Wrestling Franchise Champion Huckleberry! Weighing in at a combined weight of one thousand one hundred and ninety-four pounds! LuLu Biggs, The Reganator, and Sir Lionel De Montbar! THE HUCKLEBERRY GANG!!!
Huckleberry suddenly stopped on stage, and the girls handed him the beers one at a time. He slammed them both and smashed them against his forehead before letting out a loud belch. He then started laughing like a drunken fool as LuLu Biggs and his manager Slick Mick was next to walk out with a pair of prostitutes under each of their arms. The two were dressed in their flamboyant pimp outfits and seemed high out of their minds as they began to dance with their girls. Both had neon psychedelic-like dyed chinchilla furs that they sashayed around their necks, around the girls, and then carelessly began to twirl around in the air.
Scott Slade: Well, here comes the former Tag Team Champions who were recently stripped of their titles by Dasha and Boris.
Chris Rodgers: I Can't say I'm not surprised, Scotty. Reports and paparazzi have these two partying it up like there is no tomorrow—drugs, prostitutes, booze non-stop twenty-four seven.
Scott Slade: You're right, Chris; I don't think I've seen the Huckster sober since he teamed up with Biggs, and it looks to be catching up with him. Also, is that dried cocaine powder on his lips and nose?
Chris Rodgers: Cocaine is a hell of a drug, Scotty.
Scott Slade: All I can say is he better get his shit together before Ultra Slam, or the Franchise Title will end up around Jeremiah's waist!
The crowd became even more hostile when the masked foe of Valora, known only as Reganator, stepped out awkwardly onto the stage with the newest addition to the roster Lionel Montbar. Montbar had long, dirty blond hair and a dirty, rugged blond beard. He looked as if a homeless man had been pulled off the street, given a wrestling singlet, and tossed out onto the stage. The Reagantor stood out even more than his counterpart. He was like something out of a delusional conservative's wild imagination of what Captain America would look like if he worshiped Ronald Reagan.
The odd Huckleberry team made their way down the ramp and to their corner of the ring. The camera feed then shifted back to the stage as "Mr. Roboto" by Styxx started to play over the speaker system. The cyborg wrestler Jeremiah Walked out onto the stage without his trademark cybernetic glowing blue eyes. In their place sat what looked to be two sets of smartphone cameras encapsulated by hard plastic ping-pong ball-sized lenses. Like usual, Vastrix had on his black wrestling gear and looked ready to lead his team to victory.
Rose Johnston: Making their way to the ring now, led by their captain, Jeremiah Vastrix! Weighing in at nine hundred and fifteen pounds, Wendy, Kara, and Kronin Reinhardt! The Vastrix Gang!
Shortly behind him appeared the German Reinhardt twins in the matching German flag-colored wrestling modified combat gear. Kara and Kronin looked like they were itching to prove themselves after a disappointing loss to the team of None More Black a few weeks ago. The Mexican fans gave them a nice pop as suddenly all eyes focused on the android girl thought to be a cyborg, Wendy.
Unlike the Wendy who the fans were accustomed to, this Wendy had ordinary colored undyed hair, and her eyes glowed bright red instead of the usual green. Even her wrestling gear was different, a generic wrestling singlet, much like what Montbar was wearing in its place.
Scott Slade: It looks like Jeremiah has changed his music to something more fitting!
Chris Rodgers: Mr. Roboto! Hah! Those Germans have about as much personality as a robot! Yeah, it fits this freak show of a team, alright. Also, I'm still not convinced that Wendy's girl is a cyborg! That performance in Cuba last time out was inhuman! INHUMAN!
Scott Slade: Be that as it may, Chris, we have no proof. Allen Andreson says she's legit, so we have to take him at his word.
Chirs Rodgers: Whatever... it looks as if it's going to be the Captains themselves starting things off here tonight. I hope Huckleberry knows what he's doing because Jeremiah is out for blood after the crap he's pulled in recent months.
Scott Slade: I'm getting the word that it looks like both teams are ready to start. Referee Bob Sigro just gave the signal to the bellman, and there it is!
In the ring, Kronin, Kara, Vastrix, and Wendy talked, made last-minute plans, and got their strategy in place for the upcoming battle. Huckleberry stepped forward for his team. Kronin, seeing this, added in a few words to Vastrix, who turned to look and nodded in agreement. Kronin, Vastrix, and Wendy moved off to the side, and Kara kicked the match off for her team.
Chris Rodgers: It looked like captain vs. captain for a moment, but it seems as if team cyborg is sending the weakest and only red-blooded human member of their team out to take on the Franchise Champion.
Scott Slade This might not be a bad plan, though. Huckleberry, despite his skill, does seem to be a little… unprepared for the task at hand.
Indeed, inside the ring, Huckleberry seemed… under the influence, as it were. He joked around with Lulu, made an almost cartoonish motion of sneaking up behind Kara, and then slapped her on the ass. Kara shot ramrod straight up with a murderous look as the referee hurriedly ordered the bell to ring.
As soon as the bell rang, Kara turned and clocked Huckleberry with a big right cross to his jaw. Huckleberry hit the mat and bounced up to receive another cross from Kara. He hit the mat and jumped up to his feet for Kara to send him back to the mat with a straight right hand that connected right between Huckleberry’s eyes. Huckleberry kipped up and, sniffling a bit, cried out that Kara couldn’t hurt him. Kara tested this theory by kicking him right in the sciatic nerve along his leg. Huckleberry howled in pain and dropped to the mat, holding his injured leg. Kara pounced, ruthlessly stomping on the injured leg and knee.
