"How did you sleep?" your father asks, as you emerge from the back door with a groggy look over your face.
"Like a rock, I guess," you say. "Did you get up for anything, mom?
"No, but I stayed up," your mother returns. "But I had to go to the bathroom, that's all. And I didn't even realize I left my house key at home."
That, you conclude is your mother's house key. She could've gotten up and gone out and gotten coffee, too, and left the key behind. "But that's okay," you say. "We've got plenty of keys.
"I went out with one of the keys, but I don't know which one it was," she says. "It could've been the one by the computer, or the one by the counter by the sink. I was in the bathroom so long I'm not sure."
"That's okay," you say. "Now you're using two house keys."
"But what's that doing here on the table?" she asks.
"Oh, that's for the little white spoon we lost in the house that I made up the other day when mom and dad said the house keeps robbing us."
"The one that I've stolen," she says. "But I don't know if I took it when I was in the bathroom."
"I'm sure you didn't. I set it out so it looked like a trap."
"How did you know I was in the bathroom?" your mother asks.
"We put a light on the table for when you had to go to the bathroom," you say. "I hope you didn't leave without a light up there. That would've been very embarrassing."
"No, I just kind of made my way to the bathroom, I guess," she says. "I didn't really think about it. It could've been any time at all. I guess I was in the bathroom a long time."
That's it then. You're probably going to be grounded for the rest of your life.
"No, it wasn't," your mother assures you. "I couldn't leave the restroom without closing the door, so it must not have been that long."
"Oh, good," you say. "You're sure you didn't leave that silver spoon in the bathroom?"
"Well," she says. "I don't know. I did leave it on the sink while I was in the toilet, and I did feel something hit the side when I flushed, but it might have been a pebble or something. I'm not sure."
"So even more likely it was a pebble," you say. "Well, you're not going to believe this," your father says. "I've got some more news."
"What?" you ask. "We're not stuck in a white-trashy bad neighborhood and evicting all the others? This can't be a white-trashy bad neighborhood news."
"It's not," he says. "How would a sweater fit over your head and you not know it?" he says, referring to your over-sized sweater cast over your head. It's very thin, and very thin fabric of a differnet color.
"I guess my head's a little larger than this sweater," you concede.
"It is a little larger," your mother agrees, putting the silver spoon on the table. "I guess it has to be. This is the smallest spoon we have. I didn't do it. I didn't take the silver spoon and put it into the flames."
"Well, that's just it," your father says. "Now the silver spoon is gone."
"What?" you ask. "I put it out as bait in order to catch the thief. Can't we keep looking for the spoon?"
"Oh, we can still do that, but let me tell you about this sweater."
"I think you've told me all about the silver spoon," you say.
"I can't believe you left it out on the table, though," your mother says. "I'm really glad you did, though. It's one less thing to look out for. Who could've taken it? The kitchen's so neater than I would have thought."
Which you are sure hearing, could have been any time of the day or night all you need is the key to get in.
"That's the other news," your father says. "I found a key missing from the keys we have for the house."
"What do you mean?" you ask.
"We just came in from the yard, and you can see for yourselves," he says, turning toward the back door. "Where's the backyard?"
"By the kitchen," your mother says.
"No, it's a little bit after the kitchen or a little bit in front of it. I think it's way over there to the right, or to the left."
"What's to the right of here?" you ask.
"It's to the right of the back of the kitchen," your father says. "The door opens into the pantry a little bit, out of sight from the door to the door to the kitchen. You can see it from the pantry, it is sort of completely covered by some shelves."
"I'll bet it's not that big," you say. "And I can't see it either way."
"No, it isn't that big," your father says. "It's more like an inch tall, but I'm sure it's not an inch wide. You'll have to look at the shelves to see, it's so small. But let me set the spoon out and get it back."
I'm sure you and your mother are pretty mad. We might be better off without the silver spoon. Or at least we're pretty mad at you for putting the spoon out here.
I think you left the spoon by accident and you'll have to go back outside to get it. You could've maybe just gone and gotten one of the keys over by the computer, or just to the kitchen, or in the closet by the back door. Or you could have just forgot the spoon when you left the bathroom and it was in the kitchen with the door wide open. I wonder if that's true.
"No, I did leave the spoon on the table," you say.
"You're sure about that," your mother asks.
"Well, maybe I'm imagining that," you say.
"We'll go outside and look and make sure you didn't leave the spoon out here with the door open, or anywhere in the kitchen," your mother says. "I know that's why it's hard to see it, because the back door is in the way. I'm sure it's there. I know the relative location of it. You've left silver spoons in the dishwasher before.