"There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship. " -Thomas Aquinas
No man is an island, and human beings are social animals who thrive on relationships. At every stage of life, we are related to someone. Some relationships we are born with--mother, father, siblings, grandparents, uncles, aunts etc, some are born through us--our children and grandchildren, while a large proportion of our relationships are formed by us here on earth. Friendship is one such relationship that we form on our own.
The thought of friendship brings up images of good times spent with loved ones, whether it is at school, as a child playing in the mud or football field, in the college canteen, or at work. While we realise the goodness of friendships, and we often take our friends and friendships for granted, what we dont realise is that this is a relationship which often comes without strict guidelines or rules. Unlike our other clearly defined relationships---as a parent, child, brother,sister, grandchild or spouse---friendship does not have hard and fast rules. And that is often the beauty of friendship. That is also a disadvantage, because if a friendship turns sour, we dont often know how to set it right, or rather, it does not set itself right, due to the pressure of duty or responsibility or due to social pressures or compulsions. Most of us have drifted in and out of friendships all our lives, and while it seems tough to let go of some friends, it also seems impossible to hold on to others. When families fight or drift, family functions, births, deaths, financial crises, sense of guilt and shame, of obligation and duty, and social pressure---all work to forcibly bring back family members..sadly, these external forces are missing or very weak, when a friendship goes away.
One golden rule of friendship which might ensure that our friendships are long lasting, harmonious and without conflict, is that in a friendship, you can only choose to give, not to receive. To give is in our hands, and it does not need anyone's permission, approval or cooperation. However, receiving or getting is totally another ball game, which is dependent on others and their whims and fancies. Receiving or getting also depends on our destiny, or fate, or past life karma, and our soul purpose. Hence, if we focus on getting something it rarely works the way we expect it to, giving rise to heartbreak, anger, sorrow, and frustration.
But if we are able to take away receiving (expectation, entitlement, duty, obligations, compulsions, shoulds, musts, etc.) from a friendship, and focus on what we can give, what we can offer, how we can enhance the relationship, the other also feels free, and can then decide how much they want to plough back into the friendship. But if we are expecting that every action of ours will be acknowledged and reciprocated, we are headed for a lot of anguish, for the other person thinks and acts differently, has different life circumstances and pressures than us, has his or her priorities, goals, dreams and soul path to fulfill, and may or many not be able to fulfill our expectations. With time, eventually, the balance of friendship will be restored, if the pressures are off.
But all this is easier said than done, for we human beings live predominantly in our minds and thoughts, and very less in our hearts. And the mind is a cunning businessman, always evaluating, always auditing, always asking "What's in it for me? What have I got out of this deal? Why should I be the one to always start a conversation? Why should I be the one to adjust or compromise? Why should I apologise first? If I had spent the time I did on my friend, in my business, I would have earned so much more....etc.etc. Like love, friendship should be left to the heart....and should not be in the domain of the mind. But since we have learnt to survive in this world with our minds, we have started using our minds in every aspect of our lives....whether it be physical, mental, emotional, financial or spiritual.....and some areas, like love, or friendship or God.....are beyond the mind....they are in a different realm....which cannot be comprehended with the mind.
Focus on giving, of yourself and your energies, in any relationship. ..and rest assured, you will get much more in return, in terms of quality and quantity....let the Universe, the law of attraction and the law of Karma do their jobs...don't stand in the way of blessing coming your way, by using your mind, increasing your resistance, lowering your vibrations, by using your mind and thoughts too much. Let the mind be used in the outer world of business, not in the inner world of love and friendship.
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