Chris Rodgers No! Cocaine is supposed to make him invincible!
Scott Slade Well, maybe it’s a good showcase that you shouldn’t be high off your ass before getting into a fight. I have to say, this is a new and intense side of Kara we’re seeing.
Chris Rodgers You’re a damn hypocrite... If that kraut were an American cop and Mr. Huckleberry was Spanish or Black, you’d be crying police brutality!
Scott Slade Well, on the streets, maybe you’d have a point, but this is a wrestling match that both fighters agreed to enter and compete in.
*In the ring, Huckleberry called out for his allies to help him, but Kara grabbed the foot from his injured right leg and lifted it up, slamming it knee first into the mat. Huckleberry cried out and punched the mat in pain and frustration. Kara stalked around him, planning her next attack.
Kara Well... it would seem I can hurt you after all. Come on, ‘champ’ Lesson is just getting started…
Kara pulled Huckleberry to his feet, led him over to the corner of her teammates, and slammed Huckleberry face-first into the turnbuckle. She tagged her twin brother in; Kronin stepped into the ring as Kara lifted Huckleberry onto the turnbuckle. Kronin came up behind his sister and lifted her up, the two twins executing a double superplex, hurling Huckleberry across the ring. The Reaganator decided he had seen enough and slapped Huckleberry in the back of the head, ‘tagging in’ as he climbed into the ring. As he met Kronin in the middle of the ring, he charged forward, and the two men began trading punches.
Chris Rodgers “Get him! Get that commie son of a-.
Scott Slade He isn’t a communist.
Chris Rodgers What?
Scott Slade Neither Kronin nor his sister are communists. They may have been born in East Germany, but both have vocally criticized the former communist East Germany. Both have accepted life in the modern German nation. Kronin even owns stock in multiple American companies. I point this out because Communists forbid private ownership of just about anything. Furthermore, I know the most important reason you shouldn’t call everyone European a commie.
Chris Rodgers Yeah?! What’s that smartass?
Scott Slade Because Allen Andersen told me earlier today that if UOW or MOX news get one more lawsuit for slander or defamation because of your wild conspiracy theories… you’re fired.
Chris Rodgers Folks, I would like to apologize to that com…err, Mr. Reinhardt. I simply am frustrated he isn’t a little more grateful for the forces of freedom, saving him and his sister from communist oppression.
Back in the ring, the Reaganator and Kronin stood toe to toe until they both apparently had the same idea simultaneously. They attempted to drive their knees into each other’s midsection and slammed their kneecaps together. Each man took a moment to regain his balance and grudgingly gave the other a slight nod of respect. In this momentary break, Cassandra, Kronin’s A.I. partner, went over the fight information and gave the German a readout of the Reganators weak points. She displayed them in his heads up display built into his nanotech contact lenses and pointed out the best course of attack against his masked foe.
Kronin ever so slightly clenched his fist, and Cassandra engaged. The Reaganator came at Kronin again. This time was met by the much younger man expertly dodging out of the way or blocking and countering the strikes; the last block was met with a European Uppercut that Reaganator never saw coming. Kronin charged in, but while Reaganator was older, he was also more experienced, and he caught Kronin’s fist and brought the big German to the mat with a military-style hip toss. Reaganator smirked as he tapped the side of his head.
Reaganator Heh.. problem with you kids… Always rushing in.
Chris Rodgers Haha! Reaganator is right on the money there!
Scott Slade Kronin is a middle-aged man; not sure you can accurately call him a kid at this point.
Chris Rodgers The Reaganator can.
Scott Slade How do you even know that? Just how is this guy? Wait for just a second!
Shockingly, Huckleberry had slid into the ring and started to yell at Reaganator for tagging himself in. The Reaganator screamed back at him about how Huckleberry was a degenerate and a scumbag. Huckleberry slapped Reaganator and shouted that he was the captain and wanted back in the fight. The Reaganator, seeing Kronin getting back to his feet, shrugged and grabbed Huckleberry, whipping him towards Kronin, who stopped Huckleberry dead in his tracks with a big right hand. Kronin then stood up and hit Huckleberry in the midsection with a boot, grabbing the man and lifting him up by the seat of his plants before bringing him to the mat with a thunderous slam that echoed throughout the arena as Kronin brought his opponent down with a truly impactful “Last Ride” slam
Scott Slade Metal Meltdown! Metal Meltdown, partner, I know we often say someone has been broken in half, but I think Kronin might have split Huckleberry in two there.
Chris Rodgers Yeah… Huckleberry looks like a giant bass I caught out on one of my fishing trips; Kronin is going for the cover, but it’s forgone conclusion now.
Sure enough, the ref dropped down and counted three without any movement whatsoever from Huckleberry, and the ref then rolled Huckleberry’s limp, unconscious form out of the ring while Reaganator and Kronin resumed their previous battle
PA Announcer: HUCKLEBERRY HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!!
Chris Rodgers Our champ deserves better than this… now he’ll be taken to one of the hospitals in this country… they better not try to steal his organs!
