1 Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.”
The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.”
Man: “And that frees me from my sin?”
Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.”
2 A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?”
The husband: “Are you mad? I barely know that woman!”
3 Guest at a restaurant: “I refuse to eat this roastbeef. Please call the manager! “
Waiter: “That’s no use. He won’t eat it either.”
4 Q: What do politicians and diapers have in common?
A: Both should be changed regularly, and both for the same reason.
5 A wife is like a hand grenade. Take off the ring and say good bye to your house.