I hang around with a group of around 10 friends who met in college and started going on holidays with each other . We have all grown older now, got married and had kids so now the holidays are no more .Here’s a photo of us at one of our friends weddings last year.
The guy at the back in the middle with the baldy head is called Davey. He has settled down now but he was normally the life and soul of any party. While putting his arm out while hailing a taxi at 3am in Dublin after a few drinks , Davey unintentionally clothes-lined a girl off her bike. It was like something that Bret the hitman Hart would do but he didn’t know he was doing it . The bike went under his arm while the cyclists hit the ground in front of him. This is one of the many predicaments Davey has found himself in. However the best one was back in 2006 when he played possum.
The group would often go to a premiership match because one of our schoolfriends was good at football. So good that he used to play for a team in the premiership. He’s actually in the photo above and below but I won’t give him away.
Booking the trip was a bit complicated. The city of Reading is 57km or around 38 miles from London. So the Friday night we were to stay in the travel lodge in Reading. The following night after the game we were to stay in the Raddison in north London. Reading F.C. were playing Arsenal. Tough game. It was March. Still a bit chilly and Arsenal won 2-1. Below is a photo of our friend in action. Like a terrier. A fighter. Never gave up.
So after the match , we went straight to the pub like we always did. The beer started flowing and a few hours later we were all in a nightclub. Davey was worse for wear and it wasn’t long before the bouncers became aware of this fact and promptly gave Davi the heave ho. We were in no state to argue our friends plight with the bouncers as we would of been next so we all stayed quiet, safe in the knowledge that the hotel was opposite the nightclub.
He’ll be fine. This lad is normally like a homing pigeon when it comes to food and then hotel. He’s been in worse conditions. He will be grand(grand in Ireland means fine) So we stayed in nightclub for a few hours and drank the night away.
Meanwhile Davey was outside the nightclub . The bouncers never bothered to get his jacket. And also meanwhile on the table where Davey was whisked away from was a black wallet. His wallet.
So I will paint the scene so far. Drunk Davey is outside the nightclub.No jacket. No wallet but he didn’t know this . His hotel in his sight line . But Davey forgets we are staying in London . What does Davey do? Davey calls a taxi. “Travel lodge Reading please!!!!“.
The travel lodge Reading was where we stayed the night before. In fact Davey went to outside our new hotel and got a taxi at our actual set down area . The original old hotel was 56 kilometres away. And davey had no money! He had his phone though but a lot of use that was in 2006. He might of had a game of snake on the way.
So taxi driver was delighted with this strange 56km fare. Davey told him the travel lodge in Reading but there was 4 of them. He didn’t know which one so they traveled around Reading to each one . Thankfully the second one they hit was the actual hotel. The fare came to 58 pound. Davey searches for his wallet but no joy . He asked for the taxi driver to wait while he went into the wrong hotel to get money in his room. He realised he had no key card because wallet was gone so he asked the reception for a spare key. The receptionist asked for his room number. Davey knew this! Same number as his house at home. 125. “ Sorry sir you checked out yesterday” “there is no one in this room tonight!”
It dawned on Davey! For fuck sake! He was staying in the Radisson back in London. The taxi driver was waiting patiently. “Could you take me back again ?”Davey asked . The taxi driver became quite irate but he was going that way anyway and he was doubling down. “When I get to hotel, I will sort you out for everything”
Anyway they arrived back at the hotel in London opposite the nightclub we were in. He began calling everyone of us. No one picked up. Nightclub too loud , we were too drunk etc . He got his keycard. He went to his room. He had no money in his room and taxi driver was waiting. He even looked in my bag ( he was sharing with me) . No money there either! Fucking Blanche. Never has cash. At this stage the taxi fare was £116. Davey was pacing the room wondering what to do. He had nothing to give the taxi driver. So what did Davey do.
Davey got into bed and closed his eyes and hoped the problem would go away. He didn’t go asleep. He was too worried. There was an angry taxi driver downstairs looking for money. He just lay there.
Ten minutes later, knock on the door. It was the porter. Davey didn’t answer. Pretended he was asleep. The porter kept knocking. Then he heard another voice. It was the taxi driver. Davey heard the key card slipping in the door. Oh no he thought to himself. So Davey closed his eyes and pretended he was asleep. It will be all over soon he thought.
So the porter and the taxi driver preceded to shake Davey and lift Davey and throw him down on the bed, out of the bed , back on the bed...... for 10 minutes. The porter got a bit edgy and told the taxi driver to come back in the morning. He will sort it out. The taxi driver agreed and they both left.
Davey gave it another 5 minutes and opened his eyes. A few bruises from the man handling but he was safe until he could get his wallet back. The rest of us soon dribbled back to hotel and found out what had happened pretty quickly from the porter. The porter wanted to call the police . We let the porter know he was good for the money and as soon as davey was reunited with wallet he rang the taxi driver up and paid him.
That weekend went down as the night Davey played possum. We still laugh about it today. One year later we went on another trip to Liverpool . Again night out, late bar . We went for food after the pub . Then half way through the meal Davey spotted a taxi that would take him back to hotel. Taxis were rare after nightclubs so it’s like seeing a leopard in the wild. He ran out of the restaurant jumped in, giving us the two fingers . Taxi sped off. We were all looking at each other . And then we busted out laughing. Our hotel was beside the restaurant. So we all popped back to hotel. Twenty minutes later Davey walked into hotel. “How did yee get here before me?” One of the boys turned davey around towards the restaurants. The taxi driver showed him the sights and dropped him at the same place 15 minutes later taking 15 pound off him for his trouble.