Scott Slade Wow, racist and ignorant too! Really trying to test how far you can push that threat of termination, huh?
Chris Rodgers Look, the people need me to be funny. I’m the Harry Doyle of wrestling broadcasting.
Scott Slade Really? Cause I’ll buy if you promise to drink yourself unconscious.
In the ring, Lulu Biggs tagged in when Reaganator came to the ropes for a new partner. He jumped into the ring and charged, hitting Kronin with a clothesline, then immediately stomped on and kicked the man while he was down. After a few moments of this, Lulu went back into the ropes and rebounded off of them, jumping into the air and trying for a massive elbow drop. Kronin was one step ahead and rolled out of the way in time. Kronin pulled Lulu to his feet, but the big man cut off the German fighter with a punch to the gut and a head-butted him, knocking the big German to a knee. Both men fought to their feet and initiated a collar and elbow tie-up as they fought for leverage over each other.
Chris Rodgers Lulu Biggs wasting no time, entering the match as soon as his buddy Huckleberry was eliminated.
Scott Slade He called for the tag, and Reaganator let him have some time in. I guess he got tired of being the entire offense for his team.
In the ring, Kronin and Lulu Biggs continued their struggle to gain an advantage over each other until Lulu Biggs hit Kronin with a knee to the groin. This gave him enough leverage to lift Kronin off his feet and plant him on the mat with as close to a belly-to-belly suplex as the big street thug could manage. Lulu then got up and stomped on Kronin before dropping a series of elbows on him, before he finally rebounded off the ropes and nailed Kronin with a big splash.
Chris Rodgers: Whoo! He squashed that commie kraut flatter than a damn pancake! Gimme more!
Scott Slade: Fans, Kronin is 6’6 265 lbs or so. He’s got the build of an NFL Linebacker, and Lulu is having no trouble throwing him around. He might be a brawler more than a pure wrestler but underestimate the strength and power of Lulu Biggs at your peril.
Chris Rodgers: Don’t forget the man's Sumo wrestling background, Scotty. The man used to push people around for a living all over Asia for a brief time.
Scott Slade: You’re right, Rodgers. Not as applicable in a traditional professional wrestling setting, but it’s something you got to think about every time you get in the ring with this whale of a man.
In the ring, Lulu dropped down and made the cover, a smirk on his face as he pulled up at two, breaking the count as he wagged his finger, shouting to Kronin that he wasn’t done with him yet. He dragged Kronin to his feet and hit him with a haymaker that landed with a sickening thud that echoed through the arena. Kronin took a step back from the force of the blow and returned the favor, catching Lulu plush on the jaw with a right cross. Thinking quickly, Kronin shot out a kick, catching Lulu on the leg, right in the sciatic nerve, causing the big man to cry out in pain. He then hit Kronin with a big short-arm clothesline and knocked Kronin to the mat.
Lulu tried to shake off the pain in his leg while Kara and Vastrix both held their arms out and called for Kronin to make a tag. Lulu tried to shake off the pain in his leg while Kara and Vastrix both held their arms out and called for Kronin to make a tag. The two men stood toe to toe, trading punches. With neither making any progress, they both went to the ropes simultaneously and slammed into one another with shoulder blocks. They both instantly stopped from the force of the impact and stared at each other, stunned as both men were still standing.
Chris Rodgers Alright, I know I’m supposed to crack a joke here, but... Damn, those two ran into each other with the force of a truck, and….just wow.
Scott Slade For once, I agree with you, partner. I don’t know if the cameras caught it, but the ring shook a bit with their impact! That stunned everyone in the match, and I’m sure a good deal of the fans here in the arena and those watching at home!
Kronin got to his feet and, seeing the offers for a tag, shook his head at Kara, apparently unwilling to bring her in against the giant monster Lulu Biggs. He reached for Vastrix, only to be clothesline to the back of the head from Biggs. Lulu taunted Kara and Vastrix, dragging Kronin to his feet, lifting him up, and hitting a fallaway slam. Lulu came up and charged team Vastrix, looking for a chance to eliminate the help.
Kara and Vastrix glanced at one another, dropped down, and held the ropes, sending Lulu tumbling over the ropes onto the floor. The W.E.N.D.E Android and Kara leaped into action, the droid hitting a flying elbow drop. Kara, for her part, looked up to the heavens and muttered something to herself before charging along ringside. She leaped off the top rope, hitting a moonsault onto Lulu Biggs, rolling over as she tried to get the air back having the wind knocked out of her.
Chris Rodgers Holy shit! We just saw the Blitz revived here in Mexico City because Kara showed she can fly!
Scott Slade If she can do this regularly, this could signal a new, dangerous element to her teaming with her brother; the fans certainly enjoyed the maneuver. They are on their feet for Kara after that beautiful moonsault!
Indeed, the fans came to their feet with roars of approval for Kara and patted her on the back as she struggled and leaned back against the barricade, holding her ribs, trying to get oxygen back in her lungs. Vastrix clapped his hands together in the ring and called for a tag. Kronin struggled to his feet and dove, making the tag as he rolled out of the ring and tried to regain his bearings. Vastrix came into the ring and immediately charged forward and tried to take the Reaganator out, but instead, he hit Sir Montbar, knocking him off the ring apron to the floor. The Reaganator swung at Vastrix but missed as Vastrix blinked and hit the side of his head, seemingly trying to focus.
