"SEX ABUSE AT TOP SCHOOL"
I bought the newspaper to look at the jobs section on a Sunday. My attention was caught by the headline on the front page.
The first sentence revealed that this is the school where my son is a weekly boarder. This, of course, was no surprise to us as parents, because the headmaster notified all the parents in November last year when the incident occurred.
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Surveillance footage showed that the sports coach fondling the genitals of a 15-year-old boy.
Shock and disbelief
It is very upsetting for any parent to know that their children could have fallen victim to these sick minds. My elder son attended a different but also well-respected boarding school some years ago.
One evening while watching the news on television, I nearly fell off my chair when I saw that the priest, the chaplain of the church on the school premises, being led away in ankle shackles by the police.
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Images of child pornography and naked boys
The chaplain’s computer was confiscated by the police. They found pictures of naked grade 8 boys taken during orientation on a camping trip for the grade 8s. These camps were an annual tradition and a way of preparing the new boys for the development they will undergo over the next five years of their high school experience. Of course, high school may involve living in the hostel or at home.
Start of a bright future
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My thoughts now are, what went wrong in a 22-year-old coach's life and a man of the cloth who was already in his late 50s. What makes them feel attracted to innocent young boys who have not yet reached puberty. I wonder if it even crosses their minds or if they even care about the consequences and psychological damage their sexual perverseness will cause in those youngsters lives.
Dream and dream big
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Naturally, the boys would have dreams of their own without a thought of being molested by people who are supposed to protect and guide them during their formative years. What conflict they must suffer when they are molested by a priest who is supposed to instill values on keeping on the straight and the narrow. What can be said about a sports coach who should be teaching how to have a healthy mind in a sound body? However, both the coach and the chaplain have the audacity to break the same rules they preach and teach to satisfy their perverse sexual needs!
Where can I hide
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There is evidence that the long-term effects of children who were sexually abused by a man of the church have great difficulty in trusting any religious organizations. These abused children may grow up without the protective support and values that many people find in religious faith.
Why did I deserve this?
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They are still so young, how can they ever come to terms with who they are and why it happened to them. Forever, they will be questioning themselves with “What did I do to have attracted a popular well-loved coach’s attention or a man of the clergy”? Sexual abuse of children by priests of the church has recently received a great deal of attention. I can just imagine the disappointment and low self-image the victims must suffer. Young children may not even have the language skills or vocabulary to express the true level of anguish they are experiencing. Sometimes the conflicting feelings of love and hate felt for the abusers are too threatening to deal with. The perpetrators have a tremendous amount of power in the abused child’s mind and they might direct the rage towards the mother or younger siblings, who are less threatening.
In Issues in Mental Health Nursing written in 1989, L. Rew defines sexual exploitation as the misuse of power and authority by adults or older children, to obtain sexual gratification from a child.
Consequences of abuse
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Nurses who deal with abused victims say that the depression suffered by the victims is too terrible to contemplate. Some victims I have nursed have committed suicide, some are drug addicts, some on chronic psychiatric treatment and others have ended up in jail and so the list goes on.
Symptoms of Sexual Abuse in Adolescents
A few of the symptoms that can occur in these young adolescents are listed below.
Childhood exploitation can include activities such as attempted or actual rape, exhibitionism, non-consensual anal, vaginal or oral intercourse, sexual harassment by authority figures, genital fondling or the use of force for unwanted sexual activities between a child and adult.
There are many factors which prevent disclosure of sexual abuse. These include the young and impressionable age of the child, shame, disbelief and rejection by parents and the lack of witnesses to the abuse.
Manifestation of Symptoms of Sexual Abuse in Children
Some of the symptoms of sexually abused adolescents might manifest in the following;
Suicidal and self-injurious behavior, illegal acts, somatic complaints, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, mental illnesses, borderline personality disorders, running away from home, substance abuse, strong feelings of anger and guilt, sleeping and eating disorders, promiscuity, low trust of others, regressive behavior, aggression, nightmares, withdrawn behavior, schooling and learning problems and questioning the meaning and purpose of life.
The reported incidence of abuse for men may be especially low, because of the common fear among boys who have been sexually abused, means that they are homosexual.
Superficially victims may appear uninjured. This may be due to denial, dissociation and emotional repression. Children use denial or projection as defense mechanisms. They may block the effects of the abuse until later in life. The full impact or how intensely the abuse has scarred them, might not be clearly understood by the child, until much later in life.
Who wants to cause so much pain in a child's life?
Who in his right mind would want to inflict such horrible emotional injuries onto innocent children?. It goes beyond understanding that a person can harm someone else’s life to such an extent that the effects of the abuse will haunt them in their married life and they will ultimately find it difficult to nurture their own children naturally because they never experienced it as children.
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Are perpetrators fearless of their actions?
Parents are left wondering whether they failed their children. Mostly, the children have failed themselves. No parent wishes their children to fail. Children often exploit their parents’ unconditional love and misplace their failures to their parents who prepared them to deal with hardships and tough love.
Religion and humanity reach out to give support to those requiring guidance when facing the challenges life hurl at them. Upbringing and love surely fill a huge portion of the preparatory experiences we are all entitled to.
Perpetrators of the deeds described above, seem fearless of the consequences for destroying young lives instead of preparing them for life!
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Who is the greatest in the Kingdom of heaven?
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The disciples asked Jesus,” Who is the greatest in the Kingdom of heaven?” Jesus called a child and made him stand in front of them and said, “I assure you that unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. The greatest in the Kingdom of heaven is the one who humbles himself and becomes like this child. And whoever welcomes in my name one such child as this, welcomes me. If anyone should cause one of these little ones to lose his faith in me, it would be better for that person to have a large millstone tied around his neck and be drowned in the deep sea. How terrible for the world that there are things that make people lose their faith! Such things will always happen- but how terrible for the one who causes them!” Mathew 18: 1-7; Good News Bible
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