Chris Rodgers Haha, and that, my boy, is the downside to all these fancy-schmancy cybernetics. We all know how much computers tend to malfunction. Vastrix should just be thankful he hit anyone at all.
Scott Slade Well, it is hard to argue that point, and we know Vastrix was…unable to get the top-of-the-line eyes he’s used to. We don’t have explicit confirmation on what he did get, but rumor has it he is using a smartphone camera lens.
Chris Rodgers What?! I hope that’s a joke; it takes my damn camera forever to focus!
Scott Slade It does take some time, that’s for sure, and that’s precious seconds in a fight that could change momentum completely.
In the ring, Vastrix seemed to have gotten his vision problems fixed as Kronin and Kara dragged Lulu Biggs to his feet and, with great effort, rolled him into the ring. Vastrix stalked his prey, debating on how best to attack. Finally, he set himself as Lulu tried to get to his feet and planted him back on the mat with a double arm DDT. Glancing over at his team’s side, he saw Kara and Kronin were still trying to get their second winds, and he turned his attention to Lulu Biggs. He ran towards the ropes, aiming to rebound off them, but the W.E.N.D.E droid grabbed them and pulled them down, sending Vastrix tumbling to the floor at ringside.
Chris Rodgers What the hell? That crazy robot chick took out her own damn teammate!
Scott Slade There does seem to be some miscommunication there. It looked like she meant to help, but she tugged the ropes down and caused her partner to tumble out of the ring.
In the ring, the Wendy impersonator whistled innocently while asking Vastrix if he was okay. Jeremiah recovered at the same time as Biggs, and he slid into the ring to try and cut him off from making a tag. Jeremiah, however, failed to stop him from tagging in Sir Montbar, who looked eager to enter the fray. The knight climbed into the ring, confidently walked up to Vastrix, and saluted him.
At the same time, Vastrix blinked in confusion before punching Montbar right between the eyes, sending the knight stumbling backward into the ropes. He rebounded off them and hit Vastrix with a shoulder block that knocked Vastrix to the mat. Montbar followed this move with a series of quick elbow drops before turning and bowing to Kara, causing her and her twin to look at each other, exchanging looks of confused bemusement.
Chris Rodgers Just what this fed needed... More crazy. Scott, please, for the love of all that’s sacred and holy, tell me you don’t believe the bullshit that this man is a time-traveling knight…
Scott Slade I think Kronin was pretty apt when he referred to Montbar as a modern-day Don Quixote. Now, because I know you haven’t read a book in your life, Don Quixote is about a man in Spain, who very likely is not all there mentally, who is a big fan of the romanticized ideal of the knight and goes out and acts out being a knight and causes all kinds of chaos and mischief. I think Montbar is of a similar vein. To sum up, I can tell by the blank look I’ve lost you. No, I do not believe he is a real knight.*
In the ring, Vastrix got to his feet and took advantage of the distraction by grabbing Montbar and bringing him to the mat with a German suplex. Jeremiah got to his feet and looked to his German teammates, appealing for their take on the German suplex, and the twins both replied by giving him a thumbs up. Vastrix smiled and turned his attention to his opponent, pulling him up, measuring him for a punch, waiting for his eye lenses to focus. Once his vision focused, the cyborg drilled his foe between the eyes. Kronin raised his leg, and Vastrix got a wicked gleam in his eye, grabbing Montbar and slamming him face-first into Kronin’s big military boot.
Jeremiah was about to continue his assault when the W.E.N.D.E droid reached over and tagged herself into the match. Vastrix was displeased by this, and he and WENDE shared words until Kronin got in the middle and played the peacemaker, telling the two to focus on their opponents and deal with their differences later.
Chris Rodgers Well, see, this is why robots suck. They’re taking human jobs! Wendy just stole…
Chris is unable to finish as he just laughs and shakes his head
Scott Slade I don’t get paid enough to deal with this jackass…Though in a spot of exciting news, the ordinarily stoic German twins finally show signs of personality.
The W.E.N.D.E tried to capitalize on Montbar’s knight beliefs by pointing out she’s a lady and he is forbidden from hitting her. Montbar replied by booting her in the gut, lifting her up, and bringing her down with a vertical suplex. He maintained the hold and stood up, hitting the android with a second Vertical suplex. Montbar tried again for a third, but WENDE countered into a small package, and Montbar kicked out just in time. The two got up and charged at each other, hitting each other with clotheslines which dropped both fighters to the mat. The android rolled up to her feet, shaking her head trying to stabilize her gyroscope, and then ran to the ropes before springboarding off for an attempted moonsault, but Montbar countered by getting his knees up into the midsection of the female android
Chris Rodgers Robochick tried to convince the crazy man that she’s a real girl, but apparently, even he isn't batshit crazy enough to buy what she’s selling.
Scott Slade I guess that is one way to look at it...
In the ring, Montbar ran back to the ropes, rebounding off them, not even noticing that the Reaganator tagged himself in. Montbar kept running, taking the W.E.N.D.E off her feet with a Shoulder block. He then picked her up as if to go for a fallaway slam, but Reaganator dove in with a dropkick to the android’s back, sending Montbar down with the W.E.N.D.E on top of him; the ref dropped to make the count, but Montbar kicked out at one.
The android rolled out of the ring as Kara tagged herself. She and the Reagantor met in the middle of the ring; Kara instantly threw a punch caught by Reagantor, who then brought Kara down to the mat with a hip toss. The Reaganator tried for an armbar, but Kara saw it coming and instantly rolled towards the Reaganator, trying to prevent him from fully locking in the armbar as the pair continued their ground fighting. The masked patriot eventually gave up on the armbar but locked in a military-style sleeper hold on Kara as she struggled to get back to a vertical base.
Chris Rodgers Reaganator is gonna put her to sleep! We’re finally going to see one of this team of misfits lose their first member!
Scott Slade Well, the Reaganator might be better off focusing on Kara rather than yelling at Kronin.
Indeed, Reaganator had shifted his focus to taunting and yelling at Kronin, displaying how Kara was at his mercy and reminding Kronin as he started to climb in that he could break her neck with minimal effort. While he was distracted, Kara countered by hitting him with a jawbreaker, breaking the hold as she leaped to her corner and tagged her twin brother in.
Kronin came in on fire and hit the Reaganator with a clothesline, another, then a third. On the fourth attempt, the Reaganator ducked under it, hit Kronin with a boot to the gut, and finally planted him with a DDT. The Reaganator followed this up by running up and jumping up, hitting Kronin in the face with a fist drop. Reaganator then mounted Kronin and rained down punches straight to his kisser.
The Reganator got up and played to the crowd before giving them the finger when they booed him loudly. He turned and took his frustrations out on Kronin, kicking and stomping the man until Kronin caught his foot and, in one fluid motion, jerked Reaganator off his feet and locked him in an ankle lock submission hold. Reaganator did not panic; he just commando and crawled towards the ropes while kicking at Kronin with his free leg. Finally, Reaganator reached the ropes, and Kronin instantly broke the hold. Kronin, seeing Lulu starting to get back into the flow of the match, turned and walked over to Vastrix, tagging him in.
Chris Rodgers: I actually did some of that research you’re always on about. You know, I can admit, Kronin and his sister are talented. His sister is a German cop, and they seem to be law-abiding citizens. I don’t understand why they hang around with criminals and terrorists like Valora Salinas, Valora’s pupil Abbigail, and Vastrix. They should be grateful for Uncle Sam's freedom, and yes, Uncle Reaganator brought them! Kronin never had any choice in his life. Some Commie bastard decided he was a soccer player, so he was a soccer player.
Scott Slade: Okay, well… First off, good work on the research. Secondly, While she has spent some time as a cop, I believe Kara is with Germany’s GSG-9 task force. A counter-terrorist force the German government assembled after the terrorist attack in Munich against Olympic athletes. Secondly, Yes, Kronin was chosen to be a soccer player. Luckily, he loved the game and was able to spend some time as a pro player, though in a communist country, he was never as…well paid as pro athletes are nowadays. After those facts, we start getting into areas where we agree to disagree. But I will give your hero credit; the Reaganator does look like he has some military close combat training to draw upon. He and Kronin just went move for move with each other.
Vastrix got into the ring as Reaganator stomped his foot on the mat, trying to get feeling back in it. He swung for the Reaganator and missed, apparently still struggling from blurry vision. Reaganator smashed Vastrix in the face with an elbow and pivoted, trying to nail Vastrix with a discus uppercut. The maneuver failed to land as the cyborg ducked and grabbed the Reaganator from behind, locking him into a full nelson before driving him face-first into the mat with a bulldog.
Chris Rodgers Why the hell is he even in this match?! If my eyes didn’t work, I get the hell outta dodge and let my team carry me to victory!
Scott Slade Well, he’s still putting up a fight. He just hit one of his signature moves, the Low-Down!
Vastrix shook his head, decided to take a risk, pulled the Reaganator up to his feet, and sent him into the ropes, catching him with an atomic drop, followed by a spinning roundhouse kick to the back of the head. Vastrix then turned to his teammates and screamed something at them. Kronin, Kara, and WENDE all dropped down and moved to the other side of the ring, attacking Lulu Biggs and Montbar.
Meanwhile, in the ring, Vastrix waited carefully as Reaganator got to his feet and turned, looking for a tag but found his teammates busy brawling on the floor. Vastrix quickly grabbed the masked American patriot and brought him to the mat with a swinging neck breaker, pausing before delivering the blow to do a shimmy and shake dance-like move. Vastrix then went for the cover, and the referee counted three.
PA Announcer REAGANATOR HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!!
Chris Rodgers No! God damn it! Reagantor was teamed with those Gen-X slackers, and this is what happens! He needs better teammates! I might not like them, but Vastrix, Kronin, Kara, and cybergirl are all working together like a well-oiled machine!
Scott Slade I agree with you that team Huckleberry has been very disorganized and disjointed, and Team Vastrix has been working well. As a result, Team Vastrix has yet to lose a single member, and Team Huckleberry is down 2, including their captain Huckleberry himself!
Seeing that the Reaganator had been pinned, Lulu Biggs shook his head in frustration, grabbed the W.E.N.D.E robot, led her back to the ring, and picked her up in a military press style. He then tossed her into the ring, where she crashed into Vastrix, causing both fighters to tumble to the mat. The referee signaled a tag had been made. Lulu grabbed Vastrix to his feet and threw him over the top rope and into the first row of fans.
The W.E.N.D.E got up to her feet and jumped on Lulu’s back, wrapping a sleeper hold on him. Using her weight hanging on his back for leverage, slowly brought the big man to a knee. The android then head-butted him in the back of the head before spinning around and planting him with a tornado DDT. The android then tried for a quick cover, but LULU threw her off at one count.
Chris Rodgers Well, some good has come of this! Lulu Biggs is done playing, and he is showing off that pure power he has. You gotta wonder how to keep a man that big down!
Scott Slade It certainly is a problem Team Vastrix will have to solve as the match goes on, that’s for sure.
In the ring, Lulu played to the crowd before jumping up and splashing down on the W.E.N.D.E. Lulu went to pin WENDE but decided to go for more punishment, dragging her to her feet and throwing her across the ring with a big biel throw and turning to tag Montbar in.
Montbar came in and pulled the android to her feet. The W.E.N.D.E countered with some punches, but Montbar stopped it with a DDT and planted her on the mat. Montbar then pulled it to its feet and slapped the android hard. He stood there expecting the insulting move to do something, but the W.E.N.D.E. stood blinking, unphased. The two traded punches for a few moments before Montbar went low, hitting her with a kick to the gut, and then brought WENDE to the mat with a snap suplex; The android arched her back as she rolled over and tried to get back in the fight.
Chris Rodgers Oh great, Sir, crazy pants mcLoon is here to save the day; I feel better already.
Scott Slade Valora is a criminal, but Lulu Biggs isn’t?
Chris Rodgers …Because?
Scott Slade Well reasoned. As always, your logic astounds.
Lulu shouted instructions to Montbar, calling for quick tags to minimize fatigue. Montbar shrugged and nodded as he pulled WENDE back to her feet and charged back towards his corner, planting her with a bulldog. Montbar tagged in Biggs, and the pair threw the W.E.N.D.E into the corner where they began working her over. In the end, Lulu hoisted her up into a sitting position on his shoulders as Montbar climbed to the top rope, trying to balance on the ring rope. Vastrix smirked and just ‘happened’ to lean on it, causing Montbar to lose his balance and fall groin first onto the rope.
Lulu rolled his eyes and tried to handle the android himself, but it spun around and brought Lulu to a knee with hurrancanrana. As the android landed on its feet, it nailed Lulu with a kick to the temple. Lulu grabbed the W.E.N.D.E and slammed her to the ground with multiple powerbombs. Lulu was ready to follow up as he shook the cobwebs in his head from the kick he’d absorbed moments ago. As he was recovering, something about his thought to be a cyborg opponent caught his eye. At first, he seemed confused and afraid as he picked her up and charged forward, throwing the android straight at Vastrix. She hit Jeremiah dead on, and both fighters fell to the ground with a thud.
The Android grabbed Vastrix and dragged him towards the ramp, up it, and then onto the main stage. Vastrix argued and fought to stop it, then suddenly, his eyes widened. He grabbed her, and the two darted through the curtains and started brawling backstage until an explosion rang out from the backstage area, shaking the entire Azteca stadium. The blast could be felt through the city as the referee stopped the fight, and security rushed backstage to find out what had happened.
Chris Rodgers What the hell?! We’re under attack! It’s a God damn terrorist attack!
Scott Slade Fans, there’s been an explosion here at ringside, emanating from the backstage area where Wendy and Vastrix had been fighting. We’re getting cameras back there to see what exactly has happened.
The Giant Screen known as the “Ultra-Tron” popped to life, and the crowd gazed upon the android they’d thought they’d come to know as “Wendy,” the cyborg wrestling girl lying in pieces. Jeremiah Vastrix was motionless under a table he’d grabbed hastily and used to try and give himself some cover from the blast. The referee in the ring shrugged and relayed instructions to the ring announcer Rose Johnston
Rose Johnston FANS, WENDY, AND VASTRIX HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED! ALSO, ANYONE INJURED IN THE BLAST, PLEASE REPORT TO THE EMTS AT THE NORTH AND EAST ENTRANCES! THE MEXICO CITY AUTHORITIES, FIRE DEPARTMENT, AND EMS ARE ALREADY ON THEIR WAY TO THE STADIUM.
Chris Rodgers: My god! It's a suicide bomber bot!
Scott Slade: I….actually can’t find anything wrong with that statement; it looks like Wendy tried to, and may have, assassinated Jeremiah Vastrix!
Chris Rodgers: I TOLD YOU THAT BITCH WASN’T A CYBORG!!!
Scott Slade: Wait a minute! Referee Bob Sigro can’t seriously consider restoring this match after what just happened! Can he?
Chris Rodgers: The show must go on, Scotty! We are not going to let the Robo-terrorist win and cancel the show! These people paid good money to see this event.
Scott Slade: More like Mr. Mudcock doesn’t want to hand out refunds! How do we even know it’s safe.
Kara and Kronin played rock, paper, scissors, and Kara’s paper beat Kronin’s rock, so she jumped over the ropes and into the ring. On the other side of the ring, Lulu Biggs had tagged in Montbar, but the knight steadfastly refused to fight his female opponent. Lulu pointed towards Kara, and Motnbar turned and bowed to her. The show of chivalry actually warmed Kara’s heart and made her put her hands on her hips. Montbar pointed at Kronin and called him a coward, and demanded to duel him for hiding behind a woman.
Kara, by now, had had enough and spun Montbar around and decked him in the face. She kicked him in the gut with a proper kick. She then hooked him before yelling out as she lifted him and drove the top of his back, bottom neck first into her own knee in a modified double under-hook shoulder breaker. The move left Montbar pounding the mat in pain. Montbar tried to crawl his way toward Lulu for a much-needed tag while Kara charged forward, leaped into the air, and punched Lulu in the face, knocking him off balance.
She then ran back towards Montbar, who knocked her to the mat with a stiff shoulder block. Montbar pulled Kara to her feet, but while Kara was rested on a knee, she cut him off with a punch to the gut and a jaw-shattering uppercut. Montbar countered with a spear-like tackle as he took Kara to the mat and admonished her for her ‘unladylike’ behavior. Montbar finished his admonishment by slapping Kara across the face backhand style, which impressed Mr. Biggs.
He pulled her to her feet and sent her to the ropes with an Irish whip, but she reversed it, sending Montbar into the corner instead. She then tagged Kronin into the match, and the two lifted Montbar up to the top turnbuckle. They then climbed up and gave each other a nod before bringing Montbar to the mat with a massive double super-plex. The impact shook the ring as Kronin rolled over and made the cover. Kronin rolled over and made the cover as the referee dropped to the mat.
Scott Slade: This could be it for Montbar! ONE!! TWO!!! NO!!!!
Chris Rodgers: How in the wide world of sports did that whack job kick out? Absolutely absurd!
Scott Slade: We had a robot we thought was a cyborg blow itself up backstage, and a kick out from a double suplex is the craziest thing you’ve seen tonight?
Chris Rodgers: Uhhh… yeah, good point…
Montbar tagged in LuLu, then rolled out of the ring after Kara and began brawling with her on the floor up against the steel guard railing. Lulu Biggs took hold of Kronin and dragged him up to his feet. Kronin tried to counter with a few punches to the gut, but Lulu Biggs' girth absorbed most of the impact, and Biggs countered with a massive fist to Kronin, sending the man back down to the mat hard. Lulu took a few steps back and then ran forward and leaped into the air, trying for a big elbow drop, but Kronin rolled out of the way and came to a knee. The big German suplex machine then got up into a three-point stance and waited for LuLuy to stand back up. As he did, Kronin charged forward and hit Lulu in the back of the knee with a chop block bringing the big man down in a heap.
Chris Rodgers Huh... I went to a wrestling match, and a football game broke out. I didn’t know Kronin even knew what real football was.
Scott Slade He’s lived in the U.S. for a long time; I’m sure he’s seen an NFL game or two in his time. Gotta give it to him, though; it’s a good idea to attack the legs of the big man. If Lulu can’t stand up, he can’t win the match.
The big German watched LuLu get up to his feet, limping a bit as he attempted to regain his barrings. Reinhardt took a fighting stance, came in at the last moment, and kicked LuLu in his injured knee. The blow sent the sumo-trained six hundred pound fighter back down to the wrestling mat with a thud. Not wanting to give any quarter, Kronin lifted the injured leg and hit the knee with a rapid succession of elbow drops. Biggs was in a bad way now, and Kronin clearly could smell blood in the water.
Lulu fought his way up to a standing position, heavily favoring his injured leg. Kronin came in for another attack but was forced to back off when Lulu took a big swipe. He tried to run forward, but his leg gave out and sent him falling forward; Kronin saw the fall and acted quickly, turning it into a DDT. He went for the cover, but Montbar broke the pinfall attempt, Kara coming in and attacking Montbar to prevent follow-up attacks. LuLu used the ropes to get back to his feet and hit Kronin with a clothesline, sending the German fighter to the ground, which bought Lulu some much-needed time to try and recover.
Chris Rodgers Lulu is putting up a fight here, folks but he and Reaganator were cursed with unreliable teammates.
Scott Slade To be fair, Lulu has been his team’s MVP. He and Reaganator and Montbar have been down for most of the match because the team captain Huckleberry was in no condition to fight.
In the ring, Lulu tried another attack, but his leg gave out, so he tried to turn it into another big splash attempt. Kronin rolled out of the way, got to his feet, grabbed Lulu’s injured leg, and locked it in a half Boston crab, cranking back and increasing the pressure. Lulu screamed out in pain. Montbar tried to come to his partner’s aid, but Kara cut him off by grabbing the back of his wrestling singlet and pulling him back onto the floor. With nowhere to go and no support coming, Lulu tried in vain to break the hold until the pain became too much, and he started pounding on the mat, the ref calling for the bell.
Rose Johnston: LULU BIGGS HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!!
Chris Rodgers You know, Scott. I agree with you for once. Lulu Biggs and Reaganator have been the stars of their team... Even the crazy wannabe knight has done his part and been a credit to his team. If only Huckleberry had been 100%
Scott Slade And for the fans at home, Kronin has eliminated 2 fighters: Huckleberry and Lulu Biggs. Vastrix has eliminated Reagantor for a tally of one. I don’t know who gets credit for what took out Wendy and Vastrix, and… that brings us entirely up to date.
Kronin immediately broke the hold, and Lulu rolled out of the ring, where medical staff helped him back to the backstage area. Montbar came into the ring and charged at Kronin, hitting him from behind with a clothesline, knocking the German to the mat. Pulling Kronin to his feet, he grabbed him by the back of the head and led him into the corner, slamming him face-first into the top turnbuckle repeatedly, before spinning around and nailing Kronin with a discus clothesline that once more brought him to the mat
Chris Rodgers Well, he might be crazy, but he is showing some skill here tonight.
Scott Slade That is probably as close to a compliment my partner will have for Mr. Montbar. He is, to his credit, fighting bravely despite being outnumbered 2 to 1 at the moment;
Montbar went for the cover, but Kronin kicked out at a two count. The two fighters got back to their feet and traded punches toe to toe, with neither fighter gaining much of an advantage until Kronin hit a few punches in a row and took Montbar down with a belly-to-belly suplex. As he got to his feet and he made his way to his corner, tagging in his twin sister, Kara.
Kara came into the ring as Montbar got to his feet, shaking off her brother's attack. Seeing Kara in the ring again, he angrily shouted at Kronin. Still, he was quickly cut off when Kara attacked him with a devastating combination of strikes, hitting several vital areas that brought Montbar to the mat in a heap. Kara took the chance to celebrate, pumping her fist in the air 3 times as she shouted, playing to the crowd
Chris Rodgers: Damn, I think Kara is trying to literally beat some sanity into Montbar. I wish her luck.
Scott Slade: She calls that combination the Blitzkrieg Bop, which might lead our fans to wonder if she’s a fan of the Ramones, who first did the song of the same name. Rob Zombie would later cover that song.
Chris Rodgers What makes you think she’s even aware of that song?
Scott Slade She shouted, ‘Hey Ho, Let’s Go!’ after she beat him down, and when some of the crowd finished it by saying Blitzkrieg Bop, she nodded her head in approval. I suppose that might lead me to think she’s a rock and roll kind of girl.
Unfortunately, Montbar got back to his feet and grabbed Kara from behind, bringing her to the mat with a German Suplex. He followed it up and hit a snap suplex before floating over and going into the cover. The referee made it to two before Kara kicked out. The Mexican fans who’d turned very favorable toward her during the match roared with excitement.
Chris Rodgers Hey, I was just wondering… which Reinhardt is older, do you think?
Scott Slade They’re twins, jackass. They were born at the same time.
Chris Rodgers Not at precisely the same time. One had to come out first. Who do you think it was? My money is on Kronin; he acts like the older brother.
Scott Slade I don’t think it matters; let’s get back to the match. Unless you have more pointless trivia?
Chris Rodgers Why is Montbar wrestling here in Ultimate Wrestling and not locked away in a mental hospital?
Scott Slade The disaster that is the American Healthcare system.
In the ring, Montbar got up and attacked Kronin from behind, hammering him with punches, before turning Kronin around and bringing him to the mat hard with a flat-liner type move.
Chris Rodgers Holy Shit! What is that supposed to be?!
Scott Slade He calls that the Final Crusade, and we can see why; Kronin rolls out of the ring and lands in a heap after being hit with that. He has a golden opportunity to pull off a huge upset and win a handicap match here! At least, Sir Montbar has made this a one-on-one matchup for the time being.
Montbar nodded as he surveyed his work and turned to face Kara, who was back on her feet. The two came to blows in the middle of the ring, standing toe to toe trading punches. Finally, Kara gained the advantage by catching a fist from Montbar and bringing him to the mat with a hip toss. Kara breathed heavily as she clapped her hands, trying to rally the crowd back into the match. She moved to bring Motnbar to his feet, but he cut her off with a punch to the gut, which he followed up with a small package that Kara kicked out of.
The two then got to their feet and locked up, putting on an exhibition of technical wrestling as they went for and countered and went for and countered again, the exchange ending in a stalemate with both fighters giving each other a nod of respect. Kara charged in and tried for a clothesline; Montbar ducked it and hit another German suplex on Kara. Montbar rushed in and slid, hitting Kronin with a baseball slide as he was recovering on the ringside floor area, and Montbar got to his feet, signaling that Kara’s time in the match was over.
Stalking his prey, Montbar allowed Kara to get to her feet and turned to face him before he grabbed he as he tried to go for his finisher, but Kara blocked it and countered with her variation of the Rock Bottom. She looked almost surprised when she moved right into a cover, and as the referee counted to three.
Rose Johnston SIR LIONEL MONTBAR HAS BEEN ELIMINATED KRONIN AND KARA ARE THE WINNERS!
Chris Rodgers What the hell?! I don’t even know what to say about that!
Scott Slade Well, Lionel Montbar and Kara Reinhardt put on a fantastic display of wrestling there, and Kara won the match with one of her signature moves, which I believe she calls ‘Book ‘em.’ Kara is apparently a fan of a particular American police show... Or at the very least, taking American audiences into consideration when she names her moves. However, this might be as much a curse as Blessing, as now Kara and Kronin will take on Valora, Johnny Rage, Eric Dillinger, and Chuluun Bold, and after a grueling match like this, with no rest time, one has to ask how much the German wrestlers will have left in the tank!
Chris Rodgers Hopefully, enough to put that Mexican terrorist Valora in her place!
To be continued in Part - 3: @ultimatewrestlin/ultimate-wrestling-season-2-ch-12-gang-wars-survivor-series-part-3